Book of Basketball - Me Too!

After reading Moon's recent comments on Bill Simmons' Book of Basketball, I finally started reading it.

I haven't anticipated a book's release as much as I did this one. This book was a perfect storm for me. The NBA is by far and away my favorite sport, truly the only sport I've ever been a "fan" of, where the etymology of the word "fan" is "fanatic" AFAIK. I just "watch" other sports. I don't absorb them like I do pro basketball. Some basketball purists feel that good college basketball is somehow "purer" or "better basketball" or more "real basketball" than the NBA these days, and perhaps they're right. Still, for people like Simmons and me, it's too late. We're hopelessly hooked on the NBA. And, Simmons is the only Internet writer that I read on a regular basis. Everytime ESPN.com features a new Simmons column, I immediately click there and worry about catching up on sports news until I'm done with whatever random topic Bill is pontificating on. He's not much older than me and drops more funny, age-appropriate pop culture references for somebody my age than a VH1 "I Love The ..." show.

Needless to say, I bought it as soon as it was released, and for some inexplicable reason, I hadn't started reading it until this weekend.

Background to this weekend: Around Friday, I started feeling sick. Saturday, I felt legitimately sick. Not sure if it was just a cold, I realized by Sunday that it was more than that. Chills, headaches, etc... I called out of work today (Tuesday) and saw the doctor. I have bronchitis (not a big deal - I've had it before. If you've had it, you know it's worse than a cold and not as bad as a flu. Needless to say, it crippled my fun 3-day weekend. Ah well.)

This is important, because while I was coughing up a lung and living in a half-conscious daze for a couple of days, I started to read this book. Two remarkable things happened:

1) The book lived up to the hype for me. How do I know? I compulsively read it till all hours despite my body wanting more than anything to sleep. I had the "I-couldn't-put-it-down" thing where I literally could not put it down, despite everything else in my head and my heart telling me not to. I was compelled to keep reading, and I was hopeless to fight it.

(Can I judge how great it is based on this fact alone? Probably not. I'd like to think I'm fairly intelligent and intellectually well-rounded, but when it comes to reading, I'm ashamed to admit I'm very academically immature. I'm the Vince Carter of reading academically rich books. The only two other books I remember couldn't-put-it-down reading, until late hours of the night, in the past 5 years or so? The Da Vinci Code and Harry Potter 7. I'm only mildly embarrassed by HP7 - I'm very embarrased by Da Vinci Code. By the way, that Vince Carter reference was weak. What can I say, I'm no Bill Simmons.)

This book is, more than anything I've encountered in my life, right in my wheelhouse. Well, with the possible exception of the "Cookie-Doughn't-You-Want-Some" creation from Cold Stone Creamery - find it and read the description - and yes, yes I do want some, always. The book is even written with coherent themes, topics, and storylines - but with a slight ADD element of tangents and anecdotes sprinkled in appropriately and a million footnotes, which serve the same function as my too-frequent parenthetical comments I always include in my blogs. Just like me! (the ADD part) The book is informative and thorough. It educates everybody from a casual fan to a serious fan about the history of the league and ties it in perfectly to where we are today.

I could go on and on about it. Just read it. Don't want to spoil it.


2) I won't spoil the details of the book or its structure, because everybody should read it fresh, but... There is a page and a half of the book (p. 520 - halfway through p. 521) where he analyzes the movie Teen Wolf.

I haven't laughed out loud while sober that loudly or for as long in... shit, in forever, as I self-effacingly laughed at the fact that I've seen Teen Wolf at least 20 times (and I'm sure Bill has too) and that Bill connects Michael J. Fox's character's personal development to a certain current NBA star that's just funny and kind of deep at the same time.

Read the book.

P.S. Argh... got to do it - slight spoiler. The guy who is compared to Michael J. Fox's character from Teen Wolf is Kobe. Read it. Then, after you chuckle and read about Kobe's place in NBA history, anytime you read anything remotely complementary or neutral about Kobe, read the details of this. I mistakenly did this today and I wish I didn't. I can't objectively look at his smug fucking face anymore. I literally felt nauseous that somehow the world forgets that he did this a few years ago. He should be villified as much as Vick. He personifies the "he thinks he's above the law because he's famous" hubris that so many celebrities seem to have, except he raped a 19-year-old girl and got away with it. I don't think the girl was lying. He did it. Read the page. He did it exactly how the Wikipedia page says so. It just makes too much (common) sense. Kobe basically admitted it after the whole ordeal was over.

At your own peril, and at the risk of feeling nauseous yourself, and at the peril of being able to objectively watch Lakers games again, read the Wikipedia article I linked to. Tell me if the account of it on Wikipedia doesn't resonate as being 100% plausible. Here was part of his statement after:

"I also want to make it clear that I do not question the motives of this young woman. No money has been paid to this woman. She has agreed that this statement will not be used against me in the civil case. Although I truly believe this encounter between us was consensual, I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. After months of reviewing discovery, listening to her attorney, and even her testimony in person, I now understand how she feels that she did not consent to this encounter."

Umm... what?!? How could you possibly say "she has agreed that this statement will not be used against me in the civil case" and "I want to apologize to her for my behavior that night and for the consequences she has suffered in the past year"? IF SOMEBODY BLATANTLY LIED TO THE POLICE THAT YOU RAPED THEM, why would you make statements like this? Think about the O.J. case and imagine if he said things remotely like this when the trial was over and he was going to inevitably go to civil court. Kobe is fucking lucky he wasn't treated and viewed like Tyson after his rape.

Anyway, sorry, got distracted. Bottom line, if you've ever remotely enjoyed anything in your life about the NBA, and ESPECIALLY if you used to enjoy the NBA and don't anymore, read the book.