Jersey Shore Season 2 (I’m Going to the Jersey Shore Bitch!)

I know not all of my co-bloggers share my enthusiasm for the upcoming Jersey Shore Season 2 debut this Thursday (07/29/10) night. But, I have to say, I can’t wait!

For those who have not tried watching this masterpiece of a show, I employ you, give it a try. If you have not watched it, I assume you’re going to argue that you don’t watch the show because it is stupid, mindless entertainment. My response is, yes it is, and it is the best in stupid and mindless entertainment. Some shit in life needs to be completely silly and light, that it what the Jersey Shore is. Being every author (and probable reader) on this blog is from Jersey, we all know guys and girls like this. The fun of the show is, you can see it and be a part of it, but also be removed from it.

My advice in watching the show is to think to of the show as a social satire. The show is a total mock of our societal values, from our obsession with looks (fake tanning) to our quest for love. I know it may feel silly watching a bunch of idiots: hang out, get drunk, fight, and “hook up”, but it truly is the best in mindless entertainment.

In case you missed it, my recap of season 1 (from the best of my recollection): 4 guys and 4 girls, self admitted guidos and guidettes who don’t know each other are sharing a house at the Jersey Shore, specifically Seaside NJ. The cast members have to work in shifts at a nearby T-shirt shop in exchange for staying at the house. At the onset of the show, cast member Mike “The Situation” flirts with and seems to develop a crush on cast member Sammi “Sweetheart”, another cohabitator of the house. After “Sweetheart” shows initial interest in “Situation” she starts to fall romantically for another cast member Ronnie (no nickname). Ronnie and “Sweetheart” develop a relationship over the course of their stay in the house. Ronnie and Sammi experience various relationship turmoil as other opportunities to meet other potential mates present themselves (once again at clubs at the Jersey Shore).

Meanwhile, Angelina, another cast member, who is involved in a relationship with a married man, gets dumped by stated man on like the 2nd or 3rd episode and she leaves the show for the season. “Situation” and another cast member Paul “DJ Pauly D” meet various girls out at the local clubs for the rest of the season and their quest to “hook up” with random girls is well documented. Cast member Nicole “Snooki” looks for a guy to “hook up with” all season and is not successful in finding an appropriate suitor. “Snooki” describes her ideal suitor as being a “typical guido.” Cast member Jennifer “Jwoww” has a steady boyfriend who is not on the show. “Jwoww” hooks up with “DJ Pauly D” admits her infidelity to her at home boyfriend, who then reconcile. She does not stray from her relationship for the rest of the season.


Tension begins to build in the house as cast member Vinny (No nickname) gets romantically involved with “Situation’s” sister who visits the home on an occasion. Tension also mounts for “Situation” and cast members Ronnie and “Sweetheart” as “Situation” appears to be jealous that “Sweetheart” chooses Ronnie over him (“Situation”). Tempers even flare between “Situation” and “Jwoww” over an occurrence at a nightclub in Atlantic City.

At the end of the season, Ronnie (despite being arrested for punching someone at the Jersey Shore) and “Sweetheart” remain together. “Situation” appears to make amends with most of his house mates. “Jwoww” continues her relationship with her at home boyfriend. Vinny and “Situation’s” sister’s relationship comes to an end. And “Snooki” never finds love.

Season 2 takes place in Miami with all original cast members signing on for the season. Previews show that Vinny and “Snooki” may have a brief affair. Also, we see “Sweetheart” and “Jwoww” come to fisticuffs with what appears to be some kind of fight over Ronnie.

Can’t wait for Thursday….

Glory Days... Glory Daaaaaaayyyyyyss!! (Well they'll pass you by)

Evan recently wrote that, like an abused spouse, one needs to cut themselves off from the Knicks in order to protect oneself emotionally. I couldn't agree more, and came to that conclusion some years ago.

However...

Aren't we allowed to look at photos or videos now and then and remember what the good times were like? Are we entering the dangerous trap of allowing oneself to reminisce and thus re-opening that scar tissue?

I must. (Isn't YouTube great?) Partly for nostalgia sake, but partly to look back on better days in the NBA. Days of true hatred and passion, cold-hearted bad-ass "villians" like Reggie Miller, and gritty, kick-ass teams like the Knicks.

I was a senior in high school. It was spring of 1994. The Knicks were great. Jordan retired and the door was open for a championship. The Knicks got to the Eastern Conference semi-finals and first beat those pesky Bulls who put a righteous scare into them...



Can you imagine the level of emotional devastation we all would have felt if the Knicks lost to the Bulls sans Jordan? It could've happened.



The Eastern Conference Finals brought the Indiana Pacers. Reggie Miller did this in Game 5.





Fucking amazing. That is the definition of "on fire". In particular, that long 3 at 5:40 takes some fucking balls to take. But we were triumphant:





Finally, in the midst of the O.J. insanity, the Rockets finally did us in. It was bittersweet, to come so close and come up short. How short did we come up? This short:





(sigh)... Will I ever love a team again like those Knicks teams?

