Squirrels

Squirrels, in my opinion, are in the same category of pest as the cockroach, the pigeon in NYC, and rats/mice. They are the rats of the tree world.

If you've ever lived in the suburbs, which almost 100% of us have, you've seen this crafty tough animal scamper around the trees in your yard. And if you've ever had a bird feeder, you know that these squirrels can perform almost impossible, remarkable physical feats to get at the feeders and eat the seed intended for birds.

Objectively, squirrels should be cute and harmless. However, I find them creepy, invasive and annoying. Mrs. Frazier has hung various feeders and the like around our yards in our various apartments, and now in our house. And, despite her best efforts, squirrels are almost impossible to keep away. Many people you'll talk to have "war stories" about keeping squirrels away from places in their yards.


Watch the following video as an illustration of their prowess as a squirrel runs an obstacle course. Amazing.





There are also many videos on YouTube of squirrels getting into bird feeders, such as the following, which for some reason creeps me out. It's like finding a rat in your kitchen pantry.

NBA Lockout

The more I think about the NBA lockout, the more I laugh and then almost cry (not literally, but I’ll be pissed if we miss any of this season). I was reading a couple of different sites, and the request from the owners seems to stem out of their bad decisions. Now, the owners want reform! But, they want to reform themselves. It also appears like the owners are outright bullshitting. So, in order for an NBA season, we have to hope the owners save themselves from … themselves.

From what I read a major problem with the current collective bargaining agreements is bad contracts. The Eddy Curry (or Sandman) example is constantly referenced and for good reason. Eddy had made 31 million over the course of the past three seasons and apparently, only played in 10 games. Also in those ten games, he wasn’t effective. The reasons behind Eddy’s failure to produce are due in part to his physical conditioning. Clearly this was a bad contract. The argument is put forth by the owners that contracts like Eddy’s, or Gilbert Arenas, is that they are stuck paying millions for long term deals for players who do not produce. Now, the funny thing about this “complaint” is that it is the owners who create the contracts they are complaining about! Nobody held a gun to James Dolan’s head and told him to give an overweight, unproven center millions. If Dolan overpaid, let him live with the consequences of being a bad owner and manager. On the other hand, Buss is not complaining about having to pay Kobe millions because he got the return on his investment. It’s called a business and there are no guarantees. If you want to help increase the probability that you make a profit, don’t make bad decisions!

Now, to the underlying issue… the owners are saying that only a few teams are profitable. I call bull shit! Granted I haven’t seen the books, but I’m inclined to believe the players that some of owners are hiding some of their revenue and inflating some of the costs. NBA games sell out on a regular basis, even in small markets, not to mention merchandise, and what TV and Cable Stations pay the NBA to broadcast the games. How many billion is collected in revenue from that? Also, I find it hard to believe that teams have been not making a profit for years. If they weren’t making a profit, did they run the teams out of charity? To entertain us? Bull! To steal a line from Uncle Junior from the Soprano’s this is clearly the case of a woman begging for food while holding a Virginia ham under her arm.

The owners need to be willing to budge, because, unfortunately, I like watching basketball, and they are clearly bullshitting. If the players make some concessions with their salaries, I guess the owners should have to learn to be better decision makers if they want to make a profit.

The King of Comedies

Mrs. Frazier and I were re-watching Talladega Nights the other night ("Why, if it isn't our mangy, transient grandfather"). By the way, I know my brother Beer-on-the-Girl is not a Will Ferrell fan. I do maintain that Talladega Nights is a consistently funny movie, even if its perhaps a bit over the top.

Anyway, afterwards I commented to Mrs. Frazier, "Wow, Will Ferrell's been in a handful of decent comedy movies. I wonder if there's anybody that's been in more than him." She responded, "Oh sure, there must have been. What about Eddie Murphy? How about Bill Murray?"

A good question... "Which actor has been in the most decent comedy movies?"

So we started naming famous actors that have been in a handful of comedy movies and going over their resumes. There is, of course, always some discussion about if particular movies qualify as "decent" or not.

