Eddy Sandman Part II and Leaving New York

My brother Walt once remarked that Eddy Curry looks like Mr. Sandman from the video game Mike Tyson’s punch out (see pictures left<---). While this was a very funny observation, laughter over the tubby center has gone from mildly amusing, to outright anger, for the Knick devoted. I knew that I swore off New York for good reason, and the latest with Eddy goes to reinforce my decision to leave the Knicks behind. Eddy Curry is one useless piece of shit!

A week or two ago I was reading that Eddy had not attended some optional workouts. Now, if you know anything about Eddy, conditioning has been an underlying problem throughout his NBA tenure. Eddy apparently was missing and seen hanging out at the Jersey Shore (Eddy ‘Situation’). If this was not funny enough, Eddy said that he wanted a chance to prove himself and “spoke to coach about this.”

I was speaking with Moon yesterday who reminded me that Eddy, during training camp every year, pulls a muscle because he is so out of shape. Then, true to form, Moon informs me after we spoke he read that Eddy pulled his hamstring muscle and is out 4-6 weeks. A-Mazing!

Now, picture this… Your job is to play basketball, essentially stay in good shape. You are compensated roughly 14 million a year to stay in shape. You have a contract year coming up, and you are under the age of 30. Yet, for some inexplicable reason you won’t work out, eat like a pig, and get injured due to your lack of conditioning.

Eddy has gone from a joke to outright sad. General facts about Eddy… despite earning god knows how many millions from the NBA, is on the brink of bankruptcy. His limo driver accused him of making an uninvited gay pass at him. He was robbed at gun point in his own home. His career average for rebounding is around 5 a game despite being 7 feet tall and weighing 300 pounds. He was missing from workouts and hiding out at the Jersey Shore. And now, injured once again. Eddy, “Where is your pride, your dignity?” I think Eddy might have passed Al Harrington on my least favorite NBA player list.

And to top it off, the Knicks traded 80 million draft picks for this clown. And to even top that, the dickhead Isiah Thomas who made one of the worst deals in league history to bring this clown to New York, was wanted back from New York management! If that’s not enough to make you leave the Knicks, nothing will.

Teaneck Quote Game

These are some all time great Teaneck quotes, from our group of friends obviously. Okay… Try to name who said it. Bonus if you can remember the original time it was said.

1. Keep it down! You’re not going to be the one who has to hear my parents shit in the morning!
2. We is very educated.
3. Blub. Blub. Blub.
4. Treemis what! You didn’t think I had it in me, did you?
5. Max don’t have sex with your ex.
6. Goddamn Jews!
7. Dennis, I’m hungry.
8. Send a dove.
9. Thurrrsssdaaayyyy!
10. Relax, calm down, and don’t break the screen.
11. That’s god punishing you for hooking up with too many bitches.
12. You either apologize to the lady, or we put your freaking head through the wall!
13. I’m sorry for calling you white trash.
14. Look at all the lollipops.
15. It is a-mazing.
16. Who is you?

There are many more, but I’m a little lazy this morning.

The New Ricky Vaughn

The past few seasons I have loved to watch Brandon Jacobs. What made Jacobs great was his huge 260 pound frame, strength, and ability to run through people. I used to love to watch two or three guys trying to bring down Jacobs and Jacobs just carrying these people along like pre-school children. But, something terrible has happened to Jacobs and he now wants to be a finesse runner. His big ass is tiptoeing around trying to dance around defenders and it does not work!

Every week I feel like jumping into the TV and yelling at Jacobs “Stop! You’re not Barry Sanders!” The finesse style of running only works when you have speed and agility, and Brandon, foot speed did not get you to this point.

Not many people have seen Major League 2, but essentially the story is about Ricky Vaughn, a Major League Baseball pitcher, who made his career on a fastball in the first Major League changing himself in Major League 2. In the first Major League Ricky has a hard fastball and throws wild. Ricky had just been released from prison prior to joining the baseball team. Ricky is essentially a thug. Ricky is dubbed the “Wild Thing” because of his image as well as his wild pitching style. Now, in Part Deux, Ricky is dating some model, and she wants Ricky to think about his career. She makes him wear designer suits and insists that he have a nice haircut. She essentially domesticates Ricky. The girlfriend insists that he had a curveball and sinker to his pitching arsenal to add longevity to his career. Ricky gives the pitches stupid names like the “Eliminator.” Anyway, when Ricky throws these pitches people hit home runs left and right. Ricky realizes that he must return to his “Wild Thing” days and lose his new squeaky clean image. He goes back to being tough and throwing the fastball which works. So, it’s time, Brandon follow in suit of Ricky Vaughn, put your shoulder down and knock people over! Pick up 4-5 yards per carry by knocking people on their asses! Become the “Wild Thing” again!

I understand why Jacobs wanted to make a change. It’s got to be hard taking those hits and just lowering your shoulder into contact. But, in the words of my grandfather “That’s what you get paid to do!”

Writer's Block

My (literal) to-do list has had "write a new blog post" on it for a while. I'm not sure what to write next. I have a bunch of ideas that I've been kicking around and wanting to write for sometime, but for some reason have not been able to build up the momentum to actually write about one yet. So, I'm throwing in the towel and I'm listing them below. I need to give myself incentive to write. Does anybody want to hear me expound on any of these topics (and if so, which one), and I will get to work:

- Why Kanye West is the important musical artist to debut since I've graduated high school
- The 10 greatest rock and roll groups of all time, to me, with reasons
- Why Oprah Winfrey could be president of the U.S. if she wanted to (including an anecdote about Michael Imperioli)
- Hockey, in general
- A "friend profile" about a random Teaneck friend - how we met, our history, etc...
- North, Central, and South Jersey - a profile of each - what constitutes each, characteristics of each, ...

