Quit Stalling Verbal

"Now, I know there was dope on that boat."




Now that we (Americans) embark on the final push before a vote on health care, I have to say I’m very disappointed in the Dems. Yeah, this is nothing new, but the fact that it took this long to get a vote and it’s this close to actually getting done (if at all) goes to show that liberals (Dems, I use these terms interchangeably) really don’t have a chance to push most of their agendas because of their approach and own nature.

Many people ask “How come the Democrats can’t get things done?” The correct answer is because, collectively we are pussies. That’s right, we’re pussies! We try and compromise and help everyone, so much so, that our enemies take advantage of our nature. We (liberals/Dems) try and understand everyone’s position and then compromise to respect their feelings, after all that’s who liberals are. The fact that Barrack has spent so long trying to convince those opposed to Health Care Reform of the benefits of changing the system shows the problem with our approach. We have all known for a long time that the Republicans have been stalling and we allowed them to. Obama should have been like Agent Kujan from the Usual Suspects trying to the nail the Republicans down on their stalling tactics. Obama should have said to the Republicans "Quit stalling Verbal, you know what I’m getting at!” Then, Obama should have thrown Jon Boehner to the floor like Kujan did to Verbal. Yeah, I’m getting carried away. And maybe the Usual Suspects is not the greatest analogy, but the movie does have some good quotes.

Look at the shit that Republicans pushed through over the Bush Years: a war on false premises, torture as formal policy, no federal response at the onset of Katrina, we all know etc… But the point is, we (Dems) have come to accept this. On the other side of the coin, we have taken over a year to get a vote on getting more people covered under health care. When Republicans are in charge, we take the shit that they give us and try to soften the blow or make the most of it. Now that we’re in power, we don’t deliver any blows, we still try and compromise.

There’s a scene in Mississippi Burning when Gene Hackman tries to convince William Dafoe that, sometimes as a liberal, you need to fight with backwards people in matters that don’t come naturally to a liberal. Dafoe’s character Ward (the pussy liberal) says, "Don't drag me down to your gutter, Anderson." Hackman character Anderson (the tough liberal) parries with, "These people crawled out of the sewers, Mr. Ward. Maybe the gutter is the place we have to be." I guess what I’m saying is, just because you’re liberal this should not necessitate you being a pussy. So Dems, change up the strategy or else we won’t be able to get anything done!

Two Incidents from School Today

Can't make this stuff up...

1) Overheard as class is wrapping up...

Girl 1: "See, this is why you're failing. Mr. [Frazier] taught all period and you didn't pay attention at all. You did other stuff!"
Girl 2: "I'm not failing, I'm underachieving!"

Awesome, awesome line. Self-aware, true, and funny. Perhaps a pre-planned line, not entirely ad-libbed, but the first time I'd heard it.

2) After school ended, I'm walking down a long empty hallway in my school and see a container of lip balm. I absent-mindedly kick it halfway down the hallway. A female student I've never talked to before rounds the corner at the opposite end of the hallway, sees the lip balm careening down the hall towards me, walks up to me, and loudly and angrily says:

Her: "Why are you kicking my lip balm down the hallway?"
Me: "Is that your lip balm?"
Her: "Yes, and I don't know why you're kicking it."
Me: "Are you serious?"
Her: "Yeah!"

I reach down to pick it up but before handing it to her, annoyed that I am being talked to in such an angry tone by an irrational teenager, I reply in ...

Me: "Ok. I suppose I just assumed that because it was laying in the hallway in the middle of nowhere with nobody around, that it must be garbage. I apologize. Next time, I'll wait to see if a student I've never seen before comes out of nowhere to claim a lip balm that was laying in an dirty empty hallway before I kick it."

I walked away. She turns to a friend and mumbles something (probably rude) under her breath. I smile smugly to myself.

This incident was so bizarre - not that the incident itself was weird, but that it happened - just surreal.

