Zoe's Place

Hobo Con Queso proudly endorses Zoe's Place, a non-profit group that operates Zoe's Cupcake Place in Teaneck, NJ. The sister of one of our friends helped to design the menu.

So, if you shop there, you will not only be purchasing delicious treats but also helping people who could use the money.

"Management Was Restructuring"

(+6 blog points to the first one to identify the reference of the title of this post)

At Hobo Con Queso, we recognize the realities of today's corporate world. Sometimes, in today's world, groups need to expand, restructure, and shift personnel to keep up with the competitive world of blogging.

(Ok, I couldn't think of a funnier introduction. Maybe it's because it's 5:11 AM and my body is keeping me awake despite the fact that somehow, we've had two consecutive snow days down here in South Jersey even though it hasn't snowed since Saturday.)

With this in mind, Hobo Con Queso is proud to announce the addition of several talented Teaneck-bred writers, here to dump their mind whenever they feel like they, umm, have to dump. (HY!) All of them are intelligent, handsome, and unfortunately, all taken - sorry, ladies and gay men.

Of course, you remember that Beer-on-the-Girl, brother of yours truly, was the first added to our staff a few days ago. Here is a picture of Walt Clyde with Beer on the Girl.

Now, allow me to introduce you to the rest of the staff.



From left to right: MMG, Chris Hall, Walt Clyde Frazier, Matt Dabney, Joe Grossberg

MMG: A long-time friend of mine (for 25 years), MMG started a blog a while ago and lost steam some time ago. A Teaneckian who now resides in Brooklyn, MMG divides his time between being an attorney, rooting for the Giants and Mets, and drinking beer. His contributions, while somewhat infrequent, will be worth the wait.

Chris Hall: Fast both with the feet and with his mind (but not in the bedroom HY!), Chris Hall lit up the world as a Highwayman ('94) and as a Lion ('98). Chris is now a school administrator in South Jersey (and only lives a few minutes away from me!) and laments the fate of our New York Knicks, but unlike myself, has remained loyal and has not sold out on them, yet. He also blogs here in a more academic setting.

Matt Dabney: Also known as Daffy, Daphne, that nigga Matt Daffy, Glaffney, Traffney, Draffney, and many other similar names, Matt Dabney occasionally blogs here (and I use the word occasionally liberally) and occasionally lets us know how his house in New York State is shaping up here. Hopefully being part of this team will allow him to write more about fatherhood, the Nets, and Grant Hill.

Joe Grossberg: Joeydidit, the most computer-literate and profilic web writer of the group, used to blog often and has since been more active on Facebook and various niches of the Internet. A web designer (is that your job title, Joey?), talented and creative writer, and somebody who has more friends on Facebook than the rest of us combined, Joey will hopefully bring some spice and substance to our humble blog.

So there's your writers, folks. Hopefully they feel free to write about any random shit that they want to share. Enjoy...


The Hobo Con Queso staff gets down with friends at a HcQ corporate party. This is how we do it!

Empire State of Mind

When the Yankees beat the Phillies in Game 6 of the World Series this year, Lisa and I were in Atlantic City at Game On! (great place to watch a game, by the way). There was a large crowd gathered, roughly split equally between New York and Philadelphia fans. The Jay-Z / Alicia Keys song "Empire State of Mind" was just become big - though I was ahead of the curve since I'd already received the album as a gift from Lisa and received a heads-up from a wise man about the album.

In my mind, I'd been wondering if this song was our generation's "New York, New York" and wondering how truly "good" of a song Empire State of Mind was. I'd been wondering if I was just getting carried away because the album was so catchy, but I'd been thinking that this song specifically would really catch on, and NYC people would love it when they heard it and belt out the chorus. I'd even been wondering if eventually this song would rival or surpass Sinatra's ode to New York that everybody knows (yes, I know Sinatra didn't write it). After all, would most people consider an song an appropriate ode to a city even though it contains gritty lines and images like "corners where we sellin rock" and "I got a gang of niggas walkin with my clique", as opposed to lofty ideas like "if I can make it there, I can make it anywhere"?

Well, the Yankees won and the series was over. Half of the packed crowd in Game On went apeshit. The DJ started blasting the "Empire State of Mind" chorus. A decent percentage of the beer-drinking crowd sang along at the top of their lungs with Alicia Keys, while the rest just hugged and celebrated. The DJ let it run for a minute and then went right into Sinatra's "New York, New York". Now, some of the older people who'd let Alicia Keys and a bunch of drunk strangers sing alone joined in and now everybody sang along and hugged like it was 1:55 at Vinny O's and MMG's run of songs just ended on the jukebox and we just sat through James Taylor and the Allman Brothers to get to Sinatra's closing song.