Here are a handful of the first few famous comedy actors we thought of, and what may qualify as their "decent" comedy movies:

Will Ferrell: Austin Powers, Zoolander, Old School, Anchorman, Wedding Crashers, Talladega Nights

Bill Murray: Caddyshack, Stripes, Ghostbusters, Little Shop of Horrors, Scrooged, Groundhog Day

Steve Martin: Three Amigos, The Jerk, Little Shop of Horrors, Parenthood, My Blue Heaven, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Eddie Murphy: Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop, Golden Child, Coming to America, Boomerang, The (first) Nutty Professor


Certainly, one could add or subtract comedies from each person's resumes, depending on one's opinion of what a decent movie is or not.

But the point: Two things stood out...

1) All of them have been in plenty of shitburger movies. Check out any of their resumes on IMDB. You will see a handful of movies in each person's resume that will have you saying, "Wow, they must have cashed in when they did that movie."

2) Look at the number of movies in each person's resume. What do you notice? They all only have 6 "decent" comedy movies! Why is there not one comedic actor that has 10 good comedies or more? Maybe many of them seem to have lost their comedic touch after they've been around for a while and aged. Bill Murray started doing serious, artsy films. Eddie Murphy got stuck in the kids movie rut and seemed to forget how to be funny.

So who is the king of comedy movies? Who did we overlook? Who has been in the most decent movies? And, what are the best individual comedic movie performances of all time?

True Blood!

True Blood is back for Season 4!!! My major concern regarding the show is this will be the season when it jumps the shark, but, once committed to a show, I stick with it despite how bad it gets, like I did for the Soprano’s despite the drop off in quality for the 5th season and huge decline in quality for the 6th. The worse show I ever stuck with was Beverly Hills, and that really jumped the shark, but I hung in there for 10 god damn seasons. However, after watching the first two episodes of True Blood I’m optimistic that the Season will remain high quality television.

Season 4 starts with Sookie going to fairy land, which turned out to be filled with goblins. When Sookie first goes to fairyland, she is supposed to eat some glowing fruit, which makes everything in the land seem great. Sookie realizes this is a trap. While in fairyland, Sookie runs into her grandfather who was unaware that he had been in the land for 20 years, and it “felt like only a few weeks.” This storyline was very 1980’s fairies and goblins, and reminded me of a bad take on Labyrinth, with David Bowie. Sookie quickly leaves fairyland and returns home to find she has been gone for a year, despite the fact that she feels like she has only been gone for about 15 minutes, but in fairyland, “time works differently.” This whole storyline sucked and was a huge “Ho yes!” I was concerned that we had just jumped the shark, but it got better.

Upon Sookie’s return we find out Jason has become a cop, sold Sookie’s house, and is helping the hillbilly Ringwood people. But, I’ll return to Jason in a minute. We find out that Bill is now Vampire king of Louisiana. We then find out in the second episode that Bill trapped previous Queen Sophie Ann, with the assistance of Nan Flanagan, the head of the Vampire something-or- another League. Bill lies to Nan and tells her there is nothing special about Sookie.

We find out at the end of Season 4 Episode 1, and the beginning of Episode 2 that Eric bought Sookie’s house. Eric informs Sookie that he could feed off her without her consent but wants her to give herself to him (Eric) and he will protect her, which she will need once other vampires find out she is a fairy. The sexual tension between Eric and Sookie grows and grows, but with no delivery.

Jason, upon trying to help the hillbillies, who are also were-panthers, is trapped by his former potential romance from Season 3 (Crystal) and her new boyfriend, Filton, the one who took her at the end of season 3. Jason is tied to a bed and is informed that he is going to need to mate with Crystal. This was a pretty funny scene, which is hard for me to say because the Jason sub-plots generally have been the worst part of the show, like when Jason became religious in season 2 (yawn) but I digress. So, Jason asks how Filton is okay with her (Crystal) having sex with him (Jason). Jason also wants to know why Filton is removing his pants when Crystal informs him that she wants to make a baby with him. Well, Jason is told that he is going to be converted to a were-panther to ensure “the blood line” and he is selected because Filton can’t make babies. The scene ends with Crystal and Filton turning into panthers and biting Jason.

