Hobo Con Queso

Ghosts of Teachers Past

2011-12-17T09:39:00.000-05:00

I haven't shaved in weeks and have grown a full beard. This beard has some gray hairs scattered throughout. I'm only 35!

ANYWAY... as we all get older, memories of the past, unfortunately, start to fade - at least from conscious thought. Maybe all of those memories still are in our brains somewhere - like a vast file cabinet whose older papers just continue to get shoved backwards and are sitting there somewhere wrinkled and pressed together, but with the right stimulus, could be retrieved and revisited.

I was sitting here wondering if I remember not only who all of my high school teachers were, but even the classes I took each year in high school. I didn't think about this post ahead of time - I am going to try to type this and remember this information while I do it. I better start from 12th grade and work backwards. Some of this is probably inaccurate.

12th grade:
- SSMCIS (Math) - Dr. Decovsky
- AP Computer Science - Mr. Hanna
- AP English - Mrs. Twombly
- Science - AP Chemistry - Mr. Hali
- Study Hall
- Gym (I remember having Mr. Gardner, Mr. Cardell, and...? Don't remember which year was which. And I only remember Mr. Cardell because he did one-handed pushups once which I found impressive for an older guy.)
- Lunch
- No History or Foreign Language
(There is an open slot, I believe...?)

11th grade:
- SSMCIS (Math) - Mrs. Townsend?
- Computer Science - Mrs. Isaacs (I used to drive her insane)
- Science - Honors Physics - Dr. Arzt (I used to drive him insane also)
- Spanish - Ms. Torres (where I first met the Daffinator, who used to bring crosswords to class and demonstratively do them)
- Lunch
- Gym (see above note about teachers)
- English - Mr. Shanken? (this guy went to the same health club as me my senior year - Bally's in Fort Lee. One time I ran into him in the locker room and he was naked. Talk about awkward.)
- History - Mr. Burroughs. (He was a newer teacher.)

10th grade:
- SSMCIS (Math) - Mr. Elliot
- German - Ms. Mayers
- Spanish - Mrs. Taltavull?
- Science - Chemistry - Mr. Czeterko (future Superintendent of Teaneck schools)
- English - A woman named Mrs. Sumner who was older and apparently tripped over her cat and fell down a flight of stairs, causing her to miss a huge chunk of the year
- History - ?
- Gym
- Lunch
- Theater - Mrs. Johnson

9th grade:
- SSMCIS (Math) - Mrs. Delaplain
- German - Mrs. Mayers
- Science - Biology - Mrs. Jones, a red-haired woman?
- Gym
- Lunch
- History - ?
- English - ?
- Theater - Mrs. Walker

Some notes:

- I'd love to get a high school transcript to not only see my grades, but all my teachers to see how well I did on this list. Additionally, I'd love to see my disciplinary file, which was not replete with infractions but did have a couple of major incidents.

- The difference between honors and non-honors courses is striking. I remember being a kid and seeing a noticeable difference in accomplishments, classmates, classroom environment, etc... between my honors/AP subjects (Math, English, Science, Computer Science) and non-honors (foreign languages, social studies). Having taught everything in my 12 years of teaching from general levels (many, many times) to AP Calculus, I see the same differences now, and there doesn't seem to be much a teacher can do about it.

- Did we only have 8 time slots during the day? I thought we had 9. I believe it was 9.

- At age 25, I probably would have been able to recall this all accurately, fully, and with more detail.

- I think Teaneck's teaching staff was older than other towns - Teaneck was probably an attractive district to teach in the early 90s and teachers probably stayed there for a while. I don't remember too many teachers in their 20s, whereas a couple of the districts I've taught in have plenty of younger teachers.

- Interesting to think of these people as human beings, as well as teachers, now that I am one.

- I am interested to share more anecdotes and hear what other people remember about their high school setup. However, since I'm not sure if anybody reads this blog anymore, I won't go into more detail until somebody responds.

Where did the time go?

2011-10-31T12:48:00.002-04:00

It was only a matter of time.

I had *the talk* with Nicholas this past weekend.

I think it went pretty well. I didn't stutter or stammer at all (as I feared I would).

2 more years, then Thomas.

Wow!

2011-08-03T08:50:00.002-04:00

I’m usually behind the curve when it comes to new technologies. However, once I come around, I can’t believe that I went so long without it. Here are some over the past few years that I should have been doing from the onset:

1. Online banking. What was I thinking writing checks and keeping track of my balance on paper for so long? I was basically sticking to using an abacus, when a calculator was free and readily available. It’s free, easy to use, and you handle all your bills within seconds, as well as know how much is in your account.
2. GPS. For years I drove around with MapQuest pages, checking the odometer if I went “ .whatever” miles. The GPS is so great; I never even try to figure out where I am or where I need to get to …just listen to the machine.
3. Online food delivery. No more grocery store for only a few bucks, you say. Sold!
4. Smart Phones. I got my first one in 2008 and once you go Smart, you don’t go back. E-mail, Internet, Camera, Recorder, etc... All at your fingertips.
4A. TXT Messaging. How did anybody ever live without this?
5. Social Networking. I passed on Friendster and MySpace, but I compulsively check my news feed on Facebook. Its fun, easy and a great way to keep up with old friends, and link with new ones.
6. Netflix. To think, I used to have to drive to the blockbuster and put up with their late fees and bullshit! I don’t miss those guys at all.

Classic Posts - Family Feud

2011-07-17T16:40:00.000-04:00

An old post about Family Feud from my old blog follows. BOTG talked about how ridiculous it was that the "triple" round basically decides the game, and renders the first two or three rounds as useless. Anyway, apparently it is still on TV. My thoughts from years ago follow.

The last time I've seen the show, I believe J. Peterman from Seinfeld was the host.

Why did I watch this show often as a kid, even though the structure of the show was ridiculous? Allow me to explain. 

The overall premise wasn't too bad. Each family would have to guess what responses "100 random people" gave to random questions, usually about ordinary aspects of life. Whichever family performed better did the same in a final round with a chance to win money. Family Feud certainly is part of our cultural lexicon and has been a successful show for a long time.  However, here are the three things that have started to bother me over time, in increasing order of annoyingness:

  1) Why do they ask if a family wants to "Play" or "Pass" when they win the toss-up question? Theoretically, you'd see why a family would want to pass, I suppose... but, I'm sure in my lifetime I've watched this show at least 100 times and I've seen a family elect to pass maybe twice. It seems analogous to winning a coin flip in overtime in a sudden-death football game, and electing to "kick" rather than "receive". The best case scenario is that the other team fumbles or has to kick back, resulting in your possession... why not just receive in the first place?  

2) It's annoying that sometimes a family gives what seem like "better" answers and they can't win a board because they miss one answer that is ridiculous that nobody would ever guess. I think the show's writers shouldn't use results to surveys if they are counterintuitive.  

3) (This is what prompted me to write this post): The scoring structure is dumb. The family that gets to 300 points first wins. The first two rounds are usually worth close to 100 each, as the "top x answers are on the board" - and since 100 people were surveyed, the maximum amount of points each round is worth is usually somewhere between 80 and 100.   Round 3 is worth 200 points, since scoring values are doubled. So, from time to time, a family will not only sweep each of the first three rounds, but also do so by sweeping the answers, and win after three rounds. However, this is not common. What usually happens is the game goes to a fourth round, where point values are tripled. So, often, the team that wins the triple round winds up winning the entire game, hence making the entire game up until this point almost insiginifcant. It would be kind of like a basketball game entering the 4th quarter and the referee going "Ok, since nobody is up by 30 points yet, let's have every basket for the last quarter count for 8 points each." 

"Cold" does not equal "cool"

2011-07-10T19:10:00.002-04:00

We all know it's "cool" to be "cool." But it is definitely not "cool" to be "cold." At least, not according the the pre-teen population here in Highland Mills, NY. As the splashing and bickering began to escalate in the pool today between my 8 year old, Thomas, and 10 year old, Nicholas, the following conversation was overheard:

T: (to Nick) "You're colder than me!"
N: "No. You're colder than me!"
T: "Oh yeah? You're always 3 times colder than me!"
N: "Well, you're 5 times colder than me!"
T: "Well, you're pi times colder than me!"
N: "You're infinity times colder than me!. Hah!"
T: "Pi is better because it never ends."
N: "Oh yeah? So is infinity! It never ends also!"

Squirrels

2011-07-08T09:36:00.001-04:00

Squirrels, in my opinion, are in the same category of pest as the cockroach, the pigeon in NYC, and rats/mice. They are the rats of the tree world.

If you've ever lived in the suburbs, which almost 100% of us have, you've seen this crafty tough animal scamper around the trees in your yard. And if you've ever had a bird feeder, you know that these squirrels can perform almost impossible, remarkable physical feats to get at the feeders and eat the seed intended for birds.

Objectively, squirrels should be cute and harmless. However, I find them creepy, invasive and annoying. Mrs. Frazier has hung various feeders and the like around our yards in our various apartments, and now in our house. And, despite her best efforts, squirrels are almost impossible to keep away. Many people you'll talk to have "war stories" about keeping squirrels away from places in their yards.

Watch the following video as an illustration of their prowess as a squirrel runs an obstacle course. Amazing.

There are also many videos on YouTube of squirrels getting into bird feeders, such as the following, which for some reason creeps me out. It's like finding a rat in your kitchen pantry.

NBA Lockout

2011-07-06T16:18:00.001-04:00

The more I think about the NBA lockout, the more I laugh and then almost cry (not literally, but I’ll be pissed if we miss any of this season). I was reading a couple of different sites, and the request from the owners seems to stem out of their bad decisions. Now, the owners want reform! But, they want to reform themselves. It also appears like the owners are outright bullshitting. So, in order for an NBA season, we have to hope the owners save themselves from … themselves.

From what I read a major problem with the current collective bargaining agreements is bad contracts. The Eddy Curry (or Sandman) example is constantly referenced and for good reason. Eddy had made 31 million over the course of the past three seasons and apparently, only played in 10 games. Also in those ten games, he wasn’t effective. The reasons behind Eddy’s failure to produce are due in part to his physical conditioning. Clearly this was a bad contract. The argument is put forth by the owners that contracts like Eddy’s, or Gilbert Arenas, is that they are stuck paying millions for long term deals for players who do not produce. Now, the funny thing about this “complaint” is that it is the owners who create the contracts they are complaining about! Nobody held a gun to James Dolan’s head and told him to give an overweight, unproven center millions. If Dolan overpaid, let him live with the consequences of being a bad owner and manager. On the other hand, Buss is not complaining about having to pay Kobe millions because he got the return on his investment. It’s called a business and there are no guarantees. If you want to help increase the probability that you make a profit, don’t make bad decisions!

Now, to the underlying issue… the owners are saying that only a few teams are profitable. I call bull shit! Granted I haven’t seen the books, but I’m inclined to believe the players that some of owners are hiding some of their revenue and inflating some of the costs. NBA games sell out on a regular basis, even in small markets, not to mention merchandise, and what TV and Cable Stations pay the NBA to broadcast the games. How many billion is collected in revenue from that? Also, I find it hard to believe that teams have been not making a profit for years. If they weren’t making a profit, did they run the teams out of charity? To entertain us? Bull! To steal a line from Uncle Junior from the Soprano’s this is clearly the case of a woman begging for food while holding a Virginia ham under her arm.

The owners need to be willing to budge, because, unfortunately, I like watching basketball, and they are clearly bullshitting. If the players make some concessions with their salaries, I guess the owners should have to learn to be better decision makers if they want to make a profit.

The King of Comedies

2011-07-02T15:04:00.001-04:00

Mrs. Frazier and I were re-watching Talladega Nights the other night ("Why, if it isn't our mangy, transient grandfather"). By the way, I know my brother Beer-on-the-Girl is not a Will Ferrell fan. I do maintain that Talladega Nights is a consistently funny movie, even if its perhaps a bit over the top.

Anyway, afterwards I commented to Mrs. Frazier, "Wow, Will Ferrell's been in a handful of decent comedy movies. I wonder if there's anybody that's been in more than him." She responded, "Oh sure, there must have been. What about Eddie Murphy? How about Bill Murray?"

A good question... "Which actor has been in the most decent comedy movies?"

So we started naming famous actors that have been in a handful of comedy movies and going over their resumes. There is, of course, always some discussion about if particular movies qualify as "decent" or not.

Here are a handful of the first few famous comedy actors we thought of, and what may qualify as their "decent" comedy movies:

Will Ferrell: Austin Powers, Zoolander, Old School, Anchorman, Wedding Crashers, Talladega Nights

Bill Murray: Caddyshack, Stripes, Ghostbusters, Little Shop of Horrors, Scrooged, Groundhog Day

Steve Martin: Three Amigos, The Jerk, Little Shop of Horrors, Parenthood, My Blue Heaven, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Eddie Murphy: Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop, Golden Child, Coming to America, Boomerang, The (first) Nutty Professor

Certainly, one could add or subtract comedies from each person's resumes, depending on one's opinion of what a decent movie is or not.

But the point: Two things stood out...

1) All of them have been in plenty of shitburger movies. Check out any of their resumes on IMDB. You will see a handful of movies in each person's resume that will have you saying, "Wow, they must have cashed in when they did that movie."

2) Look at the number of movies in each person's resume. What do you notice? They all only have 6 "decent" comedy movies! Why is there not one comedic actor that has 10 good comedies or more? Maybe many of them seem to have lost their comedic touch after they've been around for a while and aged. Bill Murray started doing serious, artsy films. Eddie Murphy got stuck in the kids movie rut and seemed to forget how to be funny.

So who is the king of comedy movies? Who did we overlook? Who has been in the most decent movies? And, what are the best individual comedic movie performances of all time?

True Blood!

2011-06-30T14:57:00.000-04:00

True Blood is back for Season 4!!! My major concern regarding the show is this will be the season when it jumps the shark, but, once committed to a show, I stick with it despite how bad it gets, like I did for the Soprano’s despite the drop off in quality for the 5th season and huge decline in quality for the 6th. The worse show I ever stuck with was Beverly Hills, and that really jumped the shark, but I hung in there for 10 god damn seasons. However, after watching the first two episodes of True Blood I’m optimistic that the Season will remain high quality television.

Season 4 starts with Sookie going to fairy land, which turned out to be filled with goblins. When Sookie first goes to fairyland, she is supposed to eat some glowing fruit, which makes everything in the land seem great. Sookie realizes this is a trap. While in fairyland, Sookie runs into her grandfather who was unaware that he had been in the land for 20 years, and it “felt like only a few weeks.” This storyline was very 1980’s fairies and goblins, and reminded me of a bad take on Labyrinth, with David Bowie. Sookie quickly leaves fairyland and returns home to find she has been gone for a year, despite the fact that she feels like she has only been gone for about 15 minutes, but in fairyland, “time works differently.” This whole storyline sucked and was a huge “Ho yes!” I was concerned that we had just jumped the shark, but it got better.

Upon Sookie’s return we find out Jason has become a cop, sold Sookie’s house, and is helping the hillbilly Ringwood people. But, I’ll return to Jason in a minute. We find out that Bill is now Vampire king of Louisiana. We then find out in the second episode that Bill trapped previous Queen Sophie Ann, with the assistance of Nan Flanagan, the head of the Vampire something-or- another League. Bill lies to Nan and tells her there is nothing special about Sookie.

We find out at the end of Season 4 Episode 1, and the beginning of Episode 2 that Eric bought Sookie’s house. Eric informs Sookie that he could feed off her without her consent but wants her to give herself to him (Eric) and he will protect her, which she will need once other vampires find out she is a fairy. The sexual tension between Eric and Sookie grows and grows, but with no delivery.

Jason, upon trying to help the hillbillies, who are also were-panthers, is trapped by his former potential romance from Season 3 (Crystal) and her new boyfriend, Filton, the one who took her at the end of season 3. Jason is tied to a bed and is informed that he is going to need to mate with Crystal. This was a pretty funny scene, which is hard for me to say because the Jason sub-plots generally have been the worst part of the show, like when Jason became religious in season 2 (yawn) but I digress. So, Jason asks how Filton is okay with her (Crystal) having sex with him (Jason). Jason also wants to know why Filton is removing his pants when Crystal informs him that she wants to make a baby with him. Well, Jason is told that he is going to be converted to a were-panther to ensure “the blood line” and he is selected because Filton can’t make babies. The scene ends with Crystal and Filton turning into panthers and biting Jason.

In the most interesting story line, Lafayette has joined a witch coven, which he initially is skeptical of, but comes to give it try by being convinced by his boyfriend, Jesus. Bill summons Eric to investigate the coven as he learns that this coven is using some witchcraft that can control the dead. Eric busts into the coven, and Lafayette says “oh shit!” Eric tells the head of the witches that she needs to cease practicing witchcraft. Lafayette tells the head witch “do what he (Eric)says; he tends to get what he wants.” Lafayette knows this because he was held captive by Eric in Season 2 for selling vampire blood. Tara, back from New Orleans where she is now in a lesbian relationship and lying about her identity, attempts to stab Eric who grabs her. Lafayette regretfully stands up to Eric to save Tara. The witch is able to presumably cast a spell on Eric, and last we see of him, Eric is wandering shirtless unaware of his identify. Eric is discovered by Sookie who is looking for him to get her house back, which Eric has purchased, but Eric does not recognize her because of his witch induced trance, and wants to know “why she smells so good.”

Now, the boring subplots… Arlene is concerned her baby is evil. In another boring subplot, head sheriff Andy Bellflur is hooked on vampire blood (yawn.) Slightly less boring (and ever so slight) Sam is hanging out with a group of shifters and has a new love interest (Luna).

So, the stories are weaving together nicely, at least the vampires and the witches, and should provide for some good plot twists and drama. There have been some funny parts already. Also, True Blood has stepped up their nudity and sex as each episode has contained several graphic scenes so far. I’m already looking forward to Episode 3!