So, has Empire State of Mind reached the stature of NY, NY? Not yet. Will it? I don't think so. But, it was something that those were the *two* NYC celebratory songs played at that moment, and the song has only gotten bigger since the World Series ended. I wonder if it will get any consideration for awards (Grammys, American Music Awards, etc...)

Homeowners!

My wife and I have become homeowners!

We just finished closing. Good times!

There are worse things than sucking!

The Nets SUCK! I don’t know of anyone (in the world) other than myself who regularly watches Nets games this season. So, in case you haven’t noticed (and judging by the attendance you haven’t), the Nets suck! I mean there not just bad, they suck! They started the season with 18 straight loses (an NBA record). The currently hold the worst record in the league at 2-24. However, there are worse things than sucking.

I believe the Nets are in good shape! Yes, this is quite a proclamation regarding a team with the above noted statistics. However, you have to look at the big picture in all sports. The Nets have a lot going for them. They have a young very talented team. They have young proven talents Devin Harris and Brook Lopez, and also other young talented players like Chris Douglas-Roberts, Courtney Lee and rookie Terrance Williams. Aside from talent, they have an extremely low payroll and no overpaid players with long term contracts. If they continue to suck they will add a high draft pick next year, and could possibly draw one of the big names, free agent players in 2010. Yeah, they won’t get Lebron or Wade but there are a ton of other big names out there (Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, Dirk, Bosh, etc…) who could be looking for a big pay day, which, the Nets can afford. Also, the move to Brooklyn could make coming to the Nets more enticing.

If we have learned anything from the Knicks post Ewing era, you need to let go when your team sucks. Sucking is not the worst thing. You have to think about your present state of sucking, more long term. Embrace the year that you suck, like that dude from Wayne’s World said proudly , “It sucks while it cuts!” Rebuild, get young talented guys, don’t overpay mediocre players, and be patient. If only the Knicks and New Yorkers could accept sucking, they could have been good by now. If you don’t except sucking for a little while, you wind up mediocre and just an ordinary team. And, as Mena Suvari said in American Beauty “I don’t think there’s anything worse than being ordinary.”

Aunt Li'l Wayne

I'm getting older, dorkier, or funnier. Maybe some combination of the three (or maybe less funny. BTW, I've never written the word "dorkier" until now. It looks weird.)

Anyway, the following occurred this morning as homeroom was ending.

My high school has morning announcements down by the TV Production students here. They make funny skits and the like for students which they show from time to time after they are done doing the morning announcements.

During today's skit, a rap song came on to accompany their skit. I was not familiar with the song. The bell rang, the video was still on, and the next teacher (a young woman in her early 20s, who I mentor and am friendly with) came in getting ready to teach. I say...

"Do you know who this is, singing this song?"
"No."
"Hmm... yeah, I don't know much music that's come out recently."
"Me either."
"Kanye West is probably the most recent person in rap music that I'm familiar with. Maybe this is Little Wayne. That's the only name I know."
"Maybe... I don't think it is."
"... It's not Little Wayne, right? It's Li'l Wayne. Liii-llll Wayne. Like that."
"[chuckle]"
"Li'l Wayne. That's so weird. Why not Little Wayne? I have an aunt named Lil. Aunt Lil. Aunt Lil Wayne. Of course, her name is short for Lillian."

She gave me a confused stare. I started cracking myself up, understanding her confusion - after all, that's not funny at all - and walked out of the room, still laughing.

Vote - Best Facial Dunk!

These two dunks are my top two (and I think I gotta go with KJ by a nose). Consider:

- Both were made by little guys over big guys. (6'3" over 6'9", 6'1" vs. 7'0")
- Both big guys were known at the time as very good / great defensive players.
- Both were in the playoffs.
- In both cases, even though the big guy was not directly guarding the dunker, he was there in plenty of time to help. (In other words, it wasn't some cheap "I dunked on you, even though you weren't really there" like the time Beer-on-the-Girl got dunked on by Biggie Sessoms at Amman Park.)

Anyway, which one is better? Is there another one better than both of these?











And here's a trio of Vince Carter dunking on people, lest anybody think I'm biased against him.

The Great Wallet Scam of 2009

The following was a forwarded email I got from a colleague on my hotmail account.

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall
and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have
seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about
it. This will only become more commonplace.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Lowe's, Home Depot, or
Costco customers.