New York State of Mind

Bill Simmons writes something that touches on something I wrote some time ago:

Speaking of songs, I spent the past few days in New York City and decided that Jay-Z's "Empire State of Mind" was one of the five most brilliant songs ever made. It's like Jay made the decision: "It's 2009 … I've made enough money, I've cemented my legacy, I married Beyonce … really, I guess the only thing left would be to supplant Sinatra with the No. 1 New York-centric go-to song that (A) goes through someone's head every time they walk around Manhattan, and (B) gets played before and after every New York sporting event for the next 25 years, and if that's not enough, becomes a mortal lock to get played at Manhattan clubs once an hour for the rest of eternity. Tough task, but I think I can pull it off. I'm Jay-Z."

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

(<----This is a picture of my new street)

I think most you reading this post know that I recently moved to Boston. I moved to Boston mainly for a job, but also for a new experience. Having never lived outside the Garden State, even for college (I went to Rutgers for undergrad and grad); living outside New Jersey thus far has been great.

Boston is a real awesome city! Most people from the New York Metropolitan Area have hatred towards Boston and everything related to Boston, especially most Yankee baseball fans. I think another reason people from the New York also hate Bostonians because is the way they talk, which is funny to me (i.e. I have to pahk the cah, LOL). But, I have to say, I’m very impressed with the city thus far. There’s a lot to do, and everything is within walking distance from where I live (Back Bay for those who know Boston). Also, the area is real clean (for a city) and the restaurants/bars are fun. A side bar, I live on the same block as Cheers ( HY, pun intended with the word bar). There’s also a lot of cultural shit: museums, historical site seeing, parks (pahks HY), etc... The city has a lot of history and a lot to see. For those who have not been to Boston I guess the best way to describe the city (for me) is it’s kind of a cross between New York and New Jersey.

The job also has been great. For those who don’t know, I worked for Child Protective Services in NJ for eight plus years. I got a job with the Fed in Boston, hence the recent move. Although the experience of working in NJ was great in a lot of ways, I got feed up with certain aspects of the system, especially the impediments of upward mobility and really just tired of the work. But, I digress because this post is really about my living experience in Boston not in NJ. Working in Boston has been great. It’s great to work with intelligent, good hearted, helpful people. I’m also handling issues on a macro level which is much more interesting than dealing with people’s individual problems.

I think that after all my years in the Garden State I needed a change of scenery. Boston (so far) has been a great change!

Totally Krossed Out

Notorious LJT’s latest post about Chi-Ali got my thinking about bad rap bands from my youth and my mind kept going back to Kris Kross. I think most people remember Kris Kross from their hit Jump on their 1992 album, Totally Krossed Out. Thinking about Kris Kross reminded me of a funny story.

Some background on Kris Kross is needed for those who don’t remember. Kris Kross, like Chi-Ali, was a band composed of adolescent /teenager(s). In the case of Kris Kross the group was composed of two kids, apparently each named Chris. Each of the Chris’s took on a “street name” one taking the name “Daddy-Mac” and the other “Mack-Daddy.” Kris Kross was capitalizing on the emergence of hip-hop as popular music in the early 90’s. I think some record executives decide that it would be a profitable to sell adolescent rappers to the public when hip-hop was entering the main stream. I guess the gimmick of having two adolescent peep-squealers was not enough, and Kris Kross added an over the top gimmick… they wore all their clothes backwards!

Why did Kris Kross where their clothes backwards? Who knows? But at the height of Kris Kross fame, I was caught up in the hype. Being an impressionable 12 year old, I actually thought the idea of wearing your clothes backwards was cool! I thought about rocking the style of wearing all my clothes backwards to school.

Now, at that age what you wore to school was probably the largest determining factor in your place in the social hierarchy. Given the importance of the decision on what to wear to school, I didn’t want to make any faux pas. So, I decided a trial run of wearing my clothes backwards would be the best thing, in case there were any unforeseen errors. One day after school, I went to my room alone, and reserved my clothing. Now, at that age my jeans were not exactly baggy, nor were they super-tight. I guess you can say my jeans fit just right, slightly on the tight side for fashion in Teaneck, NJ at the time for my age bracket. I didn’t realize before my trial run that the knee area in my jeans had more give in the front and not in the back. When I attempted to walk after putting my clothes on backwards, my knees really didn’t bend that well.