If I was James Dolan…

2011-06-22T09:17:00.002-04:00

I would be a douchebag (HY)! Now seriously, with draft day looming it’s time to start thinking about what the Knicks should do. The Knicks have one more year with D’Antoni. The Knicks are obviously locked into Melo and Amare who account for roughly 40 million under the cap. Unfortunately, they picked up the pricey extension for Chauncey to come back for about 15 million. Aside from these three, they don’t have any big contracts. As far as movable assets, Fields and Douglas cost practically nothing, and are both young decent players which make them attractive in a trade. Also, the Knicks have the 17th pick in the draft. Thus, the idea of a combination of Fields and/or Douglas with their draft pick is being floated in various scenarios.

Of course, the summertime for the NBA is time for the rumor mill to be in full effect. The rumors so far for possible Knicks moves have the possibility of trading one their assets (Fields or Douglas) plus their pick for Minnesota’s point guard (PG) Johnny Flynn. Flynn was a top ten pick two seasons ago, but had a hip injury and a sophomore slump. This move doesn’t make sense to me (aside from the fact that we could have had a number of better PG’s in Jennings, Lawson, and Holiday and passed on all them for Jordan Hill, SMH!). I think Douglas is as good Flynn plus has more size and shooting range. Next, is the idea of trading one of their assets and pick to move up to land BYU’s Jimmer Freddete. Jimmer was the country’s college leading scorer. Concerns about Jimmer (as with every white guy) is his speed and defense. I think the knock on his speed is not well founded; however, his defense does remain a question mark. The big gamble with Jimmer is his ability to make the leap. The upside is his range and desire to be a Knick, which he has said would be his 1st choice (mom is it my choice). In other moves, the idea of trading Chauncey for Steve Nash has been floated. What the Knicks will probably do is draft the best player available with their pick, like a Chris Singleton guy, and stay put on all these moves and make a move next season.

What I would do if I were the Knicks GM is to go after the best big man available. Restricted and unrestricted big men include Tyson Chandler and Marc Gasol. Rumors have the Bucks wanting to trade Bogut. I would also make the Chauncey for Nash trade if I could. I would stay away from Vince Carter and Bonzi Wells, both of whom are available and have been talked about in connection to the Knicks. I think we should go after any of these legit big men, hopefully Chandler, and with a good PG like Nash, plus Melo and Amare, the Knicks are in the mix in the east. I would also use the pick and one of my assets to move up for Jimmer. I believe he is worth the gamble.

Now, if the Knicks are unable to sign a big man or trade Billups I would stay put and look to get Deron Williams or Chris Paul at the end of the season. As an aside, I can’t see Deron signing an extension with the Nets but who knows. I think the Knicks are in decent position moving forward. My major concern is still Melo’s ability to become a leader and bring a championship back to the Garden. Also, after next season I would say goodbye to D’Antonti. Let’s go Knicks!!!

Prayer Answered

2011-06-14T05:33:00.002-04:00

Dear God,

Thank you.

Walt Clyde Frazier

A Prayer

2011-06-05T15:36:00.000-04:00

Dear God,

If you can hear me... let Dallas beat Miami in the NBA Finals.

Walt Clyde Frazier

My Fiancé

2011-05-25T08:53:00.001-04:00

I met her in 2007 when I was supervising at DYFS, in NJ. I always found her pleasant, caring, attractive, and fun to be around. She moved away, closer to her home, and we both went on with our lives. Then, two years ago we went out to dinner and everything changed!

When we went to dinner something happened. I found that I was interested in her, and she found that she was interested too. We clicked, and started to hang out every weekend. I drove down to the shore, or she would drive up to me.

She agreed to move to Boston with me. She decided to go to school, and I took a new job. Every day I spent with her the feelings grew and grew. I knew she was the one…

So, I bought a ring, and waited and waited. I knew I wanted to give to her when the time was right. I waited until a day before her 27th birthday. Then, I asked her to marry me. She said “of course.” I love you baby, more than anything!

Kobe's Attitude

2011-05-09T12:00:00.001-04:00

I was so glad to see the Lakers get swept by the Mavericks yesterday. It was even better to see the Lakers sit there in the press conference knowing that Phil is leaving and even better that this current era for the Lakers is coming to close. One of my many problems with the current era of the Lakers is Kobe. He is a smug, pompous, bitch! Now, the surprising thing about the Lakers losing was that my brother Walt was justifying Kobe being an asshole. My position (and also the correct position) is that there is no excuse for Kobe being an asshole!

To explain what I mean, YouTube search Kobe Bryant + press conference. Click on any single one and you will know right away what I’m referring to. I’ve waxed philosophically about the stupid questions and commentary in today’s sports culture, but Kobe responds to the stupid questions like a dick. For example, in 2010 after a Lakers loss to the Celtics a reporter asked in a press conference if Kobe felt confident about being down 3 games to 2, going into game 6. Kobe said “No, I’m not confident; I’m not a confident person.” Then, starred at the reporter, gave a sarcastic smile, and didn’t say anything else. Kobe, dick, the guy is just doing his job!

Walt asserts that somehow Kobe needs to be a dick because he is the best in the world and everyone is trying to knock him off the hill. Walt feels (I think) that Kobe needs to be on edge and brush off commentators and reporters to maintain his status, and at a minimum we should understand Kobe’s plight. My contention is that Kobe is blessed to be one of the most gifted athletes ever, and is in the unique position of being one of the best at his craft and gets more than enough compensation for the work he does. I’m not saying that he should be stating how grateful he is in every interview, but I would like someone to say to Kobe, “Lose the attitude, tough guy.”

Lucy, You Got Some Splainin to Do!

2011-05-05T12:26:00.002-04:00

Osama Bin Laden is dead, nothing that we will make run to the streets chanting “USA, USA”, but it is a huge event in history. Out of all the stories and questions being examined the one that fascinates me is, “What did Pakistan know?” In the movie Casino, Robert DeNiro says to an employee who he suspects to have scammed his own Casino out of money “Listen, if you didn't know you're bein' scammed, you're too fuckin' dumb to keep this job. If you did know, you were in on it. Either way, you're out. Get out! Go on. Let's go.” Pakistan, after accepting approximately 20 billion dollars in aid over the past decade, with over 10 billion towards the military, including money for intelligence, claims to have had no knowledge about Bin Laden’s whereabouts. Yet, Bin Laden was found, not in cave or under a rock, but in an affluent suburb, in a house six times the size of most surrounding houses, not far from their “west point” in a town comprised of many military retires. Well Pakistan, as Ricky Ricardo would say “you have some splainin’ to do.”

The more I read about Pakistan’s denial of Obama’s whereabouts, and, as of today, Pakistan’s objection to not having notification of the US invading Osama’s compound, it’s becoming pretty damn clear that, at the very least, something fishy is going on. Let’s try to examine this rationally. Bin Laden had a wall built around his compound, with barbed wire. Let’s pretend that Pakistan did not know who moved into the compound some six years ago. Did nobody in their intelligence community think to look at the person who purchased the biggest house in town, built a wall around it, and then asked for no internet/cable service, and denied garbage pickup? Was the prevailing thought that the new rich neighbor is just some eccentric dude?

And now, Pakistan is saying that they should have been consulted prior to us going in. Brother, please! Forgot about the consultation, I think we need to cut aid to them till we get to the bottom of this, and if gross negligence is found, we need to recoup some of those funds used for their so called “intelligence.”

Getting Off The Highway

2011-04-26T06:23:00.000-04:00

Recently I visited Boston to watch our beloved Knicks lose a heartbreaker Game 1 to the Celtics at the TD Garden. It was an awesome trip despite the loss.

Here's the gang getting warmed up for the game:

Moon, Eric, Jay, Walt Clyde, and Beer-on-the-Girl.

But before I digress and complain about the Knicks' lost opportunities, poor coaching, and the like, I wanted to discuss the following issue that arose on the trip.

On our way up, friend-of-the-blog Jay generously offered to drive him and myself from North Jersey to Boston. On our trip, there were a handful of times we had to exit a highway. Each time the exit ramp was filled with a line of cars waiting to leave the highway, Jay would pull the following move: not wanting to wait in this line, he would drive up as far as possible, passing the growing line of cars on his right. Then, at the last possible instant, he would abruptly cut back into the line of cars, "cutting" the line of cars.

Incredulous (and also wanting to bust his balls), I brought it up around the guys in Boston, who all admitted that they do the same thing! Moon even justified it by bringing up the fact that no traffic laws were technically being broken. My stance remained constant: I can't think of many things that are as blatantly rude as this - and maybe I would have done the same as a younger man, but now I can't imagine doing this with such a cavalier attitude and with no guilt.

Is this an egregious act of road rage carried out to the nth degree? Or just something that people do on the rough roads of the Northeast?

D’Antoni’s D’ohs

2011-04-21T15:43:00.004-04:00

I don’t hate Mike D’Antoni, he’s just not the guy who will lead you to the promise land. It is clear on championship teams that the coach is the alpha dog, like Phil Jackson or Doc Rivers, and on NY it’s clear that D’Antoni is not. D’Antoni creates a nice offensive system where the ball moves and everyone takes shots, but to win it all it’s going to take someone better. Here is a list of some of what I will call D’Antoni’s D’ohs since arriving in NY:

1. Mishandled the Marbury situation. It was clear that D’Antoni wanted no part of Marbury, and for good reason, and it became clear that management would not buy out his contract on principal (pretty dumb). But, after it became clear that Marbury wasn’t going anywhere, D’Antoni should have found a way to work him in as he was clearly their best player and the team sucked! Instead, Marbury sat on the bench like a cancer, as a constant reminder of Thomas and Dolan’s ineptitude and the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen in sports.
2. Got involved in the Melo deal. D’Antoni was very vocal along with Dolan that the Knicks “needed “to get Melo, thus overpaying for him and depleting much of their roster.
3. Could not find a role for Anthony Randolph. It didn’t surprise me that as soon as Randolph got traded he had a 31 and 10 night for the Wolves. Randolph was the perfect guy for the D’Anotni system. Randolph was big, young, and liked to run. How could D’Antoni not find a way to work an 18 year old rookie was tons of talent into the rotation when the Knicks were playing mediocre ball and struggling at times?
4. Of course, doesn’t encourage defense, at all, under any circumstance.
5. I’m going to combine two gripes I have about D’Antoni, and that is he doesn’t make mid-game adjustments, and doesn’t appear to give good direction. This happens all the time but I’ll use the most recent game against the Celtics (Game 2 of the playoffs) as an example. Rondo started the game with a flurry of layups, six of them to be exact within the first six minutes of the game. D’Anotni should have called for time after the third lay up (at the latest) and changed his strategy. Instead, all Knicks fans watched and yelled at the screen for someone to play defense(<-see point 4 above) And, onto point 2, to end game 2, with the Knicks down by 1 with 4.5 seconds to go, out of a timeout, nobody knew who they were guarding or they should foul. This error in judgment has to fall on the coach!

D’Antoni has done some good things, but I think it’s time to move on. Thanks Mike, for all your hard work, now here are your walking papers!

NBA Playoffs Predictions 2011

2011-04-14T10:25:00.001-04:00

1st Round East:

(1)Bulls over (8) Pacers- (Sweep)
(2)Heat over (7) Sixers- (Too young vs. too talented. Sweep!)
(6)Knicks over (3) Celtics (Yes I’m biased, but the Celtics are skidding and the Knicks are hot. In six)
(4)Orlando over (5) Atlanta (Howard’s too big. In five)

1st Round West:

(1)Spurs over (8) NO (In five)
(2)Lakers over (7) Memphis (Sweep)
(3)Mavs over (6) Portland (In six)
(4)OKC over (5) Denver (In seven. Too bad, cause I like Denver. Maybe b/c they have the Knicks whole team)

2nd Round East:

(4)Orlando over (1) Bulls (In six. Finally all the hype about the Bulls will be over!)
(2)Heat over (6)Knicks (Sweep. Hate to say it, but it’s true)

2nd Round West:

(4)OKC over (1) spurs (In six.)
(2)Lakers over (3)Mavs (In five.)

Conference Finals

East: Heat over Magic (In five)
West: Lakers over OKC (In five)

Finals: Lakers over Heat (In six. Hate to say it, and I hate both these teams, but Lakers!)

J.F.K = P.I.M.P

2011-04-07T14:52:00.001-04:00

John Fitzgerald Kennedy was an all time P.I.M.P! I was reading this old article in Time the other day about the woman JFK was rumored to be with. I don’t think I would be going out too far on a limb to say, assuming the rumors of woman are accurate, that JFK has the greatest all time resume for woman who he had slept with.

First, I do have to admit my bias for actresses of the 1950’s-1960’s. But, my bias aside let’s go over the highlights on his resume. First, Marilyn Monroe! Marilyn, talk about a home run. Allegedly, when JFK was bored, he passed Marilyn off to his brother, which is a very pimp game, plus he ran that game on Marilyn Monroe. Janet Leigh, who is my personal fav ever since watching Psycho at the age of 7. Jayne Mansfield, very good, very good (as Andy would say). Kim Novak, who I recently watched in Vertigo, whoa! Other names thrown out there in the JFK rumors are Angie Dickinson, Tempest Storm, and many others. Just think about that list for a second. Now, think for a moment that if the list is accurate, try to imagine the woman who were not famous, but were probably as physically attractive as the woman on this list who he was with. Rumors have him sleeping with a 1000 woman, plus recent people claim to have pics of him sun bathing with hot naked chicks all around him.

I think it’s also important to consider that Jackie was pretty hot. This is important, in that most presidents’ wives are not attractive. Think back over all the first ladies and I think you would hard pressed to find a woman as attractive as Jackie. I saw this special on the Kennedy’s on the History channel, and it was rumored that when one of his brothers got married, Jack leaned over to him right after his ceremony at the church and said “just cause’ you’re married doesn’t mean you can’t have other woman.” Very sleazy, but goes to validate the resume.

Today’s politicians and stars simply don’t have any list that cool. The most famous comparison is Bill Clinton. Monica Lewinski compared to Marilyn Monroe is laughable. Also, Elliot Spitzer and Ashley Dupre (client number 9), smh! Also, even other celebs who screw up their legacy with questionable woman, like Jesse James cheating on Sandra Bullock with Michelle “Bombshell” McGee. All of these people stepped down in the quality of woman who they were with when the stepped out of their marriage. But not, JFK!

I know there are Hollywood men with impressive resumes, like Ben Affleck, Leonardo Dicaprio, and Jake Gyllenhaal (who, btw, is amassing quite an impressive resume himself). But, when you look at their lists, it pales in comparison to JFK. Assuming this list is accurate, no one can come close to touching this, all the while running the country! The modern day equivalent would be Barack sleeping with Beyonce, Shakira, Scarlett Johansson, and Jennifer Lopez.

I don’t think we will ever find someone with the resume of JFK again, especially in the world of politics. Supposedly, the media back then, would not only not report John’s affairs, but went as far as to cover them up. If someone from the media got a picture of Barack with his hand on Beyonce’s ass it would be on every media outlet from now until you threw up looking at the image. Let’s step back and think about the fact that not only was JFK the president of the country, but the probably the president of high-class poon as well!

Netflix is great!

2011-03-27T09:49:00.003-04:00

More specifically, the online streaming through my PS3. This past Friday night, our family was trying to figure out what movie to watch so I decided to sign up for Netflix. I can't think of a better deal out there to watch movies, other than downloading (illegally) the movies. The first month is free, but even the $7.99/month fee after the first month is a tremendous deal. Renting two dvds from my local Blockbuster costs more than that. And especially with the Netflix app for the iphone, you can watch just about any movie you can think of any time, any place.

I was able to put that to use and finally watch The Big Lebowski. What an entertaining movie!

Next on my list of movies to watch late at night while I battle insomnia.....

Buyer’s Remorse

2011-03-22T12:10:00.001-04:00

I know this post might be presumptuous. It will be a long time for the jury to deliberate on this, and we still don’t have all the evidence. However, watching last nights Knicks meltdown against the Celtics, I had the feeling of a man who went to the car dealership, traded his dependable car for a flashy new one, with all the bells and whistles, to only have the car make a strange noise when taken out on the highway for the first time. I guess the lesson learned…caveat emptor!

What concerned me last night, was not the Knicks blowing a 10 point 4th quarter lead (although that was bad); it was Carmelo leaving the game with two minutes trailing by four with a tiny cut above his eye, and not returning. By contrast, Ray Allen suffered a far worse cut over his eye, and put a bandage the size of Shaq’s head on and continued playing. When Carmelo collided with Rondo with two minutes left in the game, he laid at center court a la Vince Carter. Then, he grimaced in pain, holding his eye, as if he lost a leg in a war. It was truly a bitch move!

This incident in last night’s game comes right off Melo’s latest comments which already had me questioning his leadership. Melo recently said after a loss to the Bucks “it might take (until) next season.” What kind of bull shit statement is that?! Melo’ your team is the middle of playoff teams in the East, focus on this year! Comments like this made me realize there might be a good reason why this guy was never the leader of the Nuggets despite being by far the most talent player.

Also, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that opponents scoring per game against the Knicks have skyrocketed post the Melo deal. During the Knicks latest losing stretch, opponents were scoring 117 points. Amare’s matador, Dabney-like defense was bad enough, but Melo makes Amare look like Charles Oakley.

Maybe the problem is just learning how to gel with each other, but my big concern is that Amare and Melo’ are too similar. By similar, I not only mean two guys who can score at will and play no defense, but also two guys who score in similar ways. I really hope they can co-exist and bring winning back to NY, but so far, it doesn’t look good. Several weeks ago, prior to the weekend of the Melo deal being finalized I was discussing the move with MMG, Moon, Walt, and Daffy. MMG’s assessment regarding Melo coming to the Knicks was, “Ghetto guys don’t win championships.” I hope he’s not right.

Jeopardy! Math

2011-03-16T19:52:00.000-04:00

Alex Trebek, the most pompous of all game-show hosts.

As a Jeopardy! fan, I enjoyed this article from 10+ years ago that presents some interesting scenarios about how one should bet in Final Jeopardy. I wonder if actual players on the show ever think that deeply and mathematically about their final bets. Not that the ideas in the article are super mathematically complicated, but still very interesting. Read on.

(And, the author of the article is named Matt Gaffney!)

Math for Jeopardy! Players
How contestants regularly blow their final bet.
By Matt Gaffney
Posted Thursday, July 20, 2000, at 3:00 AM ET

Why do so many Jeopardy! contestants blow it in the final round? Picture this scene, from the March 21, 2000 show: Going into "Final Jeopardy!" Andrew was in the lead with $8,000, Haley was in second with $5,700, and Dave was back in third with $2,700.

