The Pick Up Artist

The purpose of this post is not about that horrible show on TV with the same name as this post nor does the title refer to me. The purpose of this post is to talk about what men should do to successfully pick up women at bars. I want to put a disclaimer on this post, that I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a master in the category of picking up women, nor do I pick up women anymore as I am very happy in a committed monogamous relationship. That being said, I want to delve a little into this topic that I have given much thought to, both in my single days attempting to pick up women in bars, as well as observing men attempting to pick up women in bars. This post refers to men in their 20’s and 30’s trying to pick up women at bars in the same age bracket. Overall, I think there are certain prescribed things that men should do in order to successfully pick up women at bars.

The first major thing that men need to do to increase their chances of picking up women at bars is to go out with the correct number of people. Some claim going it alone is appealing, but if you have tried to pick up a woman alone at a bar, then you know the difficulty in this. Women tend to go out in small groups, so if you do try to pick a woman alone, and start to have some success with a woman at a bar, a common question is, “who are you here with?” If you say alone, I think you look like a weirdo who might attempt to kill the woman who you are talking to. So, it’s hard going it alone, but there comes a point, if you have too many people, it can just be flat out intimidating. Since women tend to go in groups of 3-4 people, I think men should mirror approximately this number and go out with that many.

This leads right into my next point. You need to be real careful in who you pick to go out with to pick up women. Keep in mind, the people you pick for this activity might not be your close friends either. Generally, anybody who is too aggressive or too passive should not go with you for such an endeavor. Pick friends who are willing to make a fool of themselves, but also somewhat attractive. Also, and this is a sidebar, but I think if you are going to a place with primarily white women, it’s good to have one or two black or hispanic friends with you. It helps the white man in that you seem like you’re a down person, and helps your black or spanish friend, in that the white person represents something familiar/safe to the girl (if she is white girl). As Moon pointed out to me, “It’s a perfect symbiotic relationship.” The white man is the familiar and safe, the black or spanish man is something exotic and exciting.

Next, comes defining the roles of your group. There are three basic roles: the “opener,” “middle man” and “closer.” Each role requires a specific skill set. Now, any single person can have more than one role, but you need to make sure that someone in the group can cover each of these areas. I’ll take these roles one at a time.

The “opener” is as the name implies. He is going to make introductions and start the conversation and contact. This person needs to be able to intrigue yet not intimidate a group a women. I admire this skill, as I am terrible at this. My brother Walt, or Diesel are perfect openers. There is something non-threatening about them, yet makes a woman just want to talk or get to know the group of guys. By the way, all my attempts at opening have been a complete and utter failure as I never know what to say.

Then, you have your “middle man.” This guy will pick up right where the “opener” leaves off. This person is usually the character in the group. He is able to tell stories and jokes seemingly at will and really gets the new group of guys and girls interacting, like an MMG type. He suggests rounds of drinks and makes everyone feel at ease, and ensures that everyone is having a good time. If there are any lulls in conversation, the “middle man” needs to pick up the group by saying something funny or witty. This person needs to be comfortable in the spotlight.

Last, but not least, you have the “closer.” The “closer” needs to start assessing the situation for a possible “closure” when the “middle man” is doing his thing. His main job is to work on the ever important “transition plan.” He needs to make some sort of smooth transition from the bar to future plans, whether the plans are later that evening or at some point in the future. The “closer” has to be a good observer and should also cut off the “middle man” if things don’t seem to be going well. The “closer” can’t say something like “let’s all leave the bar and hook up at my house.” The “closer” will suggest activates like “after this let’s grab a bite to eat.” The “closer” will find out information like “what’s going on tomorrow” with any set of girls in a subtle way, where the women don’t even realize they are being assessed.

An important note is once you see things are not going well, at any point, retreat! I mean throw up the white flag and get out of there. There is a common rookie mistake, to think that a girl who has no interest in you will eventually be charmed by something you do or say and then fall for you. It never works! They know, just like you, if they are interested or not from the first 20 seconds. So, if you hear something or the body language is off, move on to another group of women.

Although these are three separate roles, one person can take on more than one role, and also, one person can double up on a role, but you need to ensure that all the bases are covered.

I would be remiss to have a post on picking up women at bars with your friends and not bring up the importance of being a team player. Some refer to this as being the “wingman,” a role in which every guy should be willing to fill. A “wingman” as most people know will keep the additional friends of the targeted girl in a group occupied so the interested party can maneuver on the targeted girl. A good “wingman” must be willing to dance and converse with any girl, despite their own level of interest. Being the “wingman” often means sacrificing for the good on the group, and everyone must be willing to play this role sometimes or else you’re a douche.

The last thing I think that needs to be mentioned is often, you have to engage in behaviors that are simply not fun in the attempt of picking up women. Primarily this includes going to places with loud, stupid music. Or, dancing like a goofball to such stated music. Also, laughing when a woman makes a joke you don’t think is funny falls into this category. This all feels stupid while doing off but the trade off is well worth it.

All of this advice will greatly increase your chances of picking up a woman at a bar. Like I said, I’m not an expert in this at all, but having had some success in picking up women and observing these behaviors for a long time allows me to offer a little advice.