Cape Cod

(<--Pic from this year at the Cape. Gold, Me, Daff, and Max from left to right)



I have gone to Cape Cod for one week every year for at least the past 18 years (Or 17 years depending on who in my family you talk to). My family goes up in August and I always spend one week there. A lot of Boston people were surprised when I informed them that the Cape was the family’s vacation destination point being so far from my hometown in Northern, New Jersey. They thought that growing up and living in New Jersey, my family and I would choose a location to vacation that was closer to home. However, I don’t think they understand what makes the Cape so appealing.

For those who have not been to Cape Cod I’ll try to explain it, and in doing so, try to explain the appeal. Cape Cod is an island in the most eastern part of Massachusetts. It is a relatively narrow strip of land that extends from a base around a town called Buzzards Bay at the entrance of the island coming to point in the Northern tip a town called Provincetown.

My family always stayed in Truro, which is the town next to Provincetown. Much of the Cape lies within close proximity to beaches and the cottages that my family stayed in were right on the beach on the bayside of the Cape. If you drive across the highway (route 6) you are then on a beach on the ocean side of the Cape. Truro is a very narrow town, and only a few miles from the bay to the ocean side. I think the location of Truro was picked because the family who owns the cluster of cottages we stay at (Topside Cottages) has a connection to New Jersey and somehow knows my family.

The cottage itself is nothing special. It has two bedrooms and a large attic that contains four beds. There is no TV and it is pretty “basic.” There is no insulation in the walls and it is fairly small. However, the location of the cottage being on the beach, as well as close access to Provincetown, which is a tourist destination for: stores, whale watching, fishing, and other such activities, makes the location of Truro appealing.

The first year that we went to the Cape, when I was about 12, my dad advised me and my brother, who was about 15, that we were taking a family trip and that we could each bring one friend. We would leave real early like 6 am (ok that’s not that early but to a 12 year old in the summertime it’s early) to make the approximate 6 hour journey from North Jersey, across New York, Connecticut, and Rhode Island, to Massachusetts. The departure time was notable because at a young age I could not fathom the importance of driving to beat the traffic, and always thought my dad was a maniac for leaving so early. But after I got my license, I understood why we left so early. The traffic in August from New York to Massachusetts is brutal and leaving early allows you to drive with relatively less traffic.

The first year we went up I brought my best friend, Gold. My brother Walt brought co-blogger, Daffy. So, every year we went up, we could each bring one friend. I had a rotation of friends (Nino, Brandon, Cheese, and later Diesel) after Gold started working at a camp. Daffy was a mainstay. (Footnote: Daffy stayed every year the whole week until he had kids, except the years in high school that he left early because he missed his high school girlfriends. LMAO. What a clown).

That bring me to what we do at the Cape. Well, the activates during the day have been about the same since I was 13 until now (I’m 30). We go to the beach, swim, throw the Frisbee or football or whatever, fish, go to the ocean, and loaf around the cottage.

There would always be various chores like, setting the table, sweeping the cottage, doing the dishes, etc… Every year we would play cards on a daily basis, with the winner picking which chore he would like to do. The person who came in second would get second choice of chores and so on. The loser always wound up doing everyone’s dishes (there is no dishwasher in the cottage). This would often lead to someone, during the end of the card game, saying to the person in last place person, “Looks like you’re gonna have dishpan hands” or some other taunting remark. These remarks always added a little insult to injury when trailing far behind in points in a card game.

The nighttime activates have changed over the years. When we were teenagers we would have bonfires on the beach at night and just hang around the fire. As an aside, Daffy was the only one who actually knew how to make a fire that wouldn’t go out after ten minutes. So, we would sit outside around a fire at night and hang out with other random teenage beachgoers. Teenagers, who were usually there with their parents, would walk up and down the beach at night looking for something to get into. I think a large part of why we wanted to make fires was to attract girls. As we got a little older, alcohol was incorporated, as well as random hook-ups with teenage girls.

But, at the Cape you reach a certain age where it becomes a little weird (and borderline illegal) to hang out with teenagers on the beech especially if alcohol or other such activates are going on. I guess I was around 19-20 when I realized that hanging out in such an atmosphere might be somewhat questionable.

So, as I approached and obtained the legal drinking age (and got a fake ID) the bars in Provincetown became the destination. Provincetown has a main street with many stores, bars, and restaurants. Provincetown attracts a large gay population, as well as many artists. It has funky stores and sex shops. People just walk on the street and there is a mixture of local people (primarily gay and/or artists) and families (tourists). Many nights of drunken debauchery took place during those early, close-to-legal (with fake ID) and legal drinking years. If you click here… (I can’t believe it but I’m blocked at work from the site hence no link. I think there is a link from chuckjerry.com, go to great stories and then click on Daffy and the Transvestite) Chuck did a great re-telling of one such evening which I think is very illustrative of that time and this will give you some kind of idea as to what was going on during those years

Some years after all this craziness, I would get my own cottage, and would still go and hang out with my family at night when I was not at a restaurant or bar.

It’s hard to explain the primary reason why I look forward to the trip so much every year. There is nothing inheritably that great about the trip, but I always have a good time. The amenities are basic and certainly not a location one goes to in order to be pampered. I guess the appeal might be getting to spend time with the family, the nostalgia of the location or perhaps I enjoy the tranquility on the day in Truro and Provincetown at night. Probably the appeal is some combination of everything. In any event, I think it is a trip that I will make for years to come.