If you're Andrew in this situation, deciding on your bet is simple, assuming for argument's sake that the Final Jeopardy! category is neutral, i.e., one you know neither particularly well nor particularly poorly. Andrew's rational path is to wager the minimum he needs to put himself out of Haley's reach—that is, enough to give him twice her current score, plus $1. That's $3,401 in this case, which is precisely what Andrew wound up betting.

For Haley, betting is more complicated. Before I tell you how she should have bet, consider how she did bet. Like most contestants, she took a deep final-scene-of-Thelma-&-Louise breath, bet $5,600, got the final question wrong, and lost. Andrew got it right, won $11,401, and went back the next day. Dave, if anyone cares, bet the house, got Final Jeopardy! wrong, and wound up with nothing.

Here's what Haley should have bet: $299. Notice that the way she actually bet, the only way she could have won is if she'd gotten Final Jeopardy! right and Andrew had gotten it wrong. Obviously, if Andrew answers correctly, the game's over, no matter what Haley does.
By betting $299, Haley gives herself an extra chance. If Andrew gets it right, he still wins, as before. And, as before, if Haley gets it right and Andrew misses it, Haley wins. Here's the difference: If Haley bets $299 and they both miss Final Jeopardy! Haley wins. Her final total would be $5,401, while Andrew would be down at $4,599.

Why can't Haley bet more than $299? Because she has to guard against Dave, whose maximum score, if he bets everything and gets Final Jeopardy! right, would be $5,400. Note that, with correct wagering, Dave is a non-factor in this Final Jeopardy! equation. Even if he bet it all and got it right, he still wouldn't be able to overcome Haley, even if she answered incorrectly.
All this wouldn't have helped Haley in this case, since Andrew answered Final Jeopardy! correctly. But had he missed it, she would've won.

For the player in second place, this all boils down to betting an amount that still gives you the win if both you and the player in the lead miss Final Jeopardy! A wagering-savvy former Jeopardy! champ has labeled this "The Two-Thirds Rule," because the second-place player needs at least two-thirds of the leading player's score going into Final Jeopardy! to be able to pull this off. (Click here for more on the two-thirds rule.)

If the third player is close enough to worry about, as in the example above, you need to guard as much as possible against him. The following scenario from a recent show is a perfect illustration of this principle. Going into Final Jeopardy!, Melizza was in the lead with $7,500. Second was Miles with $7,300, and third was Judy with $5,800.

Again, the leader's bet is easy to calculate, and Melizza did in fact wager the correct amount: $7,101 (again, that gives Melizza twice Miles' score plus $1 if she gets it right). Miles should bet $4,301, while Judy should bet $2,800.

Why? To answer that, we'll only deal with scenarios in which Melizza gets it wrong — because if she bets correctly and gets the answer right, the game's over no matter what.
Miles' bet of $4,301 puts him out of Judy's striking range should he answer correctly, as he'd finish with $11,601, or two times Judy's score plus a dollar.

Judy's correct bet, $2,800, gives her that extra chance that Haley should have had in the first example. By betting $2,800, she can win if all three players miss the last question. With correct bets and all players missing Final Jeopardy!, Melizza winds up with $399, Miles finishes with $2,999, and we'll see Judy again tomorrow as our returning champion, as she's just finished with $3,000. (Naturally, if Judy gets it right and the others don't, she wins anyway.)

Sound too theoretical? Consider what actually happened: All three players missed the final question. Melizza wound up with $399—which was good enough to win, as her opponents had wagered absurdly. Miles bet the insane sum of $7,000, which left him with $300. Judy bet the house and wound up with nothing. Had Miles bet correctly (or even close to correctly—six grand would still have won it for him), he would have been champ. Or, barring that, Judy could have won it herself.

You may be wondering: If the first person knows that the second-place person is going to have this back door, why doesn't he simply bet just enough to outstrip the second place player's more modest bet? Because there's always the possibility that the second-place person will bet it all. And in practice, the person in first place almost always bets $1 or $100 over what he needs to put himself out of reach. It's this tendency that the second- and third-place players should take advantage of.

There are also a few subtleties we're glossing over — for instance, Haley, Miles, or Judy would get a bigger payday if they bet everything and won. But the safer bet provides the extra chance of simply surviving and coming back the next day. And anyway, the basic premise is clear: If you're in second or third place going into Final Jeopardy!, don't just automatically bet it all. Your better chance may be backing into victory.

Tourney Time

2011-03-16T09:25:00.000-04:00

It’s that time of year for me to incorrectly predict the NCAA’s. I don’t even like my picks. Here we go…

East: Ohio State ( Nova) over Kentucky (WVA)
Cuse (X) over NC (Washington)

Winner: Ohio State

West: Duke (Tenn) over Texas (Zona)
Uconn (Miss) over San Diego (Temple)

Winner: Uconn

Southwest: Kansas (Illi.) over Louisville (Richmond)
Purdue (G’Town) over ND (Texas)

Winner: Kansas

Southeast: Pitt (Butler) over Wisc. (Kansas State)
Michigan State (Florida ) over BYU (St. Johns)

Winner: Pitt

Final Four: Ohio State over Uconn
Pitt over Kansas

Winner: Ohio State

My Fear of Flying Rats!

2011-03-04T11:50:00.001-05:00

I was in 6th grade when the incident happened. By neighbor, two doors down, was an eccentric character. He approached me while I was playing basketball in my backyard one day and asked me if I wanted to watch his homing pigeons for him for a few days, as he was going on vacation. I quickly declined but when he offered me 75$ for a few days worth of work, my 6th grade head exploded. I thought, 75 bucks, wow! I thought that this was going to be the easiest money that I ever earned, boy oh boy was I wrong.

The neighbor walked me to the pigeon coup and provided me my instructions on a Sunday, the day before his departure. The coup was located in his backyard, which was approximately a 12 x 15 foot shed. Inside the coup, had little wooden open square holes on the wall, approximately 2 x 2 feet where the pigeons primarily sat. The coup housed approximately 50 pigeons. My neighbor had a huge “X” made out of tape which covered the roof of his house. He would let the pigeons out of the coup, wave a flag, at which time the pigeons would fly in patterns and land on the “X.” Then, he would wave his flag again and the pigeons would fly back into the coup. My job was supposed to be simple, on a daily basis, walk into the coup, take out the feeder and water jugs, fill the feeder with food and the jugs with water and place them back into the coup. The feeder was a long rectangular shape, approximately 5 feet with wooden slots slightly wider than the pigeons head, so they could line up and place their heads through the feeder to eat bird seed. I did not have to even let the pigeons out. Okay, it seemed simple enough to me.

Monday morning came around and I went to the coup before school. This was the 1st time I had to walk inside the coup. It was still slightly dark outside and it was at the end of winter so it was also cold. I took one step in and all the pigeons began flying around. All I could here was the sound pigeons make, and the smell was of pigeon shit. Scared, I quickly ran out before I grabbed the feeder and jugs. Shit, I thought, how was I going to do this? I conned my friend “Gamer Z” who I walked to school with for doing it for me. Although scared, “Gamer Z” was able to complete the task. I thought, okay “Gamer Z” will handle this for a few days and my job will be over. But, “Gamer Z” thwarted my plan. “Gamer Z” wised up to my idea and decided to leave earlier for school the next day, thus avoiding me and the situation entirely. So, I woke up my brother Walt, who was a freshman in high school to assist me with the task. Walt walked right into the coup, with birds landing on him with no fear at all. He stayed in the coup and grabbed the feeder and jugs. After filling the feeder and jugs up, my brother placed them in the coup.

Walt helped me out until the next to last day, when I had overslept and he already left for school. With “Gamer Z” and Walt no longer around to assist I would have to handle the job myself. I stood at the doorway of the coup hoping no pigeon would move. With school time starting, and not wanting to be late, I felt the pressure. There was a break in flying inside the coup and I quickly ran in and grabbed the feeder and jugs. After filling them up, I slid the jugs from the doorway back into the coup and picked up the feeder. I took a step inside in the coup, and lost my footing. I feel to the ground, facing up, inside the coup with the seed landing on top of me! Being barely light and looking up from the shit covered ground which, it felt like I was stuck to, the pigeons flocked to the food which was all over me. I could see shadows of pigeons flying all over toward me! The beasts were pecking away at me to eat the seed! I was paralyzed with fear and laid there for several moments, to me, the time felt like it lasted an eternity. I was able to see the doorway from the floor and realized some of pigeons were by the door of the coup which I had left open. Mustering enough strength, I broke free from my paralyzed state to try and close the door. It was too late, one pigeon had flown out!

I got out of the coup, and the stupid bird and flown on top of the coup. I found a net in my neighbor’s garage and tried to lasso in the bird. However, whenever I got close the bird would fly up and then land back right on top of the coup whenever I would take a step back toward the bird. I gave up and went late to school. That night it snowed.

On the last day of the job I went back to the coup. The pigeon that had gotten out, stayed on top of the coup overnight and was frozen like a Creamsicle on top of the coup. Mortified, and wanting to hide the evidence of my misdeed, I climbed on top of the coup and grabbed the dead frozen bird. I transported the dead frozen bird several blocks and threw him down a sewer.

I did not know if my neighbor, upon his return, would realize that I killed one of his beloved birds. I didn’t know if knew exactly how many birds he had, if he could distinguish them, if they were all named. But, when he came home he walked over to my house and paid me for a “job well done.” Two things happened after that day… One, I never watched the pigeons again. And two, as most people who know me are aware; I have a phobia of pigeons!

Where Everybody Knows Your Name- Year 2

2011-03-02T13:36:00.002-05:00

I have been living in Boston for over a year! Here are some scattered reflections about the differences between living in Boston versus the suburbs of New Jersey.

-I live taking the train as my primary mode of transportation. When I lived in NJ, I never really took public transportation anywhere. Occasionally, I would take the bus or train train to NYC, but in my travels throughout the State, I would drive everywhere. And when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere! Now, not only do I take the train to work, I take it everywhere I have to go. There are many reasons why I take the train in Boston and never took public transportation in Jersey. I guess it’s more convenient (parking, traffic) to take the train than drive in Boston, plus the train goes basically everywhere. I wonder if NJ had a better public transportation system (quicker, went to more places) would people take public transportation as opposed to driving their own privately owned vehicles? Is driving in NJ somehow ingrained in the culture? I ponder these questions because places I walk to now I would have never walked in NJ due to distance.

-Boston is cool, relative to Jersey because Boston always has a lot of stuff going on. Everyday there’s all types of shit going on in the city. Plays, movies, bars/restaurants, or just a walk to the park or esplanade. It’s nice to be able to walk outside and do something, without having a planned event to go to.

-The downside of living in Boston is that I miss certain people. I have a lot of aquitances in Boston, but no one I would consider a friend. Most of the people I work with are old (relative to me), and I spend my spare time with my girlfriend (which I enjoy, but I could spend time with her if we lived in NJ). There has been nobody I really clicked with up here. I wonder if that’s my nature, or if people don’t have “friends” like they do when they are younger.

- The bagels suck in Boston as does the pizza! Also, nobody has Taylor Ham (or Pork Roll if you’re from South Jersey). It simply doesn’t exist in Boston…very strange.

-This winter has sucked in Boston! I guess it has sucked everywhere, but it has snowed so much up here, and when you walk everywhere it’s really a pain in the ass. It’s like a fucking videogame to get down the street. On that note, I busted my ass walking to the train the other morning on a patch of ice.

-I wonder if I am going to stay living up here, somewhere else, or move back to the NY/NJ metro area one day…

Classic Post: Right, On Queue?

2011-02-27T17:08:00.000-05:00

I haven't had much creativity to write about new stuff recently, yet I felt obligated to the readers to post something recently. So, here's a recycled post from my previous job from several years ago.

Question: Let's say you're waiting on line at a drive-thru bank where there are 4 lanes in operation. All the lanes are being used, and 3 of those lanes have an extra car in them - so, on line, there are 2, 2, 1, and 2 cars in each lane. In this case, it's obvious where you'll drive - in the lane with only 1 car.

However, let's say that all of the lanes have 2 cars in them, meaning the one currently being served and one more car behind them. Here are the questions:

  A) Do you have to take your chances and pick a lane? Or,
 B) Can you just hang back so that whichever lane opens first becomes yours?

  I vote for B). I think it's rude when a person comes to the drive-thru, sees me "hanging back", and rather than line up behind me to be filtered into the next-opening lane, swerves around me to arbitrarily pick a lane.  

And, as an extension to this question, let's say you are waiting on a long line at a supermarket, and it's late hours so there are only 2 aisles open, both of which have long lines. Let's say that a cashier opens a new aisle and announces "I can take somebody over here". If you are towards the back of the line, are you morally obligated to offer the people in front of you first dibs at the newly opened aisle?

Here were comments from the original post:

Matt Dabney said...
Scenario A:   Hopefully the entrance to the drive thru is only wide enough for one car than fans out to accept the 4 lanes. In that case, I would hang back far enough to not allow someone to swerve around you to cut in front.   Scenario B:   Who ever moves their cart the fastest to the new open register wins. Hopefully you see the cashier walking with her till box to the closed register getting ready to open it. Then you can get a headstart and head over to the register before it even opens.

Joe said...
Switch to Scenario "A" as soon as someone appears behind you. There's no way they can read your mind.   If people did that at grocery-store checkout lines, or at toll booths, there would be a freaking mess. I mean what's so specail about the drive-through?   If I saw someone doing Scenario "B", I would tap the horn. And if they still didn't move I'd be pissed.

Luke said...
i think at the drive through you have to pick a lane but at the supermarket it's first person to the new cashier wins - you have no obligation to those in front of you

kimblog said...
I like Joe's comment on scenerio A. We spend too much time thinking that others can read our minds, while the party opposite us is thinking the same thing.

Is It Racist?

2011-02-17T15:06:00.001-05:00

In conversing with quite a few people, as well as hearing a fair amount of commentary about the potential NFL lock out for next season, I have some thoughts. The consensus, of what I’ve heard seems to be that the players are selfish, overpaid, and should take less money to have the regular season start on time next year. Am I the only one who sees that this position as driven in a large part by race?

In order to examine this issue we should not ignore the fact that of active NFL players, almost 65% are black. This is widely disproportionate to the general population in which approximately 13% are back. Of the owners of the 32 NFL teams, 100% of them are white. So, we should note in this labor/owner dispute in this situation, it has white dominated owner represenatation, and a predominantly black labor population.

The most common argument I hear is that NFL players are overpaid. While my inclination is to agree with that presumption, shouldn’t the free market dictate the amount of compensation one receives based on their skill level, and desire of that skill in a free market? If we look at NFL salaries from the free market perspective, then perhaps players are not overpaid. I don’t believe NFL players are anymore “overpaid” than a stock trader, or a financial investor who makes a comparable salary. I don’t believe the skill level of some schmuck who works at Goldman Sachs to be more inherently more valuable than the skill set of an NFL player. After all, NFL players are the best at what they do in a highly desired marketplace. As an aside, is there anyone who makes more than a million dollars a year who is not “overpaid?”

If ticket prices, and the general revenue received by the NFL remain constant, I would prefer to see the players get a fair slice of that revenue pie. NFL owners have very little risk and skill in what they do relative to their workforce. There really is no risk of investment for an NFL owner. Think about it, 100 plus million people watched the Super Bowl! If you had the money and owner rights to a team, continuing to invest in a team, seems to be little risk given the immense popularity of the NFL. The players are the ones training, and risking permanent injury to play. By contrast, the owners watch the games from a box, literally. The owner essentially writes a check, and counts the money he makes from the labor of the players.

It seems to me, that the outcry against the player’s salaries may play into an underlying presumption, that a black labor force, where education and advantage is not the driving skill, should not be entitled to make millions of dollars. But, if we as consumers are willing to pay the price we do to watch the games, shouldn’t the people who put in the real work be compensated to an amount comparable to the profit of the league? We pay to see certain players when we watch a professional game, we don’t care who cuts their paychecks. We go to see Umenyiora slam a quarterback, not watch the rich white owner cut his check. So, we should give a decent percentage to Umenyiora.

If you proclaim that players are replaceable, and is you think replacement players would do little to impact the product of the NFL, trying going to a Nets game. Surprisingly people are able to sniff out an inferior product when it comes to sports. If watching a Nets game is not proof enough and you still think players are easily replaceable, watch a MLS game and then watch an English Premier game. It’s almost a totally different sport! And if you don’t think that’s proof enough, have fun watching Arena football. Also, if there is a lockout, think about the popularity of MLB following the lockout season of 1994 or NBA popularity following the 1999 lockout.

It seems to me that the owners should be willing to pay a fair share of their profit, back to the people who made them that money. Players need owners, but owners need players as well, and any old player will not due if the league is to maintain its popularity. Let’s not undervalue the labor that entertains us, even if they primarily have a different skin color than the people who are entertained by them. And, if we are willing to pay a ridiculous price to go see a game, let’s give the labor their fair share of that. If race doesn’t play a part of most people’s inclination to side with management in this labor dispute, than I don’t know what does.

New York Knicks - An Extremely Quick Look Back on Eddy Curry

2011-02-13T15:16:00.001-05:00

Eddy Sandman in his glory days.

Where'd my post go comparing the two?

How quickly things change in professional sports. Check out this post from Where's Luke's own ChuckJerry about the Knicks - dated four years ago, and how it's ancient history already. I don't think anybody he refers to is even on the team anymore!

Among the gems in his post about Mr. Curry:

"I do have hope for the Knicks to improve this year and also the next. The reason: Eddy Curry is unstoppable."

"There have been two bright spots for the Knicks this year in an otherwise mediocre to ppor season. First is that David Lee is incredible.... The second bright spot for the Knicks this year is Eddy Curry. To say that he's turned the corner this season would be a huge understatement."

"It might be an overstatement, but I think [Curry]'s the most underrated offensive player in the league. He throws down alley oop passes better than anyone this side of Dwight Howard and is better than anyone I can ever recall with his back to the basket."

... and...