"Quadruple Who"

... or "Why The Knicks Ownership Is More Incompetent Than Mr. Bean"



Could it get worse than this? Oh yeah... much, much worse.


First, they leave the free-agency bonanza with Amare Stoudamire and Raymond Felton. Ok. Not terrible, not great. Felton is a decent point guard, by the way. A glimmer of optimism starts to shine on the Knicks faithful.

Then... oh, sweet God do the Knicks suck.... then...

...they give up David Lee for three guys my father memorably dubbed "Who", "Double-Who", and "Triple-Who". In other words, three irrelevant guys.

Yes, I understand that David Lee was going to cost a lot of money, and they are trying to build for the future. I get it. But, come on, let's put on our common sense hats for a minute. How can you placate a passionate and hungry New York public with these band of jokers? This was the crushing blow that sent many New York faithful, including BotG, into a Knicks-hating frenzy.

... then, in a serious context, an article breaks that they have seriously considered bringing Isiah Thomas back to run the team. Isiah Thomas! Isiah Fucking Thomas! I don't know what to even say about this. What kind of cruel joke are they trying to play on New York?

... And finally, the coup de gras... they sign some Russian big man... does his name really matter? All you need to know about him is this:

- He, of course, got the moniker "Quad Who" from Pop. I'll be calling him that a year from now... if he's even in the NBA.
- He averaged less than 8 points and 7 rebounds IN THE RUSSIAN LEAGUE. (Matt Dabney once averaged double digits in the Russian league. As did I. We were teammates there.) If somebody's coming from Russia to get any minutes of substance or make any serious contribution, he better be putting up LeBron numbers over there.
- Speaking of this, I made an immediate bet with eternal optimist Pop - that Quad Who would average less than 10 minutes per game next season.
- Two words: Frederic Weis.
- Don't believe me? This is a HIGHLIGHT REEL for him. Jay Koeppel looked better in the Maccabi games when he had more of a height advantage than Wilt Chamberlain. In his highlight reel, he shoots an airball and misses layups. Oy vey.



Is he going to help the Knicks leave the valley of suckdom? I say, "Nyet".

(Hat-tip to BotG for finding this clip and for reminding me of how it was reminiscient of Jay Koeppel's Maccabi games highlight reel.)

Rat Alley

Since my move to Boston several months ago, I’ve had to get accustomed to rodents, specifically, the rat. Growing up in the suburbs we never had rat problems. I read a book recently titled Rats, which was fascinating. Rats basically live in the cities, on human garbage. So, the worse the waste management system is, the higher the likelihood that there will be a rise in the numbers of rats in your neighborhood.

I live in a very nice neighborhood in Boston called Back Bay. The architecture of my neighborhood is mainly brownstones. The neighbored is laid out in a grid, and between each of the streets there are huge alleyways, which you can drive down. My girlfriend decided that it would be a good idea to bring up bicycles that she had from Jersey for exercise. So, we strapped the bikes to the back of the car and brought them up to Boston from Jersey. We arrived at nighttime in Boston and I drove down the alley. My girlfriend and I were unloading the bikes and other items into my apartment which has an entrance on the backside of the building. Now, the alleyway is also where people leave the garbage for pick up. The ironic part of what was about to occur was on the drive up I remarked to my girlfriend after being in the city for a few weeks “Wow, the neighborhood is great, and unlike New York, I haven’t seen a single rat.” Turns out, I spoke to soon.

While I was unstrapping the bikes my girlfriend was taking in some items into the apartment. I looked down the alley and saw a rat running across the street about twenty yards away. I didn’t think much of it, but took note, because after a prior rat sighting in New York City, I knew my girlfriend was not fond of the creature. Once my girlfriend was inside, I heard a little scuffle behind me and there, running along side a wall in the alley I saw about three more rats running. I looked to my left to see many more rats. My girlfriend was walking back to the car to retrieve more items, but I quickly advised her to go inside and stay there.

I later told my girlfriend why I advised her to stay inside to which she was happy that I spared her from being in an alley filled with rats, but also a little freaked out that there were so many rats in close proximity to where we lived. Now, I thought, as long we avoided the alley at night, especially on garbage pick up nights we might avoid future encounters with the rodents. But, no such luck.

Last weekend, my girlfriend took the car, which had been parked on the street from Boston back to Jersey. She went to visit her family and I had friends come up and visit, including co-blogger Moon. My girlfriend called me one day after arriving in Jersey. She relayed to me what occurred a few minutes before her phone call. She advised me that one of the headlights went out when she was driving the car the previous evening. So, she asked her 18 year old brother if he could change the bulb the following morning. My girlfriend popped the hood of the car so her brother could remove the casing for the light. As soon as the hood was opened a rat ran across the engine of the car! That’s right; the rat must have crawled underneath the car in Boston, made a home in the engine, and then made the drive from Boston to New Jersey! I couldn’t believe it, but it was true. My first thought was the episode of the Simpson’s when Bart brings a frog to Australia, and since frogs are not indigenous to the habitat the frogs multiple at a rapid rate. I pictured my girlfriend’s suburban town overrun by rats. Anyway, the rat seemed to run away after seeing my girlfriend and her brother discovering its home and I have not heard anything about rats taking over the suburbs of Jersey.