In the most interesting story line, Lafayette has joined a witch coven, which he initially is skeptical of, but comes to give it try by being convinced by his boyfriend, Jesus. Bill summons Eric to investigate the coven as he learns that this coven is using some witchcraft that can control the dead. Eric busts into the coven, and Lafayette says “oh shit!” Eric tells the head of the witches that she needs to cease practicing witchcraft. Lafayette tells the head witch “do what he (Eric)says; he tends to get what he wants.” Lafayette knows this because he was held captive by Eric in Season 2 for selling vampire blood. Tara, back from New Orleans where she is now in a lesbian relationship and lying about her identity, attempts to stab Eric who grabs her. Lafayette regretfully stands up to Eric to save Tara. The witch is able to presumably cast a spell on Eric, and last we see of him, Eric is wandering shirtless unaware of his identify. Eric is discovered by Sookie who is looking for him to get her house back, which Eric has purchased, but Eric does not recognize her because of his witch induced trance, and wants to know “why she smells so good.”

Now, the boring subplots… Arlene is concerned her baby is evil. In another boring subplot, head sheriff Andy Bellflur is hooked on vampire blood (yawn.) Slightly less boring (and ever so slight) Sam is hanging out with a group of shifters and has a new love interest (Luna).

So, the stories are weaving together nicely, at least the vampires and the witches, and should provide for some good plot twists and drama. There have been some funny parts already. Also, True Blood has stepped up their nudity and sex as each episode has contained several graphic scenes so far. I’m already looking forward to Episode 3!

If I was James Dolan…

I would be a douchebag (HY)! Now seriously, with draft day looming it’s time to start thinking about what the Knicks should do. The Knicks have one more year with D’Antoni. The Knicks are obviously locked into Melo and Amare who account for roughly 40 million under the cap. Unfortunately, they picked up the pricey extension for Chauncey to come back for about 15 million. Aside from these three, they don’t have any big contracts. As far as movable assets, Fields and Douglas cost practically nothing, and are both young decent players which make them attractive in a trade. Also, the Knicks have the 17th pick in the draft. Thus, the idea of a combination of Fields and/or Douglas with their draft pick is being floated in various scenarios.

Of course, the summertime for the NBA is time for the rumor mill to be in full effect. The rumors so far for possible Knicks moves have the possibility of trading one their assets (Fields or Douglas) plus their pick for Minnesota’s point guard (PG) Johnny Flynn. Flynn was a top ten pick two seasons ago, but had a hip injury and a sophomore slump. This move doesn’t make sense to me (aside from the fact that we could have had a number of better PG’s in Jennings, Lawson, and Holiday and passed on all them for Jordan Hill, SMH!). I think Douglas is as good Flynn plus has more size and shooting range. Next, is the idea of trading one of their assets and pick to move up to land BYU’s Jimmer Freddete. Jimmer was the country’s college leading scorer. Concerns about Jimmer (as with every white guy) is his speed and defense. I think the knock on his speed is not well founded; however, his defense does remain a question mark. The big gamble with Jimmer is his ability to make the leap. The upside is his range and desire to be a Knick, which he has said would be his 1st choice (mom is it my choice). In other moves, the idea of trading Chauncey for Steve Nash has been floated. What the Knicks will probably do is draft the best player available with their pick, like a Chris Singleton guy, and stay put on all these moves and make a move next season.

What I would do if I were the Knicks GM is to go after the best big man available. Restricted and unrestricted big men include Tyson Chandler and Marc Gasol. Rumors have the Bucks wanting to trade Bogut. I would also make the Chauncey for Nash trade if I could. I would stay away from Vince Carter and Bonzi Wells, both of whom are available and have been talked about in connection to the Knicks. I think we should go after any of these legit big men, hopefully Chandler, and with a good PG like Nash, plus Melo and Amare, the Knicks are in the mix in the east. I would also use the pick and one of my assets to move up for Jimmer. I believe he is worth the gamble.

Now, if the Knicks are unable to sign a big man or trade Billups I would stay put and look to get Deron Williams or Chris Paul at the end of the season. As an aside, I can’t see Deron signing an extension with the Nets but who knows. I think the Knicks are in decent position moving forward. My major concern is still Melo’s ability to become a leader and bring a championship back to the Garden. Also, after next season I would say goodbye to D’Antonti. Let’s go Knicks!!!

Prayer Answered

Dear God,

Thank you.

Walt Clyde Frazier

A Prayer

Dear God,

If you can hear me... let Dallas beat Miami in the NBA Finals.