"Quentin Richardson... does everything at an above average level without really being a star."

"Renaldo Balkman is pure energy and no focus at this point. He might be a David Lee Lite type of guy eventually."

Note: this is not to pick on ChuckJerry at all - again, this just illustrates how quickly things change in sports. I've said / written identical things in the past as well. Case in point: my Quad Who point from this past off-season, discussing why the Knicks are god-awful, when infact they have proven to be decent.

BOTG's NBA All Star Team

2011-02-01T09:35:00.001-05:00

Here are my picks for this year’s NBA All Star game, starters and reserves.

East:

PG- Rondo
SG- Wade
SF- Bron
PF- Amare
C- Howard

Reserves:

Rose
Ray Allen
Joe Johnson
Paul Pierce
Carlos Boozer
Kevin Garnett
Andrew Bogut

West:

PG- Chris Paul
SG- Kobe
SF- Melo
PF- Kevin Durant
C- Tim Duncan

Reserves:

Deron Williams
Ginobili
Blake Griffin
Dirk
Pau Gasol
Kevin Love
Steve Nash

I think Griffin and Love both deserve a spot. Also, I think Rondo is ahead of Rose, as the Celtics are better than the Bulls and Rondo leads the NBA in assists. BTW, it’s very whack that Yao was voted as a starter for the actual all star game. On that note, it may be time to stop letting the fans vote, if they are going to do things like vote in Yao.

What are your picks?

More on Governor Krispy Kreme

2011-01-28T09:55:00.001-05:00

I still loosely follow New Jersey politics since moving to Boston. NJ’s Governor is a man named Chris Christie; however, I call him Governor Krispy Kreme. Governor Kreme has been the Governor of NJ for approximately one year. I truly do hate this fat sack of shit! Here are some of the many reasons why Krispy is a fuckface and just a bad Governor! (Click on links for actual news stories)

1) He failed to secure federal education dollars: The federal government sponsored a “Race to the Top” in which States were able to apply for federal education dollars based on innovative ideas in education. Krispy’s appointed Education Commissioner improperly filled out the form, and poof, 418 million dollars in educational aide from the fed was gone. Krispy blamed “government bureaucracy” because the evaluator of the applications didn’t tell him that NJ forgot to fill out a section of the application. Hey Krispy, it’s called a *competitive* grant, meaning, an evaluator scores your application. If you don’t fill out a section, the evaluator can not give your State an unfair advantage by assisting NJ to get more points on the application. Despite not securing these funds he bitches about teachers salaries every 2 minutes, and that really is every two minutes, no exaggeration.
2) He cancelled a tunnel that would connect NJ to NY: Not only was it bad enough that Krispy cancelled a construction project that would have created many jobs in a bad economy, and would have helped to ease congestion between NJ and NY, he was apparently unaware that he would have to pay back the federal dollars that he took for this project. So, poof, good bye to another 271 million in federal funding for the project.
3) Created a ton of new advisor positions in the Office of the Governor : This is not a big deal in the abstract, but coming from a guy whose whole platform is the government spends too much, adding bull shit positions for your wife’s friends seems to be hippo-critical. (get it, Hippo?)
4) Complains about excessive government spending every two minutes, but stayed illegally at five star hotels when he was a federal prosecutor. Not much to say about this, but his excuse for staying at five star hotels while staying in Boston and D.C is that he was “not familiar with the area.” It’s called Google, Krispy!
5) Bitches about the Union for spending too much but wants tax breaks for corporations: This is a personal hatred, but I hate it when rich fucks complain about spending, and then want tax breaks for themselves.
6) He appointed a woman as Commissioner to the Department of Children and Families who advocated for sex with children: Granted this is an oversimplification, but Christie ousted a Commissioner who had great statistical success with the Department in favor of a new Commissioner, not knowing that some of her research including the impact of adults having sex with children, and finding that the impacts were not that detrimental to children. Not someone who you want having as your Commissioner in a Department charged with protecting abused and neglected children.

I could give more specific examples, but the overall reason I hate this guy is he’s such a blowhard. Tony Soprano had a great line to someone when he described the aggressive nature of someone of the phone as a “telephone tough guy.” To me, this describes Krispy perfectly. An example of this is he rightfully objected to NJ contributing to costs for the Tappen Zee Bridge construction, but then, has to make statements like “I’m telling NY to stop messing with us!” Calm down tough guy. In addition, he’s on TV and in the newspapers everyday talking about superintendent salaries; meanwhile he makes twice as much as most of them. He’s such a grandstander. I would love to get him alone so I could punch him in his fat face!

Old School Nintendo Games

2011-01-20T19:30:00.006-05:00

I have a Nintendo Wii, and with it I have several new fancy games that would be inconceivable back in 1986 or so. I have enjoyed these games. Then, I found I could purchase old Nintendo games for the original NES and download them directly to the Wii for $5 each. I purchased several of my old favorites, and they were all fun as well. Two games, however, have proven to be the two that I come back to often, and I don't know why.

One is Bubble Bobble. You are a dragon or something, and you have to go through levels killing enemies by encasing them in a bubble and running into them. The levels get faster, have harder bad guys, and give you less time to complete them.

The other is the original Nintendo Baseball (with came out 27 years ago, amazingly). This is the most primitive of sports home video games, and yet I find it so addictive. I play against the computer, and while I beat it more often than not, I don't feel that I've mastered it to the level I did when I was first playing it.

I've been wondering what it is specifically that is making me so hooked on these two games as opposed to all the other games I have, both old and new.

Governor Chris Christie and the NJEA

2011-01-14T18:23:00.001-05:00

Our governor, Chris Christie, gives a good example of politicans "saying one thing and doing another". Pretty remarkable.

Here is a "open letter" that he wrote when he was campaigning against Jon Corzine, obtained from this website.

I am the proud product of our state’s public education system. In fact, my late mother was a dues-paying member of the NJEA. I know firsthand that one of the main reasons many of our schools rank among the best in America is because of our dedicated teachers and educational professionals who work hard every day to give our children the learning experience they deserve.

Like you, I am fully committed to supporting New Jersey’s kids, teachers and parents to make sure our children receive a first-class education so they can pursue limitless opportunities once they graduate. Our state’s teachers are charged with one of the greatest responsibilities one can have, and they deliver each and every day for our kids.

But lately, there has been some misinformation circulated falsely, by supporters of Governor Corzine, suggesting I would attempt to diminish or take away teachers’ pensions and benefits. Let me be clear - nothing could be further from the truth. The claim that any harm would come to your pension should I be elected Governor is absolutely untrue. It is a 100% lie. Your pension will be protected when I am elected Governor.

Right now, the Trenton-based leaders of the teachers' union are literally spending millions of dollars of your union dues to falsely attack me on television and through slick mailers. This is nothing but an attempt to poison me in your eyes so that you will vote for four more years of Jon Corzine and his failed policies. Just so I am clear, what they are saying about my intentions to hurt pensions or lay off teachers is absolutely, 100% untrue.

Here are the facts:
I will be a strong ally for teachers in the classroom. When elected, I will make education funding a top priority and I believe we must ensure those dollars reach our children and the classroom, not the educational bureaucracy. In these tough economic times, we must ensure that the proper resources get to you, the teachers in the classroom. Despite what is said by my opponents, I would accept federal education stimulus dollars to help fund our children's educations. Education is a priority and this money is critical to ensuring we are able to continue giving our children the education they deserve. We must also make sure that education dollars are always a priority and come from stable sources. Too often these grants or stimulus dollars are accepted for programs with no plan on how to pay for them after the money runs dry. It is time for a new era of responsibility in Trenton, and I will work to secure a steady source of funding for all education programs.
I will protect your pensions. Nothing about your pension is going to change when I am governor. In fact, in order to ensure your retirement savings are safe, I believe we must prioritize the protection of pension fund dollars and investigate the cause of Jon Corzine's large investment losses to our pension system. Currently there is a $34 billion deficit in the State's pension fund, which threatens the retirement and lifeline of so many teachers. We must do better for our teachers, future teachers and retirees. As Governor, I will work to close unfunded liabilities and make sure our state lives up to its promises, unlike Jon Corzine. I will not raid your pension fund to cover budgetary shortfalls like previous governors of both parties have done. One of the changes I will bring to Trenton is responsible management, investment, and oversight of state pension dollars.
I will not end collective bargaining and will safeguard protections for ALL public employees, including teachers. Collective bargaining is an important safeguard for public employees and is a part of a long American tradition of self government. We must make sure that the voice of every worker is represented in contract negotiations. I will demand open, honest, and fair deliberations.
It’s true that times are tough. But the truth is that Jon Corzine has handed the NJEA and every student a ticking time bomb in this year's budget. He has funded the new school aid formula with $1 billion in one-shot revenue that will disappear next year. Every school budget and academic, athletic, and extra-curricular program for our kids is at risk because of the Governor’s reckless, short-sighted policy. Governor Corzine has refused to make the tough decisions required to make sure we make education funding a priority for recurring revenue and to avoid the ticking time bomb.

We may disagree on some issues, but I know we agree on what’s most important – delivering the best education we can for our kids. Giving New Jersey's children a quality education is critical to their future and I know we wouldn't be able to do that without the dedication and tireless commitment of teachers like you. I appreciate you allowing me to clear up some of the misinformation being circulated about my plans to support our state's teachers.

Thank you for your service, and best wishes on a great school year.

Toilet Bowl 2010

2011-01-06T09:22:00.002-05:00

I don’t think I could ever top the masterpiece written several years ago regarding the magic of the annual Toilet Bowl Game in Teaneck, so I won’t even try. I’ll just provide a summary of this year’s Toilet Bowl 2010 from my perspective…

I arrived at BF North (or is it South?) at around 1:30 pm and a familiar face was waiting in his car, Daffy. Despite the snow beginning to fall and no one else present, I suggested that we make our way over to the field to warm up. Daffy had an arsenal of equipment including: official cones, measuring tape, a football, and a bag with god knows what else.

Then, the ever reliable Chuck Jerry arrived and we began to toss the ball around. Jerry and I were standing on the field, and we saw who we thought was John Strauss approaching the field. No, wait, we pulled an Andy B., as it was the younger Strauss brother, David. After BPG, Hollywood, and Rick arrived we had all the players who would attend this years’ annual Toilet Bowl!

After standing in a circle and drinking beers, we discussed the usual topics of conversation. Anybody who did not come, was of course a bitch for selling out despite their circumstances, everybody playing is out of shape, blah blah blah… play ball! But wait, only Daffy and I were in attendance for non 96ers so we had to make an automatic QB, David, and spilt up teams, Hollywood, Daffy and I vs. Rick, Chuck, and BPG.

The snow began to fall and we played for a good hour or so. Ok, maybe it was only like 20 minutes, but it felt like damn near an hour. We took another break for a beer and Rick wandered off. Speculation occurred as to if Rick was vomiting (which has become a habit for Rick in recent years) but Rick did not vomit, and returned from the trees with a drink, which I think was like a Pellegrino or some sparkling water. We all joked that Rick must have stored the drink in the woods last year and was now retrieving it. Thinking about it… Why did Rick have to go to the woods to get a drink? Also, how did the drink get there? Since when did Pellegrino become a sports drink?

Anyway, we played for about another hour or so and headed to Vinny’s. We drank beers, ate food, and chatted. The real excitement for me at Vinny's was winning a door prize, which consisted of a Yuengling shirt, key chain, and my very own Vinny O’s cup holder. With the snow really coming down, and the Giants getting their asses pounded against Green Bay to all but close their playoff hopes, I left at half time to stay ahead of the weather. It was another great year! The only down side was barely being about to walk for a few days because of soreness, but that’s a small price to pay to be a part of the glory of the annual Toilet Bowl!

Happy New Year! / Evanston Sports Report

2011-01-01T13:30:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year to our plethora of readers!

For your viewing pleasure, here is the most recent (and first) episode of "Evanston Sports Report", on which two relatives of yours truly and Beer-on-the-Girl who live in the Chicago area discuss the Bulls and Knicks rivalry. There are references made to the last twenty years or so of said rivalry during which Michael Jordan got the best of our beloved Knicks.

It remains to be seen who will have a more successful decade.

Anyway, enjoy.

New Jersey - Ethnic Minorities

2010-12-31T13:58:00.002-05:00

This map is from the latest NJEA (New Jersey Educator's Association) magazine showing the counties of our great Garden State by ethnic minority percentage. Surprising numbers.

Welcome Back!

2010-12-15T08:44:00.001-05:00

We are the New York Knicks! We are the New York Knicks! Say “Go New York, Go New York, Go!” “Go New York, Go New York, Go!”

Ok, enough of that song, but what a difference a year makes. I feel bad about bashing the Knicks all pre-season and stating that I was going to leave them. This may be presumptuous, especially with the Celtics and Heat coming to town, but it looks like the Knicks have turned things around. The Knicks are currently 16-9 and have won 13 out of their last 14 and are on an eight game winning streak. The Knicks are currently tied for 5th place in the eastern conference. Granted, the Knicks have had the easiest strength of schedule in the league thus far, but it’s still an accomplishment. So, all former Knick fans that have been in hidings the past 10 years, it’s safe to return. Let’s examine why the Knicks are finally a basketball team again and all the pleasant surprises thus far.

Amare Stoudamire! Need I say more? Ok, I will. For those who haven’t noticed, he’s had eight 30 plus point games which breaks a franchise record. Before coming to the Knicks I thought Amare was a one dimensional player. A great finisher and not much else. I didn’t know if he was a max-contract guy. I really didn’t know Amare was so versatile, but he really can create his own shot. I don’t know if Amare was always this good, or if he has matured. The main thing Amare gives the Knicks is leadership. The Knicks finally have a likeable vocal leader for the team and he’s the real deal. He really is worth all the hype.

They have a real point guard. I didn’t know much about Raymond Felton at the start of the season. I figured he was a mediocre point guard. But, Felton is good. Felton can break down defenses and controls the pace of the game. Felton is averaging 18.4 points 8.7 assists and 2 steals per night.

Also, Wilson Chandler is showing healthy development and proving to be legit scorer averaging 17.3 per game. He also grabs 6 rebounds a night. He has increased his scoring every year in the league. Chandler is way ahead of most of his peers in his development being in his 3rd year.

But, the biggest surprise has been Landry Fields. You don’t normally expect much out of a mid second-round rookie, especially in a mediocre draft class, but Fields is proving the teams that passed him over wrong. He is a great rebounder from the 2 position and is leading the league in that department at 7.6 per night. Also, since Amare has been starting at center, it helps to have a 2 that can rebound. Plus, he can score, averaging 10.2. Fields does the little things that help you win games. I would feel comfortable saying he will be on the all-rookie team.

Now, we should point out the not so positives. Gallinari has been solid, but has not shown mass improvement since last season. Sure, he is getting to the line more and making more foul shots, but he really has not found his role yet. Also, Anthony Randolph has not been integrated into the team at all. Mozgov has not proven to be a diamond in the rough yet, but he still has plenty of time.

But, all the negatives aside, Knicks fans can smile again. I don’t think any Knicks fans can say that they are competing for a title yet, but the foundation is there. Also, Melo recently stated that he will only sign a contract extension with NY. Imagine this same team plus Melo. In addition to all these positives, Eddy “Sandman” Curry is finally coming off the books at the end of the season. Thank god! The future looks bright after ten years wandering around a dark tunnel. So, if any Knicks fans see Isiah Thomas hanging around the Garden, run him out of town. Walsh and D’Antoni have assembled a respectable team, and for many, you can turn on MSG again and not get sick to your stomach watching basketball.

Can I Have My Vote Back?

2010-12-13T15:06:00.001-05:00

In case you’re living under a rock and haven’t heard, Obama sold out again! Obama is agreeing to the Bush-tax-cuts for the wealthy. In essence, John Boehner and Mitch McConnell just bent Obama like he was Marcellus Wallace and they were the two hicks in the basement of that music store. In related news, right now, Obama’s doing a re-enactment of that scene in Animal House when Kevin Bacon is being paddled and asking, “Thank you sir, may I have another?”

I know some Democrats are going to say, “Well this was the only way to extend middle class tax cuts, and unemployment benefits.” If that is your position, need I remind of Obama’s 2008 platform? Obama used the sound bite, “The bush’s tax cuts only benefit the top 1% of Americans” one million times. I agreed with Obama that the tax cuts were ridiculous but even I got sick of hearing it over and over. Not only was Obama opposed to tax cuts for the wealthy, but it was his entire platform to get into office. Now, he extended those cuts, for two more years!

I really can’t get over this. I guess since Obama has been in office he is trying to win over some Republicans. Well Mr. President, if that is your position let me let you on a secret; the Republicans are never going to accept you. No matter your position on an issue, they will take the opposite side. We know Obama doesn’t support their position on this issue, as he admitted that he “regretfully agrees” to this. He caves on his beliefs like always to a side that will never accept him. If this was Bush and Cheney, and they had Obama’s beliefs, you can bet your ass they would never have agreed to this tax plan.

Obama has to be the worst negotiator in history. He starts with a position; let’s say for example, a single payer option for health care. He meets with the other side and they say things that are completely ridiculous like, “You’re going to create death panels.” You know, shit they pull right out of their ass. Obama then asks them what they want. Obama then gives into the most reasonable position on their side. Then, when there is backlash, they blame Obama for the plan and he accepts the criticism. You know that in 2012, the Republicans are going to blame Obama for having a bad tax plan, despite that plan being theirs and he will take the “L” on it.

Like Chris Rock said about Michael Jackson “I’m handing in my glove!” I hope the Dems put up somebody decent in 2012 to vote for, because this is it. This is the straw that broke my back. Oh Howard Dean, where art thou?

The Amazing Flying Rat

2010-12-07T12:05:00.001-05:00

I hate birds! And for those who know me, you know I hate the pigeon more than any other bird. This hatred stems from a traumatic childhood experience, and to this day I have a hatred and fear of pigeons, which extends to all birds. I don’t see any difference between the pigeon and the rat; expect the pigeon can fly, making them worse than rats. Now that I’ve stated my bias, I have to throw this thought out there. I can not fathom why anybody feeds wild pigeons!