This one caught me by surprise. Ladies, please let your husband /
boyfriend know of this scam.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic.
Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car
as you are packing your shopping into the trunk.
They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with
their tops almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is almost
impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead
ask you for a ride to McDonalds.

If you agree, they get into the back seat. On the way, they start
undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts
crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen June 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,17th,
20th, 24th, & 29th. Also July 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th,
23rd, 26th & 28th, three times last Monday and very likely again
this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take
advantage of older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones
for$1.99 at K- Mart and bought them out.
Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11
pounds just running back and forth to Lowe's, Home Depot, and Costco.

Be careful out there.


My response was:

Umm... what?!? Clearly this can't be true, but is this meant as a joke?

"I had my wallet stolen June 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,17th,
20th, 24th, & 29th. Also July 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th,
23rd, 26th & 28th, three times last Monday and very likely again
this upcoming weekend."

LOL! If this is satire, it's brilliant. If this is real, it's hilarious anyway.


A quick Snopes search didn't yield anything, so technically I can't immediately disprove this. However, while this clearly cannot be true, I don't know what to make of it. It may just be some goofy shit. Or, it may be satire so brilliant of forwarded emails that I can't even comprehend how funny / creative / clever it is.

The Torch to Bear (another math question)

Here's another fun math question, and I believe Side Bar may have posed this question some time ago in another context at a Margaret Street BBQ but anyway...

Four people have to get through a dark tunnel with a torch. A maximum of two people can go through at a time, with the torch always being needed to see where you are going (so the carrier of the torch must go each way). The four people have different rates of getting through the tunnel - 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 2 minutes, and 1 minute. What is the minimum number of minutes needed to get all 4 people through the tunnel?

Hot Chicks with Douchebags - The Douchies

If you are bored, check out the website http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com. It's a fun time waster and every December people vote for the Douchiest Douchebags in different categories.

Sound weird? Just go check it out.

Math Fact of the Day

A fellow teacher told me this today and it struck me as being interesting. Therefore, I wanted to share it.

Suppose you leave your house and walk a path to some other destination at 8 A.M. on Monday. You can walk at any speed you want, you can even stop your walk and stand still for a while, and you can even backtrack your path and then walk forward again. But, at some point on Monday, you reach your destination and sleep over.

Then, on Tuesday morning, you leave your destination at 8 A.M. and return home again. You walk with your speed being totally random and independent of your speed from Monday. Infact, for the sake of argument, you do something totally different (like, you sprint all the way home on Tuesday when on Monday you crawled, stood still, went back and forth, etc...)

So, here's the fact: There will be a location between your home and the destination that you passed both going to the destination and returning home at the exact same instant on both days.

Weird...

Shakira, Shakira!

As you can clearly read in the article above which recently appeared in the Philadelphia Inquirer, Shakira is an intellectual, a philanthropist, and an admirable human being who just happens to sing catchy pop music.

That is why I am interested in her. It's not for any other reason.

And by the way, click here if you've never seen one of her videos incase you've never seen her. Apparently, her hips don't lie... whatever that means.

P.S. Wyclef Jean is still a fucking douchebag.

BotG Ivey (aka Evan Hellmuth Jr.)

When I first started playing Texas hold ‘em I used to hold Poker Pro’s in the highest regard. I believed that Poker Pro’s could know what everyone’s cards were at the table, based on “reads.” I also thought that based on those “reads” they would be able to inevitably beat everyone who was not a pro. I watched the movie Rounder’s and believed the scene that showed Mike McDermott read the entire professor’s hands blind. So, after watching this year’s World Series of Poker, I realized something, I was wrong about all my beliefs about Poker. The clowns at the final table (minus Phil Ivey) had no idea what the other person had and just basically bet (sometimes) when they have a good hand. If you break down the play at this year’s final table, you see many times when players did the right thing, statically, and lost. Players were going “all in” on great hands versus bad hands and losing, like having hands such as Pocket Queens versus Pocket Threes. The guy, who won, Joe Cada, did so many “wrong” plays and still won. On the other hand, Phil Ivey always did the statically best move and went out in 6th. As a guy who’s played a lot of poker it’s frustrating to think that you no matter how much you play, you can’t really get much better past a certain point. This years World Series made me realize something true about the book Outliers. If you haven’t read it, the book is basically about, with anything, you need to be somewhat gifted, have lots of practice, but what separates the “best” in any field is chance, not being the most gifted. You just have to be good enough and fall into the right circumstance. So, at this point I realize I should either: a) Not play poker anymore, due to the fact that at my skill level it’s basically luck versus other guy’s who play as much as me. b) Play poker all the time, because no one is that much better than me. What to do, what to do…