You might think that the logistics of not being able to walk would be enough to thwart my plan of wearing backwards clothing to school; however, I was not deterred. I continued to try and walk (in an uncomfortable fashion) around my room. It wasn’t until I looked up in the mirror and saw myself did I realize how ridiculous I looked. Here I was, a 12 year old white boy from the suburbs, with semi-tight jeans on, a backwards shirt, almost falling from walking around my room.

I idea of wearing my clothes backwards died that day. Shortly after, my admiration for Kris Kross died as well.

Michael Moore's Latest Rantings

When I was a TBO Umpire, something us teenage umpires were taught was this: When you make a call, especially an out/safe call, do it definitively, decisively, and demonstratively. (Those adjectives probably weren't used, but you get the idea.) One's demeanor can have a huge impact on the person observing this behavior in regard to their level of trust in your judgment. And, I suppose, this is an idea that translates into "real life". If somebody is presenting you with information and they hem and haw their way through their presentation, it sounds different than the same presentation given with conviction and with little or no hesitation.

I mention this in light of reading Michael Moore's latest rant. Political leanings notwithstanding, I think it is true that Obama maybe could've handled himself differently for the past 14 months.

Dear President Obama,

I understand you may be looking to replace Rahm Emanuel as your chief of staff.

I would like to humbly offer myself, yours truly, as his replacement.

I will come to D.C. and clean up the mess that's been created around you. I will work for $1 a year. I will help the Dems on Capitol Hill find their spines and I will teach them how to nonviolently beat the Republicans to a pulp.

And I will help you get done what the American people sent you there to do. I don't need much, just a cot in the White House basement will do.

Now, don't get too giddy with excitement over my offer, because you and I are going to be up at 5 in the morning, 7 days a week and I am going to get you pumped up for battle every single day (see photo). Each morning you and I will do 100 jumping jacks and you will repeat after me:

"THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ELECTED ME, NOT THE REPUBLICANS, TO RUN THE COUNTRY! I AM IN CHARGE! I WILL ORDER ALL OBSTRUCTIONISTS OUTTA MY WAY! IF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DON'T LIKE WHAT I'M DOING THEY CAN THROW MY ASS OUT IN 2012. IN THE MEANTIME, I CALL THE SHOTS ON THEIR BEHALF! NOW, CONGRESS, DROP AND GIVE ME 50!!"

Then we will put on our jogging sweats and run up to Capitol Hill. We will take names, kick butts, and then take some more names. If we have to give a few noogies or half-nelson's, then so be it. In our pockets we will have a piece of paper to show the pansy Dems just how much they won by in 2008 -- and the poll results that show the majority of Americans oppose the Afghanistan and Iraq wars and want the bankers punished. Like drill sergeants, we will get right up in their faces and ask them, "WHAT PART OF THE PUBLIC MANDATE DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, SOLDIER?!! DROP AND GIVE ME 50!"

I know this is the job Rahm Emanuel was supposed to be doing.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have always admired Rahm Emanuel (if you don't count his getting NAFTA pushed through Congress in the '90s which destroyed towns like Flint, Michigan. I know, picky-picky.). He is what we needed for a long time -- a no-apologies, take-no-prisoners fighting machine. Someone who is not afraid to get his hands dirty and pound the right wing into submission. Far from being the foul-mouthed bully he has been portrayed as, Rahm is the one who BEAT UP the bullies to protect us from them.

That's certainly what he did in 2006. After six long, miserable years of the middle-class getting slaughtered and the poor being flushed down the toilet, Rahm Emanuel took on the job of returning Congress to the Democrats. No one believed it could be done.

But he did it. Big time. He put the fear of God into the party of Rush and Newt. They had never been so scared. More importantly, though, he instilled a sense of hope in the Democrats that they could actually score the mother of all hat tricks in 2008 -- and with you, an African American no less, in the pole position!