I have seen many people in Boston, New York, and other areas feeding wild pigeons on the street. I see people typically feeding bread crumbs, but in some instances other food, to pigeons. I’m trying to understand why someone would buy food and feed it to a wild animal, especially an animal that is dirty and carries disease. I see the activity of buying bread, standing outside, and throwing the food around equivalent to buying a bag of chips, and then standing in my alley and throwing them towards are a group of rats. If I fed rats, most people would call me crazy because I would be supporting a population of a dirty, disease carrying pest. So, why do people view the act of feeding pigeons differently?

Pigeons are dirty, smell bad, and carry disease. If you don’t believe me, read this. Plus, no one can dispute that pigeons shit all over the place.

So why would anyone want to encourage and support a population of disease ridden, shit taking, disgusting animals? What does one gain by standing outside and throwing bread crumbs or food to pigeons? This action of feeding the birds causes the birds to flock to where the food is thrown, fight over the food, and then fly overhead, at which time you run the risk of one of them shitting on you. The best case scenario of feeding a pigeon is you don’t get shit on. The worst case, a pigeon flies on you, you get a terrible disease and die.

Unless you’re crazy, you should not feed pigeons. If someone is genuinely crazy it may be understandable that they would feed pigeons, if they are not able to reason. But, if you are not crazy, and have the ability to reason, there is no rational justification one can provide to feeding pigeons. If you’re not concerned about the disease the birds carry, think about the rest of us who are concerned.

I’m employing all of you who read this blog to spread the word… Stop feeding the fucking pigeons!

I Can’t Figure Them Out!

2010-12-06T12:02:00.001-05:00

The Giants crushed The Redskins last night 31-7. The G-Men now stand at 8-4 tied with the Eagles for the best record in the NFC East. The season has been strange for the G-Men. The Giants have ridden a roller coaster this season, and I can’t figure out if this team is for real.

The expectation prior to the start of this season was not great. Most power ranking had the Giants at the middle of the pack and most people predicted the G-Men finishing around 8-8. I agreed with that prediction. The season started out bad. After two losses in the second and third week the Giants feel to 1-2. Many were calling for Coughlin’s head and questions began about who would be in the Giants locker-room at the end of the season. Jacobs got so frustrated during a game that he threw his helmet in the stands!

Then, the Giants figured things out. They rattled off five straight wins. Analysts and announcers were hailing the Giants as the best in the NFC and perhaps the best in the NFL. Ahmad Bradshaw was emerging as a premiere running back in the league. But, I think it was the Giants D, particularly the pass rush that was so great during this winning streak. The Giants were knocking out Quarterbacks like Mike Tyson at the beginning of his career. Two great knockouts were when the Giants knocked out Cutler, and then took out Romo for the season. Simply stated, the Giants D seemed scary.

But, then came two bad Divisional losses. The first loss was terrible! The Giants got pounded by a 1-7 Cowboys team after a coaching change. Then, the Giants lost another close Divisional game to the Eagles. Bradshaw seemed to be fumbling the ball every other play and looked like Tiki Barber early is his career. The defensive was not imposing and the Giants looked like they were exposed as frauds. The Giants were 6-4.

Now, the past two weeks the Giants look great again. The Giants beat the Jaguars and trounced the Redskins.

It’s been a strange season in that there don’t appear to be any dominant teams, especially in the NFC. The Eagles looks tough but certainly beatable. The Falcons have the NFC’s best record but most are not sold on them. The Bears are 9-3 but have looked bad at various points in the season. The Saints look good but great. At this time last season the Saints and Colts were both on the verge of undefeated seasons. The Saints were easily the class of the NFC and the Colts the AFC. This season, who knows? Because of the uncertainty of who’s top dog, I would not be surprised about anything that happens for the remainder of the season. I could see the G-Men getting housed coming down the stretch of the season and not making the playoffs. I could just as easily see the G-Men making a magical run to the Super Bowl. I hope it’s the latter.

Gold Speaks

2010-12-04T10:56:00.001-05:00

This YouTube clip was recently unearthed by BotG, profilic blogger of Hobo Con Queso.

This is friend-of-the-blog Gold speaking at Harvest Fest in Wisconsin about marijuana policy reform some time ago. Gold has pushed for reform in this area for a long time, and I believe I speak for the co-authors when I say that we endorse Gold's views in this area. Listen to Gold speak below:

UPDATE (12/7/2010): You can also see two more views of his speech! (Thanks, BotG) - Here and here

Losing Touch with Maynod

2010-12-01T12:02:00.002-05:00

Ok, so Maynod is just an alias for an old friend of mine, and all eight people who read this blog will figure out quickly who Maynod is. Maynod Nailcub, was a good friend of mine and my college roommate at Rutgers. We were very close, and now, we don’t talk at all. People come and go, in and out of your life, but losing touch with Maynod was very strange for me. Losing touch with Maynod has been very complex.

I met Maynod my first semester at Rutgers. Maynod did not blow me away in my first meeting with him. My first semester at Rutgers I lived with Maynod, my brother Walt Clyde, and a friend/acquaintance of Walt. Maynod, Walt and I met in the New Brunswick area prior to the beginning of the semester to get to know each other, and also talk about living together. I guess at the time, I was a little overwhelmed with moving away from home for the first time, so in my meeting with Maynod, I had more anxiety about being away from home, than I was concerned about connecting or getting to know Maynod.

My initial impression was that Maynod seemed a little strange, a Kramer (from Seinfeld) type. Maynod was Middle Eastern and had a bizarre appearance to me. He introduced himself by his nickname, and then quickly explained that his nickname was not connected to his male anatomy at all. Maynod seemed very eager, full of life, and borderline hyperactive. I was little concerned that we would not connect well, coming from two different backgrounds and personality styles.

However, when I started living with Maynod, we clicked right away. My brother Walt was very involved with his soon to be wife, and it wasn’t long after living with Walt that he spent majority of his time and his future wife’s dorm room. Our other roommate was very strange, was into ballroom dancing, and also kid of a mooch. He didn’t have any money, and was always grubbing. Maynod and I bonded over our dislike for the other roommate.

I found that Maynod and I had similar interests. Maynod and I both liked playing the same video games and we both smoked at the time. Maynod and I became friends with the girls who lived across the hall. Maynod introduced me to his friends that he had met in previous semesters, like Little Danny and Solo. I latched onto this group and we all became friends. I maintained a close friendship with Maynod, my best friend at Rutgers, until I graduated.

Over my time at Rutgers with Maynod, I had introduced him to various friends and acquaintances from my hometown of Teaneck. Maynod became friends with my friends from home. Two friends that Maynod grew particularly close with were my best friend Gold and Notorious LJT from Where’s Luke fame. Maynod also grew pretty close with everyone from my family. Throughout our time at Rutgers, and after graduation Maynod would remark how he felt that there was a bond between us that made us like “brothers.”

Maynod is smart and has a gift for gab. I think it is fair to say Maynod is charismatic. Maynod was an engineering major and landed a job at a big construction company after graduation. I began working in social services for the State of New Jersey. My best friend from home, Gold, who went to school in Wisconsin, moved back to the tri-state area and was working for the Quakers. Not wanting to live at home for a long time, I suggested to Maynod and Gold that we live together. Maynod was dating one of the girls that we met at Rutgers who had lived across the hall. Maynod, Gold, and I moved to Hoboken in the fall of 2002.

While living in Hoboken, Maynod professed to me several times that he really enjoyed working for corporate America. Maynod stated that he loved the company he was working for, but desired “more” out of life than engineering. After doing research, Maynod stated that he was going to be back to school to get his M.B.A.

Maynod moved away to upstate New York in 2004 to get his M.B.A. This is when I first started to lose touch with Maynod. Maynod and I would talk sporadically and less frequently than we ever had. LJT and Maynod seemed to be growing somewhat closer. LJT and I visited Maynod at his graduate school. For the first time, I felt there was a disconnect between Maynod and I. Maynod was still dating the girl from home, but also had engaged in a new relationship at school. LJT and I remarked to each other that it didn’t appear kosher. Maynod also appeared more career driven than ever before.

Upon graduation from his M.B.A program, Maynod landed a good job at a big corporation. Maynod became even more distant from everybody except, perhaps, LJT. Despite our growing disconnect, Maynod joined me and my family at Cape Cod in the summer of 2006 and we attended Side Bar’s wedding at Cape Cod. Maynod and I hung out most of the night and it appeared that our friendship had picked up where we once left off. Maynod visited me at my new apartment in Hackensack for a card game several months after the wedding.

However, there was still a growing divide between Maynod and the Teaneck crew. Maynod did not return calls from me, Gold, LJT and also from several of my Rutgers friends. It appeared that Maynod was intentionally distancing himself from his old friends.

The big incident that changed than course of our friendship came in 2007. Maynod had met a girl at his job working for his new big corporation. Maynod professed that he was doing very well at work and becoming a major player. Maynod stated that the woman that he met was also a big player in the organization. Maynod got engaged shortly after meeting her. Although Maynod stated that he wanted all his friends to meet his new partner, and attend their wedding, there was something amiss. Then, I got a call from LJT that Maynod had sent him a wedding invitation, in Maynod’s home country in the Middle East. LJT called me to inquire as to whether I would attend the wedding. I informed LJT that I not received an invitation yet. And, as it turns out, I never did receive an invitation!

I was very hurt that not only did Maynod not invite me to his wedding, but had invited someone that I introduced him to. I speculated why Maynod did not invite me. I reflected and felt that perhaps Maynod felt closer to LJT, or maybe Maynod felt that LJT was a better business connection. In the end, I never got an answer.

I waited several months and then tried calling Maynod. Maynod did not return the call. Then, in 2008, after a night of heavy drinking with LJT, Gold and other people from Teaneck, we called Maynod. We took turns leaving him inappropriate and mean messages. I guess it was official that the Teaneck crew and Maynod were broken up at that point.

To this day I have not spoken with Maynod. I have spoken individually with LJT and Gold about showing up at Maynod’s place of residence and inquiring why he has not called anyone back in three years. Although we concluded that showing up at Maynod’s house is borderline stalkerish, we speculated as to Maynod’s reaction. Would he not answer the door? Would he try and weasel out an excuse like he lost his phone which included the contact information for everyone he knew? We also joked that we should go to Maynod’s house in disguise to surprise him, like a Groucho Marx fake nose and glasses.

In any event, like a bad breakup with a girlfriend, I still want to know what happened between Maynod and I. What changed for Maynod? Does he feel bad that he never invited me to his wedding and did not know how to handle the situation after that? Does he feel that to move up in the corporate world, he needs to only be friends with people who work for corporations? I’m still left with more questions than answers and don’t have any closure to my relationship with Maynod.

Hating on the Nyets and New Jersey

2010-11-29T13:53:00.001-05:00

People hate the NJ Nets! Why? I don’t know for sure, but I do have theory. New Jersey has something like 9 million people who live in a dense area but the Nets are hard pressed to fill half the arena playing one of the most popular US sports. I think the reason is, people love to hate on New Jersey, even people from New Jersey, and the Nets get the shit end of the stick because of that.

Fact: The Nets have been a much better franchise than the Knicks for the past decade. The fact is the Nets have made the NBA Finals twice in the past decade. They have also made the playoffs seven times in the past decade. The Knicks, by comparison, have not had a winning record in the past 10 years and only made the playoffs once, as the 8th seed, at which time ironically they were swept by the Nets.

So, the Nets have obviously been better, for a long time than the Knicks. Yet, even in Northern New Jersey, the Knicks are the team to root for. Why? The Knicks have made one bad move after another, yet, even at the height of Knicks suckdom, they sell out games. By contrast, during the Jason Kidd years in which they made the NBA finals twice, the Nets were hard pressed to fill the arena.

I have attended some Nets games over the past 10 years and it has been a sad sight. Even when they were good, the arena was half empty and, of those in attendance, only a small percentage were cheering for the Nets. Often times, shopping in NJ over the past decade, at Models or Foot Locker, Nets tickets were given away with crappy shirts and shoes, yet people still would not go to the games, and if they did, it was to see the opposing team.

The Nets are like the fat kid that lost weight, but still gets picked on for being the fat kid. People picked on them when they sucked, yet, even when they got good, people in NJ still viewed them as the easy target to hate.

The past summer should have been the time that Nets made the big dive into the free agent market. Last summer a Russian billionaire (hence the Name Nyets) became the principal owner of the team. This Russian dude seems mad cool, billionaire playboy type, who travels in a private jet with hot chicks. Also, Jay-Z is a partial owner, which is obviously mad cool. They also have cap space and young talent, yet they can’t attract any big name free agents because they play in Jersey.

It breaks down like this; if you live in North Jersey you falsely identify yourself as a New Yorker. If you live in South Jersey, you falsely identify yourself as Philadelphian. Hence, if you live in North Jersey you root for the Knicks. If you live in South Jersey you root for Sixers. Nowhere in NJ is Net country, because people from NJ hate their own state. As an aside, I think this self-hatred and desire to latch onto a big city for identity shows in our feelings towards Rutgers Football as well. When I used to meet people, especially when I was younger, I would advise people I lived “right outside New York.” I don’t even think I used the words “New” or “Jersey.” I guess the Nets need to move to Brooklyn to get some love because New Jerseyeans will never embrace a sports team as their own because of their own NJ identity issues.

New York Icons / Random Notes 11.21.10

2010-11-21T08:47:00.003-05:00

1) New York Icons

Howard Stern is running out of time in his current contract with Sirius Radio. Last week, he did two amazing interviews with Jay-Z and Billy Joel. Great radio. The interviews were sincere, candid, and compelling. Both Jay-Z and Billy answered Howard's questions openly and thoroughly, and answered questions about their creative process. Jay-Z is promoting a book, and the interview served its purpose as I'd love to read the book now. The Billy Joel session made me realize just how talented Billy Joel is, regardless of whether or not his music is your cup of tea. (I'd say the same about Jay-Z, except I already realized how talented he is.)

Overall, I reflected on the fact that these three figures were so compelling, as all three truly are New York icons. All three were born and raised in New York. All three are icons for our generation (maybe Billy Joel a little earlier than us), and all three have built their legacies on their own terms. None of the three are conventional, and none of the three sound like people we'd heard before them. They are all influential and have rich careers that have lasted years. All three still work and reside in New York primarily. To me, they are three people that are unquestionably different facets of New York People, who did it their way.

2) Derek Jeter

Recently, our own blogger Moon was on Facebook lamenting the treatment of Derek Jeter by the New York Yankees. Moon feels like Derek Jeter is a New York icon as well, and the Yankees are doing him a disservice by not treating him as such. Has Derek Jeter earned a substantial contract extension that might be a "thank you" of sorts for being the face of the franchise for so long?

3) Randomness...

(a) Blake Griffin absolutely shit on the Knicks last night, even though the Knicks won. These highlights rank up there with the athletic dunks of Dwight Howard, Shawn Kemp, etc... He is worth the hype and we can probably give him Rookie of the Year right now. Some manly shit from a guy with an un-manly first name.

(b) Your own WCF is laying down the groundwork to go back to school for a Ph.D. I do not want to reveal the details yet (superstitious, until it all works out), but stay tuned.

(c) Would any of your Teaneckites consider raising your family and settling in Teaneck? All of us seem pretty attached to Teaneck... why did most of us move to other places? Thanksgiving makes me think about how all of us attempt to reunite even as we have entered our 30s... and therefore that the allure of meeting up in our hometown still pulls at all of us... and I am bummed out that my knee keeps me from participating in the annual Toilet Bowl football game.

Bold and Not-So-Bold NBA Predictions

2010-11-04T10:10:00.002-04:00

1. Brook Lopez will be an all-star in a break out year.
2. Rajon Rondo will be the starting PG for the eastern conference
3. The Knicks will not make the playoffs with their current roster
4. The Cavs will not make the playoffs either.
5. The Lakers will cruise to the NBA finals.
6. Carmelo will not be traded before the end of the NBA season
7. The Bulls will not make it to the Eastern Conference Finals
8. The Bucks will be over .500
9. The Jazz will win fewer games this year than last year.
10.The Heat will win a lot of games.
11. The Magic will not make it out of the East.
12. John Wall and Blake Griffin will be co-winners of Rookie of the Year.
13. The Hawks will win fewer games this year than last.
14. The Celtics will win more games this year than last.
15. Michael Beasley has a good statistical year despite the Wolves sucking ass.
16. Kevin Garnett is back to old form!
17. People still boo Lebron, but dies down by season end (outside of Cleveland, NY).
18. 1st team all NBA at the end of the year will be- Howard-Durant-Lebron-Kobe-Rondo
19. The Nets make the playoffs, and then get swept!
20 The Celtics win the whole thing in a hard fought series with the Lakers!

We Believe in Nothing!

2010-11-01T10:48:00.002-04:00

The above quote is from the Big Lebowski regarding Nihilism, in case anybody missed that one. Anyway, the point of this post is about Tea Baggers. No, I’m not talking about some of nice girls with that I hung out with at Rutgers (HY), but the Tea Party Movement. It’s pretty easy to write a post bad mouthing the Tea Party, but that it is not my intention. I actually have been curious who the Tea Party is and what they stand for. I’ve concluded, like they are akin to Nihilists in Lebowski, “They believe in nothing!”

It appears, as best as I can understand it, they actually want to represent and be the party of anger. That’s right; above all, they want to be the party that is angry. I guess it’s like the Megadeath album “Peace sells, but who’s buying?” According to CBS, “Fifty-three percent of Tea Party supporters describe themselves as ‘angry.’" Wow, what a selling point (obviously sarcastic).

Apparently, the Tea Baggers are primarily mad about government spending. Well, that’s a perfectly logical ideology, but, I’m still trying to figure out what spending they are so opposed to. The only concrete spending item that it seems that Tea Baggers are opposed to is, healthcare spending. According to the same CBS poll “Asked what they are most angry about, the top four answers among Tea Party supporters who identify as angry was the health care reform bill (16 percent).” Aside from the health care bill, they really don’t seem to have one concrete spending item that they would like to cut. They also seemed to be opposed to Entitlement Programs like TANF.

