Those who know me know that when I drink, I primarily drink Jack Daniels on the rocks. I believe this is a manly drink, primarily because I have never heard of a woman who drinks JD on the rocks. I have heard the legends of Janis Joplin and other women who would drink JD straight up, but most people admit, a woman drinking straight whiskey is a statistical anomaly, an outlier. So, all this got me thinking, what constitutes a manly drink as opposed to a girly drink?
I don’t know what distinguishes manly drinks from girly drinks entirely, but some drinks are just outright girly, no matter how you slice it! I think Cosmopolitans come to mind as the epitome of a girly drink. I don’t know all the characteristics of what makes a drink a girly drink and what makes other drinks manly, but I have some ideas. I think part of what makes a drink manly or girly is, how smooth the drink is. If a drink tastes like juice, fruit, or soda and there is no harshness (you can’t taste the alcohol), it’s generally considered girly. On the other hand, if a drink is harsh going down, it is commonly viewed as a manly drink. So, maybe harshness directly correlates to manliness. There must be other characteristics as well but I think there is some subjectivity to the rating of manly drinks.
I believe there are some drinks that are bi. The first examples that come to mind are Sangria and Margaritas, which, can be drunken by a man under the right circumstance (i.e. drinking a frozen margarita on the beach on vacation to me is somewhat exceptable). These drinks are fairly smooth and are not manly by any stretch. However, if a guy was to order a glass of Sangria at a Tapas bar I might not think him too girly. However, in my minds’ hierarchy he is less manly than me while drinking my JD on the rocks. And, if I was to overhear a guy ordering a Mai-Tai or Cosmo at a bar or anywhere (in the world for that matter), under any circumstance, he should literally takes his pants off, hand his pants and payment for the drink to the bartender, in turn, the bartender should hand the man his Cosmo and a skirt to wear for the entire evening. Then, Marlon Brando should appear and shake that man and yell “You can act like a man!” After that, Marlon Brando should smack the man in the face!
For all the devoted Hobo Con Queso readers (all eight of you) I need some assistance in ranking the below list of drinks in determining how girly, on a scale from 1-Being the Most Manly and 10-Being you are a girl if drink this, on the list below.
1. White Russian
2. Rum and Coke
3. Gin and Tonic
4. Jager shots
5. Mai Tai
6. Martini
7. Mike’s Hard Lemonade.
8. Sangria
9. Margarita (Frozen)
10. Mad Dog 20/20
11. Margarita on the rocks
12. Strawberry Daiquiri
13. Vodka and Cranberry
14. Purple Motherfucker shots (or anything else winit made us do shots of.)
15. Boones
Also- Help me with using the same scale to rank these beers.
1. Heineken
2. Corona
3. Sam Adams
4. Guinness
5. Coors
6. Coors Light
7. Pabst Blue Ribbon
8. Bud
9. Bud Light
10. Miller
11. Miller Lite
12. Magic Hat
13. Anchor Steam
14. Killians
I don’t know what distinguishes manly drinks from girly drinks entirely, but some drinks are just outright girly, no matter how you slice it! I think Cosmopolitans come to mind as the epitome of a girly drink. I don’t know all the characteristics of what makes a drink a girly drink and what makes other drinks manly, but I have some ideas. I think part of what makes a drink manly or girly is, how smooth the drink is. If a drink tastes like juice, fruit, or soda and there is no harshness (you can’t taste the alcohol), it’s generally considered girly. On the other hand, if a drink is harsh going down, it is commonly viewed as a manly drink. So, maybe harshness directly correlates to manliness. There must be other characteristics as well but I think there is some subjectivity to the rating of manly drinks.
