My New Neighbor

I was walking down the street this past Sunday, observing that my fairly new white shoes were scuffed. I was looking at how deep the scuff marks were. Incidentally, I was on my way food shopping and was walking with my food cart. I was just a few blocks from home when I felt a presence standing next me. It felt too small to be a tree but too large to be an ordinary person. I stopped walking and looked to my left. I was staring right into someone’s chest. Now, I’m approximately 6’feet tall, so for this person to be a least a foot taller and much wider than me says something. As my eyes made my way up his body to his face I stopped cold. I looked at his face and realized who it was … Shaq!

That’s right Shaquille O’Neal, who joined the Celtics this season, was standing on the street corner, literally a foot away. There was no crowd, just me, Shaq and a guy moving boxes out of a nice SUV. I didn’t really know what to say, so, I just stared at him. I was a bit star struck. It was a little uncomfortable, but I’m sure something Shaq is used to people staring at him. He looked down at me and I looked up at him. There was a very long pause. Shaq then commanded me, “Don’t tell anyone where I live or I’ll kill you.” He pointed his long finger at me. Shaq then gave that goofy Shaq smile. I then explained to Shaq that I was Knicks fan who would be rooting for Celtics this year. I inquired if he the Celtics would beat the Lakers, as I was not a fan of the Lakers. Shaq assured me that the Celtics would win, “Oh yeah, you can bet on it” he stated flatly.

I then stood there while Shaq joked with the guy who was moving stuff into his place from the SUV. I didn’t know what to say so I just stared. There really was not much else to say. As I started to walk away I quickly grabbed my phone and snapped a few pictures (see above).

I wish there was more to the story, like Shaq and I played one-on-one a la the Dave Chappelle Prince Story. Or, Shaq invited me in for a beer and I hung with Garnett, Rondo, Allen, and Pierce. Or, Shaq inquired what type of defense I think the Celtics should use against the Heat. But, that was it. Just a Shaq sighting and a few quick words. I called a few friends to relay the story and continued on with my day.

The Decision

Ok, I’m giving everybody reading this post inside information. I’ll call the few people who read this blog my inside sources. So you, as my inside sources, can now leak this information to the public. After long consideration and deliberation I’ve come to a decision. It’s been a very difficult time, for me and my family, but I’ve made a decision. I don’t make this decision lightly…I’ve decided to take my talent as a fan to the Boston Celtics!

I know everyone is shocked but I feel this is the right decision for me. A lot of people call my brother Walt a sports sell out, since his move to Philly and decision to become a Philly sports fan. A lot of people have given him shit about selling on the Knicks (Ok, most of the shit comes from me), but I never understood why he sold out, until now. My eyes are open now. As Samuel Jackson said in Pulp Fiction “I’ve had what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity.”

I realize now, that I was suffering from Battered Woman Syndrome. The Knicks have abused me for 10 years, but I’ve reached my tipping out. Most people I know including: LJT, Open Bar, Side Bar’s Brother, my brother Walt, and just about the rest of the breathing sports world had abandoned the Knicks at some point in the past 10 years. Like a child waiting for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, I waited patiently. But, Santa never came. I watched for the past 10 years the Knicks made one horrendous move after another. There was a point where I wanted George Bush to become to the GM for the Knicks, because, even he couldn’t make such bad decisions. I sat through: Marbury, Steve Francis, Glenn Rice, Jerome James, and Eddy Curry. I watched the Knicks trade away picks for nothing, and sexually harass interns along the way. I stood by them. I would come home from work put on a game, and have the Knicks kick my in the balls…for 10 years! The Knicks were my “Buttercup Baby.” They would “Build me up, just to let me down.” But, no more! As Chris Rock said… “I’m giving in my glove.”

I have to root for Boston! Not only do I live here, but they have likeable guys in: Rondo, Pierce, Allen, and Garnett. They have a likeable coach in Doc Rivers and a loyal fan base. They also have a great history. Most importantly, they might be the only team who can take on Miami in the east. So, I’m dumping the Knicks, after years of loyalty, and joining the Celtics. The Celtics are my new boyfriend. They work hard, make good decisions, and are reliable, you know, all the things the Knicks are not. I’m leaving my abuser today. But like every battered woman, I’m allowing myself a chance to jump back on the bandwagon if the Knicks pull off a miracle real soon and get someone like Carmelo Anthony. Short of that, I’m out like Tina on Ike Turner.

I think the final nail in the coffin for me was the Knicks signing and trading away David Lee. David, has been my safe place from my abuser. Like an abused child hiding under the bed. He has been the one bright spot the past few years. But like usual, the Knicks kick me in the balls! I don’t blame them for Lebron not picking them. What I do blame them for is that they traded away Lee, their only all star, for some guys named Anothony Randolph and Ronny Turiaf, or as my dad called them “who” and “double who.” Either let him go or get a real player in return like Tony Parker.

So, I depart the Knicks with three words… Let’s Go Celtics!!!!