Oddly enough, they seem to support Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and the Defense spending. A few facts about these programs that the Tea Party supports…. According to the ever reliable Wikipedia…federal spending for FY 2010 (that’s Fiscal Year) is $3.55 trillion. Yes, that’s a big number. But, by far the largest mandatory spending expense is social security, with payments topping out at $677.85 billion. The second largest mandatory expense on a single program is Medicaid at $571 billion, followed my Medicare at $453 billion. Now, I’m no math whiz but that’s well over a third of the entire spending of the Federal Government. Now, the highest discretionary spending program is the Department of Defense, at $663.7 billion. To give some comparisons on how much is spent on Defense, Health and Human Services is the next largest Discretionary spending program at $77.7 billion, including in that budget is TANF. TANF is the largest, what tea Baggers would call “welfare”, federal program, that they are opposed to. TANF spent only $17.059 million last year. That’s right, not billion, million! When you add up the four programs the Tea Baggers want to spend money on (Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and Defense) you are well over a half of all spending. As an aside, other big spending programs of the Federal Government are paying interest on debt which accounts for $164 billion.

So, to summarize, you’re angry because we spend too much, yet the only program they seem to want to cut for the next budget is (TANF) at $17 million of the $ 3.55 trillion that the government spends. That’s the whole crux of the tea party!

I get it. You’re angry! I can understand that, I really can. People want to know why the work so hard yet have nothing or little to show for it. They want to think that someone is stealing their money. The easiest to blame, poor people! But believe me; poor people are not stealing your money, well not any significant portion anyway.

As an adult, you need to be able to express ideas, and provide solutions to real problems. Being angry, in itself, is not really a political position. You need to have some beliefs. I don’t like to pay taxes either. However, I still would not agree to cut many programs, but it appears, neither will the Tea Baggers! Yet, it is this idea of cutting spending that the Tea Party is based on. Until I hear what the Baggers want to cut spending on, real things like, “I do not support Social Security and I would not have tax money support Social Security (for example). Social security should be phased out on such and such a date…” Tea Baggers need to shut up, because their position simply makes no sense. Their belief system is based on nothing. Until they say what they want to cut spending on, the party has no point! It appears to me, the whole party is all anger mixed with smoke and mirrors.

Walt and family....

2010-10-28T16:41:00.000-04:00

....as Halloween characters

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

It's halloween time....

2010-10-27T08:40:00.000-04:00

My family....

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

My New Neighbor

2010-10-26T16:28:00.001-04:00

I was walking down the street this past Sunday, observing that my fairly new white shoes were scuffed. I was looking at how deep the scuff marks were. Incidentally, I was on my way food shopping and was walking with my food cart. I was just a few blocks from home when I felt a presence standing next me. It felt too small to be a tree but too large to be an ordinary person. I stopped walking and looked to my left. I was staring right into someone’s chest. Now, I’m approximately 6’feet tall, so for this person to be a least a foot taller and much wider than me says something. As my eyes made my way up his body to his face I stopped cold. I looked at his face and realized who it was … Shaq!

That’s right Shaquille O’Neal, who joined the Celtics this season, was standing on the street corner, literally a foot away. There was no crowd, just me, Shaq and a guy moving boxes out of a nice SUV. I didn’t really know what to say, so, I just stared at him. I was a bit star struck. It was a little uncomfortable, but I’m sure something Shaq is used to people staring at him. He looked down at me and I looked up at him. There was a very long pause. Shaq then commanded me, “Don’t tell anyone where I live or I’ll kill you.” He pointed his long finger at me. Shaq then gave that goofy Shaq smile. I then explained to Shaq that I was Knicks fan who would be rooting for Celtics this year. I inquired if he the Celtics would beat the Lakers, as I was not a fan of the Lakers. Shaq assured me that the Celtics would win, “Oh yeah, you can bet on it” he stated flatly.

I then stood there while Shaq joked with the guy who was moving stuff into his place from the SUV. I didn’t know what to say so I just stared. There really was not much else to say. As I started to walk away I quickly grabbed my phone and snapped a few pictures (see above).

I wish there was more to the story, like Shaq and I played one-on-one a la the Dave Chappelle Prince Story. Or, Shaq invited me in for a beer and I hung with Garnett, Rondo, Allen, and Pierce. Or, Shaq inquired what type of defense I think the Celtics should use against the Heat. But, that was it. Just a Shaq sighting and a few quick words. I called a few friends to relay the story and continued on with my day.

The Hobo Con Queso Friends Series 2.1: WCF and MMG, the meeting

2010-10-22T11:52:00.001-04:00

From left to right: MMG, Melissa (?), Walt "Clyde" Frazier, and soon-to-be-named "Sparkles" in a classic "before-and-after" picture

The following is a brief history of how I met MMG, who is, in name at least, a co-author of this blog.

My family moved to Teaneck in the spring of 1985 from the neighboring Borough of Ridgefield Park. I was therefore a new student more than halfway through the year of 3rd grade. Another student, Jesse, also was new to school around the same time. So naturally, Jesse and I became friendly. But, I was soon to encounter what my 3rd grade mind perceived as the upper brass of the grade.

This strapping young boy who had a certain je ne sais quoi used to pal around with another boy named Andy B, who was a big academic competitor at that age for me, and sort of a friendly rivalry developed between us. One day I was out in the hallway for some reason, and Andy B came by with this other kid. Andy B said, "Walt, this is Matt. Matt, this is Walt."

I looked at Matt who was glaring at me with contempt in his eyes.

He curtly said, "Why are you wearing a sweatshirt with shorts?"

I looked down at my clothes. Indeed, I was wearing shorts and a sweatshirt. "Why, should I not be wearing that?"

"Well, it's just a bit uneven."

With that, Matt turned on his heel and walked away with Andy B. My father had often donned the sweatshirt / shorts combination for cool fall or spring weather, which I still endorse to this day - your legs are cold, but it doesn't matter if your torso is warm - so it's a versatile look. I didn't think anything was wrong with it.

However, shortly thereafter, Matt and I started to develop a friendly rivalry as well. Matt lived a couple of blocks away from the elementary school and we would hang out at his house. Many ups and downs were to come...

______________________

To be followed by 2.2: WCF and MMG, the Wonder Years

The Hobo Con Queso Friends Series 1.1: WCF and Daffy, The High School Years

2010-10-17T12:36:00.001-04:00

From left to right:

Random Girl, Random Girl, Walt "Clyde" Frazier, Daffy.

A few years and a few pounds ago (for both of us).

The following is Part I in a series of the history of my (WCF) friendships. A while ago I wrote about needing ideas for things to write about, and doing a brief history of my friendships seemed to be a topic that interested a few of our many readers.

First, I will feature a three-part series about my relationship with Daffy, otherwise known as Glaffney, Traffney, etc... Today's issue is Chapter 1: The High School Years.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The High School Years:

It was the fall of 1993. I was a junior at Teaneck High School. I was in Spanish II with a relatively young teacher, Ms. Torres. She had little control of the behavior of some of the clowns in her class.

Among these clowns was a tall, skinny guy who sat in the back of the room. Every day, he would wait until Ms. Torres started her class and then demonstratively fold his Bergen Record to the crossword section. He would also crack up the kid who sat next to him by doing things like quietly, in his now-famous deep voice, say things like "1...2....red...penis...Q..." as the teacher would ask us to count, in unison, "Uno... dos... tres..."

As a restless teenager looking for any distraction in class, this guy intrigued me. Despite never having done crosswords before, I started to bring in my crossword puzzle from the Bergen Record and do them each day as well. One day, I sat near him in class and started to ask him things like, "Hey, what did you get for 38 across?" We quickly became friendly. He told me his name was Matt.

We started chatting and we found out that we both liked to play pick-up basketball. I said, "Well, at the Jewish Center in Teaneck, there's a pick-up game of basketball that I plan in on most Tuesdays. A bunch of guys come down and play. Do you want to come with me?" He did, and I brought him down to the gym. In his first game, he made about 8 three-pointers. We bonded right away.

Shortly thereafter, Matt informed me that his parents were going to Baltimore to see the new Camden Yards stadium and were staying over. His parents had permitted him to bring a friend. Would I like to join him? Yes, of course I would. I went with Matt and his parents to Baltimore. Being a girl-crazy teenager, I remember one incident from this trip more than any other - we went to the jacuzzi that the hotel had, and there were a couple of girls roughly our age in the pool. We were too insecure to go talk to them - because what else would we do?

Anyway, we started hanging out often. At lunchtime we would go to my house, as it was only a block and a half from the school, and shooting baskets. Matt was on the bowling team, and I would go to some of his games. We cruised around town together. Joeislav, co-author of the blog, had been friends with Matt when they were younger, and the three of us soon started to pal around together often. Matt started to meet my brother, Beer-on-the-Girl, and my other friends, and became one of the group.

Daffy enters my bedroom, one month before graduating THS.

The only wrinkle on our friendship in high school came during our senior year. We each had a cheap car that we tooled around town in. My car was in the shop and Daffy offered me a ride to my job at a dry cleaners on Cedar Lane, which Google Maps told me was 0.9 miles and a 16 minute walk. Not too daunting, except that for some inexplicable reason I loved to wear these penny loafers with no socks my senior year, and 0.9 miles each way was a long walk in those swishy shoes.

I met Daffy in our designated place near the school, at which point I could tell there was a problem. Daffy said, "Umm... my sister is getting a ride with us, and some of her friends wanted a ride as well." I looked to see a couple of freshman girls approaching the car. "No problem, I'll crowd in with them. We'll be there in 5 minutes. We can pack in for 5 minutes." "Umm... well, I don't want them to be uncomfortable," came the response. Incredulous, I proceeded to exit the car and walk to work.

We didn't talk for several days. Daffy apologized to me, and we moved on with our friendship. Being two 17-year-old boys, I understood the things guys each other in the name of chasing girls down. We got over this issue and moved on.

As high school came to a close, Daffy and I remained extremely tight. We were two underachievers, and as our senior year (and senioritis) came to a close, we spent more and more time together. Daffy would sometimes cut whatever class he was supposed to be in to come to my gym class and play Ultimate Frisbee, as my gym teacher was his bowling coach. Throwing Frisbees, it turns out, was one of his numerous, random talents that would impress me over the years.

The summer after we met, I invited Matt to join my family in Cape Cod to our annual week vacation in North Truro, Mass. Daffy accepted and we enjoyed a week of teenage fun there as well. Matt was amazing at doing things like skipping rocks on the ocean, building campfires, etc... Matt quickly became friendly with my father and stepmother, and this Cape Cod tradition would continue for many summers to come. Additionally, a positive relationship continued to be built between Daffy and my family.

As high school came to a close, we realized that we were both attending local colleges in the fall and planned on being around often in the summer following high school, and the years to come. We would be thus be able to continue to play basketball at the park, go to local diners and fast food joints, chase girls, and just generally goof around together even after high school.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To be continued in 1.2: Chapter 2, The Late 90s: The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

Sports Are Great! But…

2010-10-13T14:02:00.002-04:00

I have a few complaints about sports.

First, sports have become too overanalyzed. I remember growing up that there was a bunch of pre-post game coverage of the big games, like the Superbowl, NBA Championship or World Series. But now, there is pre and post coverage of every meaningless game of every sport. There a fucking million analysts with little to no insight. We need to stop supporting the mindless drivel of excessive sports coverage (Jim Rome)!

By biggest pet peeve is meaningless statistics. There are two types of meaningless stats that bother me. The first pointless statistic is the ones that point out the obvious. For example, you will hear an announcer say “The Giants are 5-0 when Eli Manning throws for 400 yards and the Giants have at least 5 sacks.” Really? No shit? You mean to tell me that when you move the ball up the field well and stop the other team you tend to win? Wow, what a revelation! The other type of statistic is the arbitrary one. Occasionally in some pre-game shit you’ll hear something like “When Kevin Garnett scores with 8 minutes and 5 seconds in the first quarter the Celtics are 9-4.” Great! So how the fuck does this provide an insight or strategy?

Another thing that bothers me is the weekly countdown to game time. I don’t need to hear more about the above useless statistics or watch some fucker in Indianapolis grilling hotdogs and cooking ribs before the game.

The post game analysis has gone to far as well. Sportswriters and broadcasters are always trying to make sense of the game. One team just scored more than the other, usually because they accomplished their objective in the game, and the other team did not. One team shot better, or got more stops, that’s it! We don’t need to hear more analysis, especially, in sports like golf. You either hit the ball in the hole or you didn’t. No need for analysis. Often, after a game some broadcaster will come over to Phil Mickelson or whoever and say “So, tell us about the shot.” He made a put! What more is there to know?! Phil or whoever will respond with some generic, “Well I know I have strong competition on my heels so I tried to focus and sink the put in order to stay ahead.” Really?! You mean you weren’t trying to miss? Great insight (fart noise).

Yet another thing that bothers me is the maximization of TV time. The NBA is the worst in this regard but other sports due this as well. We don’t need a week off between games so we can have coverage of games outside of our conference. The NBA wonders why the rating are down, it’s because they’ve watered down the product.

And speaking of watering down the product, the changes in sports regarding decreasing contact and increasing scoring suck! In the NBA you can’t take charge anymore. Also, in the NBA, if you foul someone above breathing on them it’s a technical foul. And on that topic, this roughing the QB and punter in football sucks as well. A guy is in midair, jumping at the QB attempting to sack him and the QB decides to release it. The defenders really don’t know what to do and often, tries to avoid contact. What is the defender supposed to do; change direction in midair a la the Matrix?

The complaining to the officials and excessive celebrations are too much! In the NBA players whine for 10 minutes (Rasheed Wallace) after ever call. It slows down the game and nobody cares. In football, a guy will make a tackle on a running back that ran the ball for 5 yards. Often, the guy who made the tackle jumps up and down, does something strange like pretend to churn butter, and runs down the field like he won the superbowl. Calm down! It’s the 1st play of the 1st quarter and you didn’t do anything that great.

I love sports! But this shit has gone too far. I know this post makes me sound like part grandpa Walter part Annie Wilkes, but I needed to get this off my chest.

New Jersey Dissected

2010-10-06T12:24:00.002-04:00

Typical things said by New Jerseyans:

In South Jersey: "Where did you go to college?"
Me: "Rutgers - New Brunswick."
Them: "Oh, wow, all the way up in North Jersey, huh?"

In North Jersey: "I want to go to go to Six Flags, but it's all the way in South Jersey."

etc...

I am now 34 years old. I lived in North Jersey for the first 18 years of my life, in Central Jersey for the next 10 or 11, and South Jersey for the last 5 or so. People who have not lived in different parts of our great state, specifically in North and South Jersey, could generally use some clarification about the different regions of the state. So, I attempt to do so here. My ideas are open to suggestions and modifications.

I have divided the state into three regions which I will define: North Jersey, Central Jersey, and South Jersey. Then, I have further subdivided each region into 3 sections, for a total of 9 sections of New Jersey. Each has characteristics which I will attempt to describe as I define each region below.

North Jersey

Region 1: Northeast New Jersey

Includes:  Bergen County, most of Passaic County through Paterson and Paterson's western suburbs.

Characteristics:  Closely identifies with New York City and being New York suburbs. Most of area upper-middle class. Most ghetto area is Paterson but that isn't as bad as other ghetto areas of New Jersey. People tend to be suburban dwellers, liberal, and while being somewhat multi-cultural, most of the people with money are white. People are fairly ambitious and having your kids get into a good college is a necessity.

Region 2: Northwest New Jersey

Includes: certain portions of Western and Northern Passaic counties, Morris, Sussex, and Warren Counties. Certain portions of Northern Hunterdon County.

Characteristics: Area still pretty rural. Some suburban sprawl has sprouted up in various regions along Route 80 as people who work in New York City want more for their money, but still primarily small townie. Mainly working class, white, and more conservative than Region 1. De facto capital of Region 2: Morristown. Politically more conservative than Region 1.

Region 3: Urban Northeast New Jersey

Includes: Primarily Hudson, Union, and Essex Counties: cities like Newark, Elizabeth, Jersey City, and working class towns like West New York, Garfield, and Belleville.

Characteristics: Generally ranges from ghetto to working class. Area somewhat urban and faux urban like all the towns along Bergenline Avenue. Racially very mixed. Politically - liberal.

Central Jersey

Region 4: The Hub of New Jersey

Includes:  Most of Middlesex County and Somerset County, small parts of Northern Mercer County. New Brunswick, and large suburban towns like Edison, Piscataway, North / South / East Brunswick are all included.

Characteristics:  Large suburban towns (Edison is much larger than any town in Bergen County, for example). The Rutgers Campus New Brunswick is almost like the hub of New Jersey, geographically. People here lean more towards New York City over Philadelphia in terms of sports teams. People also ambitious and into getting into good colleges, etc..., but not as "Type-A" as Bergen County. A bit more of a mix of liberal and conservative people than Region #1. A surprising amount of local industry in the Somerset County area creates a middle-class environment.

Region 5: Trenton Area

Includes: Princeton, Trenton, most of Mercer and most of Hunterdon Counties.

Characteristics:  Ranges from nice, less developed areas in Hunterdon County (surprisingly expensive to live there), to the historic area of Princeton, and the developed area of Trenton. People here don't identify with North Jersey or South Jersey - in that regard, this is truly Central New Jersey. Mixed between conservative and liberal people. Surprisingly a large amount of local industry, like Region 4.

Region 6: The Jersey Shore, North

Includes:  Northern Jersey towns near shore like Sayreville, Marlboro, Freehold, shore towns like Asbury Park, Long Branch, etc... down to LBI. Toms River area. Primarily Monmouth and Ocean Counties. Six Flags (Jackson) also included here. Belmar, Sleazeside... you get the idea.

Characteristics:  More blue collar than region 4. Many people are working class and don't go to college. While some towns are not on the shore per se, people identify with the shore area, bars that Bruce Springsteen sings about, etc...

South Jersey

Region 7: Philly Suburbs

Includes: Burlington and Camden Counties, Northern Gloucester County.

Characteristics: Your typical South Jersey people. Loyal, salt-of-the-earth people, mostly working class with some rich exceptions. Love their Philly teams ferociously. Some newer suburban areas, some old towns near Philadelphia. Not as type-A as Region 1, despite its proximity to a big city.

Region 8: Rural South Jersey

Includes: Southern Gloucester County, Salem, Cumberland, and Western Atlantic County, small parts of Cape May county.