Walt Clyde Frazier

My Fiancé

I met her in 2007 when I was supervising at DYFS, in NJ. I always found her pleasant, caring, attractive, and fun to be around. She moved away, closer to her home, and we both went on with our lives. Then, two years ago we went out to dinner and everything changed!

When we went to dinner something happened. I found that I was interested in her, and she found that she was interested too. We clicked, and started to hang out every weekend. I drove down to the shore, or she would drive up to me.

She agreed to move to Boston with me. She decided to go to school, and I took a new job. Every day I spent with her the feelings grew and grew. I knew she was the one…

So, I bought a ring, and waited and waited. I knew I wanted to give to her when the time was right. I waited until a day before her 27th birthday. Then, I asked her to marry me. She said “of course.” I love you baby, more than anything!

Kobe's Attitude

I was so glad to see the Lakers get swept by the Mavericks yesterday. It was even better to see the Lakers sit there in the press conference knowing that Phil is leaving and even better that this current era for the Lakers is coming to close. One of my many problems with the current era of the Lakers is Kobe. He is a smug, pompous, bitch! Now, the surprising thing about the Lakers losing was that my brother Walt was justifying Kobe being an asshole. My position (and also the correct position) is that there is no excuse for Kobe being an asshole!

To explain what I mean, YouTube search Kobe Bryant + press conference. Click on any single one and you will know right away what I’m referring to. I’ve waxed philosophically about the stupid questions and commentary in today’s sports culture, but Kobe responds to the stupid questions like a dick. For example, in 2010 after a Lakers loss to the Celtics a reporter asked in a press conference if Kobe felt confident about being down 3 games to 2, going into game 6. Kobe said “No, I’m not confident; I’m not a confident person.” Then, starred at the reporter, gave a sarcastic smile, and didn’t say anything else. Kobe, dick, the guy is just doing his job!

Walt asserts that somehow Kobe needs to be a dick because he is the best in the world and everyone is trying to knock him off the hill. Walt feels (I think) that Kobe needs to be on edge and brush off commentators and reporters to maintain his status, and at a minimum we should understand Kobe’s plight. My contention is that Kobe is blessed to be one of the most gifted athletes ever, and is in the unique position of being one of the best at his craft and gets more than enough compensation for the work he does. I’m not saying that he should be stating how grateful he is in every interview, but I would like someone to say to Kobe, “Lose the attitude, tough guy.”

Lucy, You Got Some Splainin to Do!

Osama Bin Laden is dead, nothing that we will make run to the streets chanting “USA, USA”, but it is a huge event in history. Out of all the stories and questions being examined the one that fascinates me is, “What did Pakistan know?” In the movie Casino, Robert DeNiro says to an employee who he suspects to have scammed his own Casino out of money “Listen, if you didn't know you're bein' scammed, you're too fuckin' dumb to keep this job. If you did know, you were in on it. Either way, you're out. Get out! Go on. Let's go.” Pakistan, after accepting approximately 20 billion dollars in aid over the past decade, with over 10 billion towards the military, including money for intelligence, claims to have had no knowledge about Bin Laden’s whereabouts. Yet, Bin Laden was found, not in cave or under a rock, but in an affluent suburb, in a house six times the size of most surrounding houses, not far from their “west point” in a town comprised of many military retires. Well Pakistan, as Ricky Ricardo would say “you have some splainin’ to do.”

The more I read about Pakistan’s denial of Obama’s whereabouts, and, as of today, Pakistan’s objection to not having notification of the US invading Osama’s compound, it’s becoming pretty damn clear that, at the very least, something fishy is going on. Let’s try to examine this rationally. Bin Laden had a wall built around his compound, with barbed wire. Let’s pretend that Pakistan did not know who moved into the compound some six years ago. Did nobody in their intelligence community think to look at the person who purchased the biggest house in town, built a wall around it, and then asked for no internet/cable service, and denied garbage pickup? Was the prevailing thought that the new rich neighbor is just some eccentric dude?

And now, Pakistan is saying that they should have been consulted prior to us going in. Brother, please! Forgot about the consultation, I think we need to cut aid to them till we get to the bottom of this, and if gross negligence is found, we need to recoup some of those funds used for their so called “intelligence.”