I love living in Boston so far. The city is great! My neighbored truly is amazing. But, I guess there is always a downside. So far, the only problem has been dealing with the rats. Knock on wood, my girlfriend and I have not had to deal with one inside the apartment yet.

The Decision

Ok, I’m giving everybody reading this post inside information. I’ll call the few people who read this blog my inside sources. So you, as my inside sources, can now leak this information to the public. After long consideration and deliberation I’ve come to a decision. It’s been a very difficult time, for me and my family, but I’ve made a decision. I don’t make this decision lightly…I’ve decided to take my talent as a fan to the Boston Celtics!

I know everyone is shocked but I feel this is the right decision for me. A lot of people call my brother Walt a sports sell out, since his move to Philly and decision to become a Philly sports fan. A lot of people have given him shit about selling on the Knicks (Ok, most of the shit comes from me), but I never understood why he sold out, until now. My eyes are open now. As Samuel Jackson said in Pulp Fiction “I’ve had what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity.”

I realize now, that I was suffering from Battered Woman Syndrome. The Knicks have abused me for 10 years, but I’ve reached my tipping out. Most people I know including: LJT, Open Bar, Side Bar’s Brother, my brother Walt, and just about the rest of the breathing sports world had abandoned the Knicks at some point in the past 10 years. Like a child waiting for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, I waited patiently. But, Santa never came. I watched for the past 10 years the Knicks made one horrendous move after another. There was a point where I wanted George Bush to become to the GM for the Knicks, because, even he couldn’t make such bad decisions. I sat through: Marbury, Steve Francis, Glenn Rice, Jerome James, and Eddy Curry. I watched the Knicks trade away picks for nothing, and sexually harass interns along the way. I stood by them. I would come home from work put on a game, and have the Knicks kick my in the balls…for 10 years! The Knicks were my “Buttercup Baby.” They would “Build me up, just to let me down.” But, no more! As Chris Rock said… “I’m giving in my glove.”

I have to root for Boston! Not only do I live here, but they have likeable guys in: Rondo, Pierce, Allen, and Garnett. They have a likeable coach in Doc Rivers and a loyal fan base. They also have a great history. Most importantly, they might be the only team who can take on Miami in the east. So, I’m dumping the Knicks, after years of loyalty, and joining the Celtics. The Celtics are my new boyfriend. They work hard, make good decisions, and are reliable, you know, all the things the Knicks are not. I’m leaving my abuser today. But like every battered woman, I’m allowing myself a chance to jump back on the bandwagon if the Knicks pull off a miracle real soon and get someone like Carmelo Anthony. Short of that, I’m out like Tina on Ike Turner.

I think the final nail in the coffin for me was the Knicks signing and trading away David Lee. David, has been my safe place from my abuser. Like an abused child hiding under the bed. He has been the one bright spot the past few years. But like usual, the Knicks kick me in the balls! I don’t blame them for Lebron not picking them. What I do blame them for is that they traded away Lee, their only all star, for some guys named Anothony Randolph and Ronny Turiaf, or as my dad called them “who” and “double who.” Either let him go or get a real player in return like Tony Parker.

So, I depart the Knicks with three words… Let’s Go Celtics!!!!

Signs of the Ghetto

I drove to South Boston the other day and was wondering if I was in the ghetto. I tried to compare it to past experiences being in ghetto areas and was thinking about what signs there are in an environment to know if you are in the ghetto. Here is what I came up with so far:

1. At the corner store they sell loosies. (For those who don’t know, loosies are cigarettes that are sold on an individual basis and not in a pack). I think this made its way into the ghetto because people in the ghetto can’t afford to buy a whole pack at a time, thus the owner of the store, opens the pack, and sells cigarettes on an individual basis.
2. Chris Rock said it best (paraphrased) “If you’re on a Martin Luther King Boulevard you’re in the ghetto!” Having worked in some ghetto areas in Jersey, I would expand the street names from Martin Luther King to include Rosa Parks, Muhammad Ali, or any other name that includes a civil rights activist.
3. A lot of fried chicken places, that are not KFC. Whenever I’m in a ghetto area there is always an abundance of places like “King Fried Chicken” or “Chicken Palace” you know establishments that sell nothing but fried food.
4. People using the fire hydrant as a public sprinkler system. You will see this in the summertime in ghetto areas as a means of cooling down.
5. There are guys who sell random shit in the street. Usually the items sold will be flowers but this can also include produce, jewelry, or any such random item.
6. There is an abundance of graffiti or murals painted on the wall. Don’t get me wrong, I like some graffiti and murals, however, you don’t see this is none ghetto areas.
7. Bars on people’s windows. The bars being on the windows of their home residence.
8. Crazy people talking to themselves on the street. These people usually suffer from mental health disorders and are usually in the middle of a street somewhere. You usually see them yelling at themselves or no one in particular in the street. Everybody who lives in the neighborhood either walks by the person or says hi like they are engaging in normal behavior.

I know there are more sings of a ghetto, but these are just some that come to mind.