Characteristics:  One of the poorer regions of the state. Biggest towns are Hammonton and Vineland. Lots of working farms, lots of small towns that look like they are in Deliverance.

Region 9: The Jersey Shore, South

Includes: Southern Ocean County, Eastern Atlantic County, most of Cape May County.

Characteristics:  Includes Ocean City, Atlantic City, and Wildwood. Had to be separated from Region 6 as the shore cultures are distinctive. Ocean City boardwalk has exclusively Philadelphia gear, for example. Also included here are shore towns like Hamilton Township, Egg Harbor, etc... Casinos a source of income, but most people are working class and small-townie.

Teaneck Quote Game Part II

2010-10-05T14:21:00.001-04:00

1. Give me three examples!
2. Get off my shoes, bitch!
3. What are they doing here?
4. I have no clue.
5. Them seagulls are dirty animals; all they do is sit and shit.
6. Come on Mohammed!
7. Brian?!!
8. Joey did it!
9. Max Steel get out.
10.Yeah, and one who is 5’10 and diesel.

The Worst Knicks Moves of the 2000s

2010-10-04T10:55:00.000-04:00

Beer-on-the-Girl sent me a random article he found about the Top Ten worst moves the Knicks made in the 2000s, and while this is one random gie's opinion on the internet, nevertheless it's interesting to take this nightmarish walk down Memory Lane.

Recall that the Knicks were still good in 1999. In a strike-shortened season, the Knicks crept into the playoffs with the 8 seed, upset the Miami Heat on Allan Houston's bounce-of-the-rim-and-in running shot with the buzzer going off, and making it to the Finals with the Spurs and a young Tim Duncan trouncing them. Then, the 2000s started.

(By the way, for two gies (myself and BotG) that supposedly left the Knicks in our emotional rearview mirrors, we do spend a lot of time pontificating about them.)

Without further ado, the text from the article is below. I'm not sure I agree with the order, but nevertheless... by the way, in reference to #3, I love the joke that Isiah and co. drafted Balkman because they thought they were drafting Rolando Blackman.

10. Trading Trevor Ariza for Steve Francis

It's unfair to lay all the blame on Thomas on this one because it was Larry Brown who really pushed hard for this trade. New York had hoped that Francis was still one of the elite players in the NBA but when he came over to the Knicks, he was a shell of his former self. Francis averaged 11.3 points in his first full season with the team and was just another bad player with a bad contract on an awful Knicks team.

If that was not bad enough, Trevor Ariza has turned himself into a very good player. It did not work out in Orlando for Ariza but his career would finally get the jolt it needed when he was traded to the Los Angeles Lakers. Ariza's 2008-09 season, he played and started in a career high of 80 games and started in 20 post season games. He would be a huge reason why the Lakers would go on to win the championship last year as Ariza averaged 11.3 points and 4.2 rebounds and shot 50% from three-point range in the playoffs.

Ariza is now with Houston rockets while Francis is no longer in the league.

9. Drafting Jordan Hill

Hill only lasted half of his rookie season with the Knicks. He would then be dealt to the Houston Rockets as part of the Tracy McGrady deal. It was quite possibly one of the worst drat picks ever and it had nothing to do with Thomas and Layden.

With the huge need of a point guard, New York elected to draft Hill over Brandon Jennings. While Hill was keeping the bench warm, Jennings had himself a fine rookie season as he led the Bucks to a playoff berth and became the youngest player to ever score 55 points, collecting the second-highest total for a player under 21.

8. Trading Nene Hilario, Marcus Camby, and Mark Jackson to the Denver Nuggets for Antonio McDyess, Frank Williams, and Maciej Lampe

An arguement can be made that this one of the worst deals in NBA history but that might be too much. Camby and Nene made up a great frontcourt for the Nuggets that made them from a joke to contenders every year in the West.

McDyess would not play one game the following mseason as he fractured his kneecap during an exhibition game and would instantly turn this deal into a dud.

7. Trading Channing Frye and Steve Francis for Zach Randolph

It's not what they gave up but it's about what they got. Randolph is incredibly talented and a dominant scorer and rebounder, but his off-the-court issues and personality kept him from reaching superstardom with the Knicks.

The only positive in acquiring Randolph was that the Knicks were able to get rid of Steve Francis in that trade. Although it was also the deal that sent Channing Frye to Portland.

Randolph just never mixed well in New York and would only be around for a year and a month. When I come to think of it, Randolph doesn't mix well anywhere.

6. Acquiring Shandon Anderson and Howard Eisley

Scott Layden grew up thinking Shandon Anderson and Howard Eisley were, like, heroes. Maybe they were, once. They played for his dad in Utah and helped the Jazz to go to two straight NBA finals. But that was when they had the Hall of Fame duo of John Stockton and Karl Malone.

Layden would trade Glen Rice and get these two in the deal. It looked as if Layden was trying to build a team with those two but all they did was take up salary cap space. They got paid a combined 11 million per season and would get their contract extended to five year contracts?!?

When you mention these two names, Knicks fan just cringe because they really represent how awful the roster was during that time.

5. Drafting Michael Sweetney

Another bust of a first round pick for Knickerbockers. He was never in shape to play and never lived up to his lottery pick status. Did I mention that he was just plain horrible and taken ahead of David West and Josh Howard.

This makes the Knicks look particularly bad right here and it just gets worse.

4. Trading for Stephon Marbury

Marbury was Isiah Thomas’s first major acquisition as team president. Bringing the Coney Island product home had earned him instant credibility with Knicks fans, and Thomas stuck with Marbury over the ensuing years of disappointment. His courthouse performance and deteriorating play were only part of the problem.

Marbury constantly feuded with anyone that was in charge of the team. During the 2005-06 season Marbury feuded with head coach Larry Brown. Towards the end of that season, the Knicks' poor performance combined with Marbury's public spats with his coach led to a severe downfall in Marbury's popularity.

There was a big incident that involved Marbury and Isiah Thomas. Marbury would suddenly leave the team after learning that Thomas planned to remove him from the starting lineup. There were reports that Marbury and Thomas actually came to blows on the team plane, and that Marbury threatened to blackmail Thomas for taking him out of the starting lineup. Following the incident and Marbury's return to the team in after the one missed game, Knick fans consistently chanted "fire Isiah" at home games and constantly booed virtually all of the Knicks, especially Marbury.

Marbury may end being one of the most disliked and hated athletes in New York sports history. It was a great move when they got him but not too shocking that it turned out the way it did.

3. Drafting Ronaldo Balkman and Mardy Collins in the 2006 draft

You knew Renaldo Balkman was in trouble when he was booed the second David Stern announced his name. The move is still being booed.

Balkman was taken one spot ahead of Rajon Rondo, who would have been a great upgrade at point guard over Marbury.

Mardy Collins also wasn't very good, and he was taken 13 spots over Daniel Gibson. To think the Knicks could have had a nice young duo with Gibson and Rondo makes Knicks fans even more upset. Rondo has become one of the best all around point guards in the game and Gibson continues to hit big three pointers for the Cavs.

2. Trading lottery picks for Eddy Curry

It's debatable but this move can be looked at as the one that has ruined the Knicks franchise.

If you try to convince any Knicks fan Eddy Curry was good because in 2006-07 he averaged 19.5 ppg i, they'll say that it not enough. Also, when you're 6'11'' at center, you should be able to average more than 6 rebounds a game.

Forget the fact that he was unproductive and frequently had weight problems.

To get him, the Knicks gave up Tim Thomas and two first-round picks in 2006 and 2007. Two first round picks??????

The picks became the second-and ninth-overall picks, respectively.

Basically, the Knicks could have had the duo of LaMarcus Aldridge and Joakim Noah, rather than Renaldo Balkman and Wilson Chandler.

To top it all off, the Knicks have paid him 35 million dollars and are still paying him to be injured. Mike D'Antoni can't wait until the day this guy is off the team. He has no heart or desire to become a force in this league and the fans will be delighted when he is finally gone. A buy out of his contract should not be far behind.

1. Knicks trade Patrick Ewing to Seattle

The trade made the Knicks an NBA powerhouse to the laughing stock of the league.Patrick Ewing had one year left on his contract and the feeling was that the team would try one more run at the title with him and then let his contract come off the books. Instead, the team was scared that Ewing would become very unhappy star in his final year and didn't want to deal with all that drama.

So instead of gutting it out for one more year, the team panicked and made the move that is still hurting the team to this day. The trade was the Knicks sent Ewing to Seattle and Chris Dudley to Phoenix, and received Glen Rice, Luc Longley, Travis Knight, Vladimir Stepania, Lazaro Borrell, Vernon Maxwell, two first-round draft picks (from the Los Angeles Lakers and Seattle) and two second-round draft picks from Seattle.

In their first season without Ewing, New York was very competitive as they compiled a record of 48-34 and were the number 4 seed for the playoffs. But their trip to the playoffs was short lived as they were eliminated by Vince Carter and the Toronto Raptors in five games.

New York would never finish above .500 since that season and made things worse when they traded Glen Rice after one season for Shandon Anderson and Howard Eisley. So it turns out that New York traded their Hall of Fame center for two backups. Not a shock to anyone, the deal did not work out and the team has been trying to fix that mistake ever since. Instead of waiting out contracts to run out, the team just kept adding more salary and never gave themselves a chance to improve themselves.

I don't believe there has never been a deal that sunk a franchise so low for so long but that is exactly what happened. If you go on the street and ask 100 Knicks fans what they think was the downfall of the team, I promise you that 90-95 percent would point to this one move.

Eddy Sandman Part II and Leaving New York

2010-09-28T11:38:00.003-04:00

My brother Walt once remarked that Eddy Curry looks like Mr. Sandman from the video game Mike Tyson’s punch out (see pictures left<---). While this was a very funny observation, laughter over the tubby center has gone from mildly amusing, to outright anger, for the Knick devoted. I knew that I swore off New York for good reason, and the latest with Eddy goes to reinforce my decision to leave the Knicks behind. Eddy Curry is one useless piece of shit!

A week or two ago I was reading that Eddy had not attended some optional workouts. Now, if you know anything about Eddy, conditioning has been an underlying problem throughout his NBA tenure. Eddy apparently was missing and seen hanging out at the Jersey Shore (Eddy ‘Situation’). If this was not funny enough, Eddy said that he wanted a chance to prove himself and “spoke to coach about this.”

I was speaking with Moon yesterday who reminded me that Eddy, during training camp every year, pulls a muscle because he is so out of shape. Then, true to form, Moon informs me after we spoke he read that Eddy pulled his hamstring muscle and is out 4-6 weeks. A-Mazing!

Now, picture this… Your job is to play basketball, essentially stay in good shape. You are compensated roughly 14 million a year to stay in shape. You have a contract year coming up, and you are under the age of 30. Yet, for some inexplicable reason you won’t work out, eat like a pig, and get injured due to your lack of conditioning.

Eddy has gone from a joke to outright sad. General facts about Eddy… despite earning god knows how many millions from the NBA, is on the brink of bankruptcy. His limo driver accused him of making an uninvited gay pass at him. He was robbed at gun point in his own home. His career average for rebounding is around 5 a game despite being 7 feet tall and weighing 300 pounds. He was missing from workouts and hiding out at the Jersey Shore. And now, injured once again. Eddy, “Where is your pride, your dignity?” I think Eddy might have passed Al Harrington on my least favorite NBA player list.

And to top it off, the Knicks traded 80 million draft picks for this clown. And to even top that, the dickhead Isiah Thomas who made one of the worst deals in league history to bring this clown to New York, was wanted back from New York management! If that’s not enough to make you leave the Knicks, nothing will.

Teaneck Quote Game

2010-09-24T09:41:00.001-04:00

These are some all time great Teaneck quotes, from our group of friends obviously. Okay… Try to name who said it. Bonus if you can remember the original time it was said.

1. Keep it down! You’re not going to be the one who has to hear my parents shit in the morning!
2. We is very educated.
3. Blub. Blub. Blub.
4. Treemis what! You didn’t think I had it in me, did you?
5. Max don’t have sex with your ex.
6. Goddamn Jews!
7. Dennis, I’m hungry.
8. Send a dove.
9. Thurrrsssdaaayyyy!
10. Relax, calm down, and don’t break the screen.
11. That’s god punishing you for hooking up with too many bitches.
12. You either apologize to the lady, or we put your freaking head through the wall!
13. I’m sorry for calling you white trash.
14. Look at all the lollipops.
15. It is a-mazing.
16. Who is you?

There are many more, but I’m a little lazy this morning.

The New Ricky Vaughn

2010-09-22T12:20:00.002-04:00

The past few seasons I have loved to watch Brandon Jacobs. What made Jacobs great was his huge 260 pound frame, strength, and ability to run through people. I used to love to watch two or three guys trying to bring down Jacobs and Jacobs just carrying these people along like pre-school children. But, something terrible has happened to Jacobs and he now wants to be a finesse runner. His big ass is tiptoeing around trying to dance around defenders and it does not work!

Every week I feel like jumping into the TV and yelling at Jacobs “Stop! You’re not Barry Sanders!” The finesse style of running only works when you have speed and agility, and Brandon, foot speed did not get you to this point.

Not many people have seen Major League 2, but essentially the story is about Ricky Vaughn, a Major League Baseball pitcher, who made his career on a fastball in the first Major League changing himself in Major League 2. In the first Major League Ricky has a hard fastball and throws wild. Ricky had just been released from prison prior to joining the baseball team. Ricky is essentially a thug. Ricky is dubbed the “Wild Thing” because of his image as well as his wild pitching style. Now, in Part Deux, Ricky is dating some model, and she wants Ricky to think about his career. She makes him wear designer suits and insists that he have a nice haircut. She essentially domesticates Ricky. The girlfriend insists that he had a curveball and sinker to his pitching arsenal to add longevity to his career. Ricky gives the pitches stupid names like the “Eliminator.” Anyway, when Ricky throws these pitches people hit home runs left and right. Ricky realizes that he must return to his “Wild Thing” days and lose his new squeaky clean image. He goes back to being tough and throwing the fastball which works. So, it’s time, Brandon follow in suit of Ricky Vaughn, put your shoulder down and knock people over! Pick up 4-5 yards per carry by knocking people on their asses! Become the “Wild Thing” again!

I understand why Jacobs wanted to make a change. It’s got to be hard taking those hits and just lowering your shoulder into contact. But, in the words of my grandfather “That’s what you get paid to do!”

Writer's Block

2010-09-09T15:11:00.003-04:00

My (literal) to-do list has had "write a new blog post" on it for a while. I'm not sure what to write next. I have a bunch of ideas that I've been kicking around and wanting to write for sometime, but for some reason have not been able to build up the momentum to actually write about one yet. So, I'm throwing in the towel and I'm listing them below. I need to give myself incentive to write. Does anybody want to hear me expound on any of these topics (and if so, which one), and I will get to work:

- Why Kanye West is the important musical artist to debut since I've graduated high school
- The 10 greatest rock and roll groups of all time, to me, with reasons
- Why Oprah Winfrey could be president of the U.S. if she wanted to (including an anecdote about Michael Imperioli)
- Hockey, in general
- A "friend profile" about a random Teaneck friend - how we met, our history, etc...
- North, Central, and South Jersey - a profile of each - what constitutes each, characteristics of each, ...

Cape Cod

2010-09-03T11:01:00.004-04:00

(<--Pic from this year at the Cape. Gold, Me, Daff, and Max from left to right)

I have gone to Cape Cod for one week every year for at least the past 18 years (Or 17 years depending on who in my family you talk to). My family goes up in August and I always spend one week there. A lot of Boston people were surprised when I informed them that the Cape was the family’s vacation destination point being so far from my hometown in Northern, New Jersey. They thought that growing up and living in New Jersey, my family and I would choose a location to vacation that was closer to home. However, I don’t think they understand what makes the Cape so appealing.

For those who have not been to Cape Cod I’ll try to explain it, and in doing so, try to explain the appeal. Cape Cod is an island in the most eastern part of Massachusetts. It is a relatively narrow strip of land that extends from a base around a town called Buzzards Bay at the entrance of the island coming to point in the Northern tip a town called Provincetown.

My family always stayed in Truro, which is the town next to Provincetown. Much of the Cape lies within close proximity to beaches and the cottages that my family stayed in were right on the beach on the bayside of the Cape. If you drive across the highway (route 6) you are then on a beach on the ocean side of the Cape. Truro is a very narrow town, and only a few miles from the bay to the ocean side. I think the location of Truro was picked because the family who owns the cluster of cottages we stay at (Topside Cottages) has a connection to New Jersey and somehow knows my family.

The cottage itself is nothing special. It has two bedrooms and a large attic that contains four beds. There is no TV and it is pretty “basic.” There is no insulation in the walls and it is fairly small. However, the location of the cottage being on the beach, as well as close access to Provincetown, which is a tourist destination for: stores, whale watching, fishing, and other such activities, makes the location of Truro appealing.

The first year that we went to the Cape, when I was about 12, my dad advised me and my brother, who was about 15, that we were taking a family trip and that we could each bring one friend. We would leave real early like 6 am (ok that’s not that early but to a 12 year old in the summertime it’s early) to make the approximate 6 hour journey from North Jersey, across New York, Connecticut, and Rhode Island, to Massachusetts. The departure time was notable because at a young age I could not fathom the importance of driving to beat the traffic, and always thought my dad was a maniac for leaving so early. But after I got my license, I understood why we left so early. The traffic in August from New York to Massachusetts is brutal and leaving early allows you to drive with relatively less traffic.

The first year we went up I brought my best friend, Gold. My brother Walt brought co-blogger, Daffy. So, every year we went up, we could each bring one friend. I had a rotation of friends (Nino, Brandon, Cheese, and later Diesel) after Gold started working at a camp. Daffy was a mainstay. (Footnote: Daffy stayed every year the whole week until he had kids, except the years in high school that he left early because he missed his high school girlfriends. LMAO. What a clown).

That bring me to what we do at the Cape. Well, the activates during the day have been about the same since I was 13 until now (I’m 30). We go to the beach, swim, throw the Frisbee or football or whatever, fish, go to the ocean, and loaf around the cottage.