It worked. The Darkness ended. The vast majority of nation wept with joy on the night of the election (those who weren't weeping went out and bought a record number of guns and ammo). Unlike the last president, you didn't "win" by 537 votes in Florida (although Gore won the popular vote by a half-million), you beat McCain nationally by 9,522,083 votes! The House Democrats got a walloping 79-vote margin. The Senate Dems would caucus with a supermajority of 60 votes unheard of in over 30 years. The wars would now end. America would have universal health care. Wall Street and the banks would, at the very least, be reined in. Hardworking citizens would not be thrown out of their homes. It was supposed to be the dawning of a new age.

But the Republicans were not going to go quietly into the night. You see, instead of having just one Rahm Emanuel, they are ALL Rahm Emanuels. That's why they usually win. Unlike most Democrats, they are relentless and unstoppable. When they believe in something (which is usually themselves and the K Street job they hope to be rewarded with someday), they'll fight for it till the death. They are loyal to a fault to each other (they were never able to denounce Bush, even though they knew he was destroying the party). They dig their heels in deep no matter what. If you exiled them to a lone chunk of melting polar ice cap, they would keep insisting that it was just a normal "January thaw," even as the frigid Arctic waters rose above their God-fearing necks ("See what I mean -- this water is COLD! What 'global *warming*'?! Adam and Eve rode dinos...aagghh!!... gulp gulp gulp").

We thought we were all done with this craziness, but we were mistaken. Like a beast that you just can't cage, the Republicans convinced not only the media, but YOU and your fellow Dems, that 59 votes was a *minority*! Precious time was lost trying to reach a "consensus" and trying to be "bipartisan."

Well, you and the Democrats have been in charge now for over a year and not one banking regulation has been reinstated. We don't have universal health care. The war in Afghanistan has escalated. And tens of thousands of Americans continue to lose their jobs and be thrown out of their homes. For most of us, it's just simply no longer good enough that Bush is gone. Woo hoo. Bush is gone. Yippee. That hasn't created one new friggin' job.
You're such a good guy, Mr. President. You came to Washington with your hand extended to the Republicans and they just chopped it off. You wanted to be respectful and they decided that they were going to say "no" to everything you suggested. Yet, you kept on saying you still believed in bipartisanship.
Well, if you really want bipartisanship, just go ahead and let the Republicans win in November. Then you'll get all the bipartisanship you want.
Let me be clear about one thing: The Democrats on Election Day 2010 are going to get an ass-whoopin' of biblical proportions if things don't change right now. And after the new Republican majority takes over, they, along with a few conservative Democrats in Congress, will get to bipartisanly impeach you for being a socialist and a citizen of Kenya. How nice to see both sides of the aisle working together again!

And the brief window we had to fix this country will be gone.

Gone.

Gone, baby, gone.

I don't know what your team has been up to, but they haven't served you well. And Rahm, poor Rahm, has turned into a fighter -- not of Republicans, but of the left. He called those of us who want universal health care "f***ing retarded." Look, I don't know if Rahm is the problem or if it's Gibbs or Axelrod or any of the other great people we owe a debt of thanks to for getting you elected. All I know is that whatever is fueling your White House it's now running on fumes. Time to shake things up! Time to bring me in to get you pumped up every morning! Go Barack! Yay Obama! Fight, Team, Fight!

I'm packed and ready to come to D.C. tomorrow. If it helps, you won't really be losing Rahm entirely because I'll be bringing his brother with me -- my agent, Ari Emanuel. Man, you should see HIM negotiate a deal! Have you ever wanted to see Mitch McConnell walking around Capitol Hill carrying his own head in his hands after it's just been handed to him by the infamous Ari? Oh, baby, it won't be pretty -- but boy will it be sweet!

What say you, Barack? Me and you against the world! Yes we can! It'll be fun -- and we may just get something done. Whaddaya got to lose? Hope?

Retardedly yours,
Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
MichaelMoore.com

P.S. Just to give you an idea of the new style I'll be bringing with me, when a cornhole like Sen. Ben Nelson tries to hold you up next time, this is what I will tell him in order to get his vote: "You've got exactly 30 seconds to rescind your demand or I will personally make sure that Nebraska doesn't get one more federal dollar for the rest of Obama's term. And then I will let everyone in your state know that you wear Sooner panties, backwards. NOW DROP AND GIVE ME 50!"