I believe there are some drinks that are bi. The first examples that come to mind are Sangria and Margaritas, which, can be drunken by a man under the right circumstance (i.e. drinking a frozen margarita on the beach on vacation to me is somewhat exceptable). These drinks are fairly smooth and are not manly by any stretch. However, if a guy was to order a glass of Sangria at a Tapas bar I might not think him too girly. However, in my minds’ hierarchy he is less manly than me while drinking my JD on the rocks. And, if I was to overhear a guy ordering a Mai-Tai or Cosmo at a bar or anywhere (in the world for that matter), under any circumstance, he should literally takes his pants off, hand his pants and payment for the drink to the bartender, in turn, the bartender should hand the man his Cosmo and a skirt to wear for the entire evening. Then, Marlon Brando should appear and shake that man and yell “You can act like a man!” After that, Marlon Brando should smack the man in the face!
For all the devoted Hobo Con Queso readers (all eight of you) I need some assistance in ranking the below list of drinks in determining how girly, on a scale from 1-Being the Most Manly and 10-Being you are a girl if drink this, on the list below.
1. White Russian
2. Rum and Coke
3. Gin and Tonic
4. Jager shots
5. Mai Tai
6. Martini
7. Mike’s Hard Lemonade.
8. Sangria
9. Margarita (Frozen)
10. Mad Dog 20/20
11. Margarita on the rocks
12. Strawberry Daiquiri
13. Vodka and Cranberry
14. Purple Motherfucker shots (or anything else winit made us do shots of.)
15. Boones
Also- Help me with using the same scale to rank these beers.
1. Heineken
2. Corona
3. Sam Adams
4. Guinness
5. Coors
6. Coors Light
7. Pabst Blue Ribbon
8. Bud
9. Bud Light
10. Miller
11. Miller Lite
12. Magic Hat
13. Anchor Steam
14. Killians
3 comments:
1. Martini
2. White Russian
3. Gin and Tonic
4. Rum and Coke
5. Margarita on the rocks
6. Sangria
7. Jager shots
8. Margarita (Frozen)
9. Mai Tai
10. Vodka and Cranberry
11. Strawberry Daiquiri
12. Purple Motherfucker shots (or anything else winit made us do shots of.)
13. Mike’s Hard Lemonade.
14. Mad Dog 20/20
15. Boones
Martini at #1 is the easiest call here. It may be more of an old man's drink, but it's straight alcohol, generally not even cut with ice. It really doesn't belong on any list of unmanly anything. A martini is a tall, strong dose of liquor, and that shit will fuck you up.
I would agree that there are certain perfectly acceptable times to drink sangria, even moreso margaritas -- but rocks come way before frozen. Hell, anything frozen immediately loses testicular standing. I would also put mai tais in the occasionally acceptable group, much like the one you described for margaritas. If you're in Jamaica, feel free to order one from the tiki bar. (But absolutely no cosmos. Anywhere. Ever.)
While we've all endured our share of Mad Dog and Boone's, those drinks are for kids, and if you've got a decent amount of hair on your chest, I can't think of any realistic circumstance to be seen drinking one.
There's a certain degree of arbitrariness here, to be sure (e.g., I really have no rationale for putting Mad Dog above Boones, except maybe the name), and I would say the largest gap between entries would be between sangria and jager. But as I can't stand most of those drinks and I never order them, it's hard for me to describe their subtleties, much less differentiate between them with a large degree of accuracy. Perhaps one of the more effeminate contributors could be of some help.
Walt?
Marlon Brando never drank Boones...maybe had all the rest
1. White Russian - 5 completely neutral
2. Rum and Coke - 4, on the manly side of neutral because I don't know any girls who drink this, but right on the edge.
3. Gin and Tonic - 2
4. Jager shots - please, move to Long Island
5. Mai Tai - 7
6. Martini - 5 James Bond can't be wrong.
7. Mike’s Hard Lemonade - 8, but it is pretty good, especially the raspberry
8. Sangria - 6 You can't order a glass, though. You have to order a pitcher for the table.
9. Margarita (Frozen) - 6
10. Mad Dog 20/20 - I don't know
11. Margarita on the rocks - 8
12. Strawberry Daiquiri - 8 unless you're on vacation somewhere tropical
13. Vodka and Cranberry - 9
14. Purple Motherfucker shots (or anything else winit made us do shots of.) - 9 (coincidentally the number of shots I did)
15. Boones - 9, unless you're 17 years old.
I can't help you on the beers
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