The first rule about the "Teaneck Fight Club"? Tyler Durden would probably kick all of our asses.
My brother Beer-on-the-Girl and I were having a beer this summer at the Cottage Bar prior to one of our July Poker League games. We starting discussing who would win in a fight between two of our friends, and we started laughing about the idea, as our group of friends are fairly self-effacing and none of us are big fighters. Later that night, we played poker. After the game, the two of us went with ChuckJerry to Dairy Queen and told him about our conversation, which he also found funny.
The exact question was, "Who would win in a bar fight, right now: Person x or Person y?" The fight has no rules: beer glasses, pool sticks etc.. are allowed to be used, and current physical shape and mentality are to be considered (i.e. the LJT of right now is fighting, not the LJT of 5 years ago).
We listed 15 people that were in our group of Teaneck friends and started to speculate about where people would rank on the list. We came up with a semi-conclusive ordered list of who would kick whose ass.
A few days later, ChuckJerry, LJT, and myself found ourselves at LJT's crib in Jersey City thinking about the list again. We had many laughs and, over much deliberation, made our power rankings of the 14 people (minus Jay K).
Here are the people that were involved in the ranking (full names are not used in order to preserve Internet anonymity, and nicknames are used where appropriate).
Class of 1994:
1) Walt Clyde Frazier
2) MMG
3) Chris H.
4) Andy B.
5) Daffy
6) Joeydidit
Class of 1996:
7) Side Bar
8) Open Bar
9) ChuckJerry
10) LJT
11) Winit
12) Diesal
Class of 1997:
13) Beer-on-the-Girl
14) Jay K.
15) Gold
It helped the committee of 3 at LJT's place to first rank the 1994 people 1 through 6, then the 1996 people 1-6, then kind of shuffle everybody in together.
I don't want to share the list we came up with, so as not to sway anybody's opinion. The question is open, then, to the group:
What would be the power rankings, #1 - 15, of who would kick whose ass in a bar fight?
(Afterthought: Is it a definitive list of 1 through 15? In other words, could person 3 beat person 4, and person 4 beat person 5, but through some mental or physical edge, person 5 could take number 3?)
6 comments:
Aren't you somewhat obligated to post yours first? This is something designed to spark controversy and debate, which may be why everyone's holding back. However, if you were to get the ball rolling...
Here's mine.
1) LJT
2) Beer-on-the-Girl
3) Chris H.
4) Walt Clyde
5) Open Bar
6) Diesal
7) Win-it
8) Daffy
9) Chuck Jerry
10) MMG
11) Side Bar
12) Jay K.
13) Joey did it
14) Gold
15) Andy B.
Beer-on-the-Girl
MMG at # 11 will certainly cause consternation from here to Park Slope. I ranked them all 1-15, and then did an NCAA style bracket (what can I say, I had the time). I have a final four comprised of beer-on-the-girl, LJT, Diesel, and Walt Clyde (sans balky knee), with beer-on-the-girl coming out on top in a tough final against Diesel (who upset LJT in the semis).
And for the record, I was 10th, not 11th, in my rankings.
First of all, Beer on the Girl, (who should just be called "A Girl" no, make that "A Bitch" for using an internet handle unnecessarily!) 14th? Are you fucking kidding me?
Second of all, SideBar, there is no "sans balky knee." It says so right in the original post "current physical shape and mentality are to be considered"
So with that, here's my list...I'd kill (almost all you motherfuckers! I'm fucking crazy, don't fuck with me!)
1) Chris H. (He's Black. I just assume he can fight.)
2) Beer-on-the-Girl (I was gonna make you #1 but then you fucking put me at 14th, just above Andy B. So fuck off!)
3) LJT (Maybe he was #1 during/immediately after college, but not now. I put some drinks out there and a few "don't do its" and he'll just go about repeating himself all night, while moving his fingers in that weird, autistic-like way he does. Still, he'd get a few good shots in before repeating himself.)
4) Open Bar (High tolerance, surprisingly scrappy in a bar fight, I'd presume.)
5) Gold (I'm like the guy in The Harder They Come....DON'T FUCK WITH ME!)
6) MMG (Married people all go soft.)
7) Diesel (He might be strong but he'd spend the time cracking your toes and then want to talk about how you feel about the fighting.)
8) WinIt (One lump and you'd be down for the count!)
9) Andy B. (WhooShoot!)
10) JoeyDidIt (You'd get too anxious and then just bounce.)
11) SideBar (The surname defense will get you nowhere in this fight!)
12) Jay K. (You got fat.)
13) Daffy (You got fatter.)
14) ChuckJerry (He'd just run away.)
15) Walt Clyde Frazier (I'd kick you in the knee, then the other knee. Done!)
1) Chris H. - after a lot of thought, i think he'd have to be #1. He's the only one of us who is in shape.
2) LJT
3) Beer on the Girl
4) Open Bar
5) Win-it - crazy eyes (unless at lumping level of drunkenness)
6) Daffy - this is a tough one. 10 years ago he'd be #1 easy.
7) Diesal
8) MMG - 5'10" and diesel
9) ChuckJerry - Very close 8-9 matchup in my opinion.
10) Side Bar
11) Jay K.
12) Goldfarth - Napoleon complex aside
13) SMFIFSA - foul foul foul
14) Andy B. aka Barney
15) Walt Clyde - clearly this is because of the knee. A year ago I'd say #4. After a complete rehab cycle I'd say #5 with everyone beneath shifting down one.
I don't envision any specific matchups that would let a lower seeded gie come out on top of a higher seeded gie.
only one's with a chance against my old ass are ljt and beer-on-the girl---and diesel would put gold in the dumpster
popsrick
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