There would always be various chores like, setting the table, sweeping the cottage, doing the dishes, etc… Every year we would play cards on a daily basis, with the winner picking which chore he would like to do. The person who came in second would get second choice of chores and so on. The loser always wound up doing everyone’s dishes (there is no dishwasher in the cottage). This would often lead to someone, during the end of the card game, saying to the person in last place person, “Looks like you’re gonna have dishpan hands” or some other taunting remark. These remarks always added a little insult to injury when trailing far behind in points in a card game.

The nighttime activates have changed over the years. When we were teenagers we would have bonfires on the beach at night and just hang around the fire. As an aside, Daffy was the only one who actually knew how to make a fire that wouldn’t go out after ten minutes. So, we would sit outside around a fire at night and hang out with other random teenage beachgoers. Teenagers, who were usually there with their parents, would walk up and down the beach at night looking for something to get into. I think a large part of why we wanted to make fires was to attract girls. As we got a little older, alcohol was incorporated, as well as random hook-ups with teenage girls.

But, at the Cape you reach a certain age where it becomes a little weird (and borderline illegal) to hang out with teenagers on the beech especially if alcohol or other such activates are going on. I guess I was around 19-20 when I realized that hanging out in such an atmosphere might be somewhat questionable.

So, as I approached and obtained the legal drinking age (and got a fake ID) the bars in Provincetown became the destination. Provincetown has a main street with many stores, bars, and restaurants. Provincetown attracts a large gay population, as well as many artists. It has funky stores and sex shops. People just walk on the street and there is a mixture of local people (primarily gay and/or artists) and families (tourists). Many nights of drunken debauchery took place during those early, close-to-legal (with fake ID) and legal drinking years. If you click here… (I can’t believe it but I’m blocked at work from the site hence no link. I think there is a link from chuckjerry.com, go to great stories and then click on Daffy and the Transvestite) Chuck did a great re-telling of one such evening which I think is very illustrative of that time and this will give you some kind of idea as to what was going on during those years

Some years after all this craziness, I would get my own cottage, and would still go and hang out with my family at night when I was not at a restaurant or bar.

It’s hard to explain the primary reason why I look forward to the trip so much every year. There is nothing inheritably that great about the trip, but I always have a good time. The amenities are basic and certainly not a location one goes to in order to be pampered. I guess the appeal might be getting to spend time with the family, the nostalgia of the location or perhaps I enjoy the tranquility on the day in Truro and Provincetown at night. Probably the appeal is some combination of everything. In any event, I think it is a trip that I will make for years to come.

"You Can Act Like A Man!"

2010-08-30T16:11:00.003-04:00

Those who know me know that when I drink, I primarily drink Jack Daniels on the rocks. I believe this is a manly drink, primarily because I have never heard of a woman who drinks JD on the rocks. I have heard the legends of Janis Joplin and other women who would drink JD straight up, but most people admit, a woman drinking straight whiskey is a statistical anomaly, an outlier. So, all this got me thinking, what constitutes a manly drink as opposed to a girly drink?

I don’t know what distinguishes manly drinks from girly drinks entirely, but some drinks are just outright girly, no matter how you slice it! I think Cosmopolitans come to mind as the epitome of a girly drink. I don’t know all the characteristics of what makes a drink a girly drink and what makes other drinks manly, but I have some ideas. I think part of what makes a drink manly or girly is, how smooth the drink is. If a drink tastes like juice, fruit, or soda and there is no harshness (you can’t taste the alcohol), it’s generally considered girly. On the other hand, if a drink is harsh going down, it is commonly viewed as a manly drink. So, maybe harshness directly correlates to manliness. There must be other characteristics as well but I think there is some subjectivity to the rating of manly drinks.

I believe there are some drinks that are bi. The first examples that come to mind are Sangria and Margaritas, which, can be drunken by a man under the right circumstance (i.e. drinking a frozen margarita on the beach on vacation to me is somewhat exceptable). These drinks are fairly smooth and are not manly by any stretch. However, if a guy was to order a glass of Sangria at a Tapas bar I might not think him too girly. However, in my minds’ hierarchy he is less manly than me while drinking my JD on the rocks. And, if I was to overhear a guy ordering a Mai-Tai or Cosmo at a bar or anywhere (in the world for that matter), under any circumstance, he should literally takes his pants off, hand his pants and payment for the drink to the bartender, in turn, the bartender should hand the man his Cosmo and a skirt to wear for the entire evening. Then, Marlon Brando should appear and shake that man and yell “You can act like a man!” After that, Marlon Brando should smack the man in the face!

For all the devoted Hobo Con Queso readers (all eight of you) I need some assistance in ranking the below list of drinks in determining how girly, on a scale from 1-Being the Most Manly and 10-Being you are a girl if drink this, on the list below.

1. White Russian
2. Rum and Coke
3. Gin and Tonic
4. Jager shots
5. Mai Tai
6. Martini
7. Mike’s Hard Lemonade.
8. Sangria
9. Margarita (Frozen)
10. Mad Dog 20/20
11. Margarita on the rocks
12. Strawberry Daiquiri
13. Vodka and Cranberry
14. Purple Motherfucker shots (or anything else winit made us do shots of.)
15. Boones

Also- Help me with using the same scale to rank these beers.

1. Heineken
2. Corona
3. Sam Adams
4. Guinness
5. Coors
6. Coors Light
7. Pabst Blue Ribbon
8. Bud
9. Bud Light
10. Miller
11. Miller Lite
12. Magic Hat
13. Anchor Steam
14. Killians

Flippin Tokens To Hoboken

2010-08-22T13:02:00.002-04:00

It was four summers ago (2006) that both Guiney brothers got married. Their bachelor parties were in NYC.

I found this exact subway token somewhere and figured, hey, I rarely go to NYC, so why not bring it? I'd probably need to ride the subway somewhere during this bachelor party, and why not save a buck or two?

I brought it to the bar where we were meeting up and at some point procured the token. I was ridiculed immediately by the NYC-dwelling folk for thinking that such an antiquated item would still be accepted in the NYC token. Many jokes were made at my expense. The moment came and went without incident. For some reason, I pocketed the token. And never did anything with it. And for some reason, I didn't throw it out when I got home.

So today I have thrown it out, but not before scanning it and posting it here.

This post doesn't have much of a point beyond that. Although, now I am wondering, is it kind of sad and nostalgic that there are no such thing as subway tokens (or, for that matter, slot machines that you put actual coins into)? Or, is it just an inconvenience to have had to carry change around for such things, that is thankfully not so anymore? And, let's be honest, pocket change of U.S. currency is becoming pretty much obsolete in today's world.

The Pick Up Artist

2010-08-13T08:23:00.004-04:00

The purpose of this post is not about that horrible show on TV with the same name as this post nor does the title refer to me. The purpose of this post is to talk about what men should do to successfully pick up women at bars. I want to put a disclaimer on this post, that I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a master in the category of picking up women, nor do I pick up women anymore as I am very happy in a committed monogamous relationship. That being said, I want to delve a little into this topic that I have given much thought to, both in my single days attempting to pick up women in bars, as well as observing men attempting to pick up women in bars. This post refers to men in their 20’s and 30’s trying to pick up women at bars in the same age bracket. Overall, I think there are certain prescribed things that men should do in order to successfully pick up women at bars.

The first major thing that men need to do to increase their chances of picking up women at bars is to go out with the correct number of people. Some claim going it alone is appealing, but if you have tried to pick up a woman alone at a bar, then you know the difficulty in this. Women tend to go out in small groups, so if you do try to pick a woman alone, and start to have some success with a woman at a bar, a common question is, “who are you here with?” If you say alone, I think you look like a weirdo who might attempt to kill the woman who you are talking to. So, it’s hard going it alone, but there comes a point, if you have too many people, it can just be flat out intimidating. Since women tend to go in groups of 3-4 people, I think men should mirror approximately this number and go out with that many.

This leads right into my next point. You need to be real careful in who you pick to go out with to pick up women. Keep in mind, the people you pick for this activity might not be your close friends either. Generally, anybody who is too aggressive or too passive should not go with you for such an endeavor. Pick friends who are willing to make a fool of themselves, but also somewhat attractive. Also, and this is a sidebar, but I think if you are going to a place with primarily white women, it’s good to have one or two black or hispanic friends with you. It helps the white man in that you seem like you’re a down person, and helps your black or spanish friend, in that the white person represents something familiar/safe to the girl (if she is white girl). As Moon pointed out to me, “It’s a perfect symbiotic relationship.” The white man is the familiar and safe, the black or spanish man is something exotic and exciting.

Next, comes defining the roles of your group. There are three basic roles: the “opener,” “middle man” and “closer.” Each role requires a specific skill set. Now, any single person can have more than one role, but you need to make sure that someone in the group can cover each of these areas. I’ll take these roles one at a time.

The “opener” is as the name implies. He is going to make introductions and start the conversation and contact. This person needs to be able to intrigue yet not intimidate a group a women. I admire this skill, as I am terrible at this. My brother Walt, or Diesel are perfect openers. There is something non-threatening about them, yet makes a woman just want to talk or get to know the group of guys. By the way, all my attempts at opening have been a complete and utter failure as I never know what to say.

Then, you have your “middle man.” This guy will pick up right where the “opener” leaves off. This person is usually the character in the group. He is able to tell stories and jokes seemingly at will and really gets the new group of guys and girls interacting, like an MMG type. He suggests rounds of drinks and makes everyone feel at ease, and ensures that everyone is having a good time. If there are any lulls in conversation, the “middle man” needs to pick up the group by saying something funny or witty. This person needs to be comfortable in the spotlight.

Last, but not least, you have the “closer.” The “closer” needs to start assessing the situation for a possible “closure” when the “middle man” is doing his thing. His main job is to work on the ever important “transition plan.” He needs to make some sort of smooth transition from the bar to future plans, whether the plans are later that evening or at some point in the future. The “closer” has to be a good observer and should also cut off the “middle man” if things don’t seem to be going well. The “closer” can’t say something like “let’s all leave the bar and hook up at my house.” The “closer” will suggest activates like “after this let’s grab a bite to eat.” The “closer” will find out information like “what’s going on tomorrow” with any set of girls in a subtle way, where the women don’t even realize they are being assessed.

An important note is once you see things are not going well, at any point, retreat! I mean throw up the white flag and get out of there. There is a common rookie mistake, to think that a girl who has no interest in you will eventually be charmed by something you do or say and then fall for you. It never works! They know, just like you, if they are interested or not from the first 20 seconds. So, if you hear something or the body language is off, move on to another group of women.

Although these are three separate roles, one person can take on more than one role, and also, one person can double up on a role, but you need to ensure that all the bases are covered.

I would be remiss to have a post on picking up women at bars with your friends and not bring up the importance of being a team player. Some refer to this as being the “wingman,” a role in which every guy should be willing to fill. A “wingman” as most people know will keep the additional friends of the targeted girl in a group occupied so the interested party can maneuver on the targeted girl. A good “wingman” must be willing to dance and converse with any girl, despite their own level of interest. Being the “wingman” often means sacrificing for the good on the group, and everyone must be willing to play this role sometimes or else you’re a douche.

The last thing I think that needs to be mentioned is often, you have to engage in behaviors that are simply not fun in the attempt of picking up women. Primarily this includes going to places with loud, stupid music. Or, dancing like a goofball to such stated music. Also, laughing when a woman makes a joke you don’t think is funny falls into this category. This all feels stupid while doing off but the trade off is well worth it.

All of this advice will greatly increase your chances of picking up a woman at a bar. Like I said, I’m not an expert in this at all, but having had some success in picking up women and observing these behaviors for a long time allows me to offer a little advice.

The Grille

2010-08-09T12:31:00.002-04:00

Even after going away to college at Rutgers, and recently moving to Boston there are always certain things that I really enjoy about returning to my hometown of Teaneck, NJ. Although Teaneck is not unlike many of its surrounding towns in Northern New Jersey, certain local: spots, sights, and sounds are unique to the town. Ok, I digress but this post it starting to sound like the start of a Wonder Years episode, but, back to the point. What I enjoy about going home, aside from seeing family or having beers at the local bars of Vinny O’s or the Cottage Car, is the particular culinary delights that are unique to Teaneck. Some of the local foods from local eateries that I enjoy when going home are: Hobo’s con queso from Five Star (obviously, hence the name of this blog), Bischoffs ice cream, chicken parmesan hero’s from Victor’s Pizzeria, and going to the Cedar Lane Grille for just about anything.

So, a few weeks ago, I was passing through Teaneck on my way to the Jersey Shore with my girlfriend for a wedding. I informed my brother Walt, and my mother, that I would be stopping through and would like to see them on my way to the shore. I informed them that I was going to go to Victor’s for a chicken parmesan hero, and following, I would like to go to the Grille for a cup of coffee. The trip to Victor’s was uneventful, as was the trip to the Grille. However, I noticed something at the Grille that I had also noticed my last few trips. What I noticed was we (my girlfriend, Walt, and mother) were the only people there!

Now, for those who have not been to the Cedar Lane Grille, let me step back and explain the Grille. The Grille is a local diner, similar to many other diners in North Jersey, located in my hometown of Teaneck, NJ. I guess a couple of unique things about the Grille stand out. The first unique thing (which my girlfriend pointed out and I never noticed) is the Grille has curtains, old fashioned curtains at that, like the kind you would find in an old lady’s home. Another thing is, the Grille has a mini Jukebox at each table (not unique) but does not work (which is unique) and has not worked for at least 10 years from what I can recall, yet they don’t remove the boxes from the tables, nor attempt to repair them. So, the Grille is like most diners in any town, with it's little quirks, and also has something friendly and home feeling about it, to me. The Grille serves diner food: cheeseburgers, sandwiches, omelets, you know, the usual diner food. There is nothing great or bad about the food, just kind of bland diner food.

For years, the Grille seemed to signify the end of an evening of hanging out with friends. In high school, after hanging out somewhere, it seemed to end a lot of evenings. Everyone would meet there and we would order whatever: french fries, a chocolate shake, drink coffee, or smoke a couple of cigarettes and just hang out there. It also was not uncommon to see other groups of high schoolers, people not in our click of friends, but people you knew from town to say hello to. Even post college, whenever I would go out and drink or hang out in town, the Grille seemed to end most evening. The waiter (Pete), owner (Greek guy), and random local people sightings were just part of the regular Grille experience.

The Grille never seemed to be packed, nor was it ever really empty during high school, college, and just post college years. It seemed that a large portion of the clientele was people in our age bracket (15-24). However, it seems like times have changed for the Grille. Now, the Grille just does not have the customer base it once had.

My mother informed me whenever she drives by the Grille the parking lot is empty. She suggested that they upgrade the inside; however, I don’t know that any renovations would attract a crop of new clientele. Another suggestion was that the aberration in business was a reflection of the current economic downturn. I even thought, for a second, that the change in the smoking’s laws and the inability to sit and smoke may be causing the downturn in business. Or perhaps, an increase in chain restaurants and movement away from mom and pop restaurants was affecting the Grille’s business. But, after reflection, it seems to me that it’s something else.

It seems to me that the Grille worked for our friends, and we (our demographic group) were the bread and butter (pun intended) of their customer base. It appealed to our group of friends as an attractive place for a suburban hangout, a place that appealed to us for many reasons. I think there was some sort of sense of freedom initially when going to the Grille in high school. When our group of friends first got our licenses and would go out to eat, without our parents, it was grown up for us in a way. Since it was not that close to any one of our houses, you would drive there. It was close enough to drive, yet far enough to be away from home. For suburban kids who just got their license and first cars (or borrowed your parents), it was a place to convene. Then during and just post college, it was a meeting ground for people who you did not stay in regular touch with.

I think the main problem, for the Grille, as one of my friends who has stayed in town said to me is, “the town has changed.” There is a larger Jewish population and also an “urbanization” of the population of the kids who attend school in town. This polarization and changing demographics particularly in the stated age group are what I’m referring to regarding the major change. Since the demographics have had a shift, as well as socioeconomic makeup of the town, this, I think is what impacts the Grille more than any other single factor. The Jewish kids by and large never went to the Grille. BTW, when I say “Jewish kids” I’m not referring to the people of the Jewish faith of our group of friends who we hang out with, but the more religious ones who do attend religious schools and do not associate much outside of that community. Also, for the more “urban” kids, the one’s more into the hip-hop culture, whether White, Black, or Spanish, never really got into hanging out a local diner and ordering fries. The rise of both these populations in town I think coincides with the demise of the Grille.

I have fond memories of the Grille, from friends of mine picking fights, to drunken french fry throwing at 2 in the morning. I’m not overly concerned about the demise of the popularity of the Grille nor am I concerned about its grim outlook. I just thought that the empty Grille symbolized something about the change in my hometown and maybe a little feeling of nostalgia about those years.

Jersey Shore Season 2 (I’m Going to the Jersey Shore Bitch!)

2010-07-27T15:15:00.003-04:00

I know not all of my co-bloggers share my enthusiasm for the upcoming Jersey Shore Season 2 debut this Thursday (07/29/10) night. But, I have to say, I can’t wait!

For those who have not tried watching this masterpiece of a show, I employ you, give it a try. If you have not watched it, I assume you’re going to argue that you don’t watch the show because it is stupid, mindless entertainment. My response is, yes it is, and it is the best in stupid and mindless entertainment. Some shit in life needs to be completely silly and light, that it what the Jersey Shore is. Being every author (and probable reader) on this blog is from Jersey, we all know guys and girls like this. The fun of the show is, you can see it and be a part of it, but also be removed from it.

My advice in watching the show is to think to of the show as a social satire. The show is a total mock of our societal values, from our obsession with looks (fake tanning) to our quest for love. I know it may feel silly watching a bunch of idiots: hang out, get drunk, fight, and “hook up”, but it truly is the best in mindless entertainment.

In case you missed it, my recap of season 1 (from the best of my recollection): 4 guys and 4 girls, self admitted guidos and guidettes who don’t know each other are sharing a house at the Jersey Shore, specifically Seaside NJ. The cast members have to work in shifts at a nearby T-shirt shop in exchange for staying at the house. At the onset of the show, cast member Mike “The Situation” flirts with and seems to develop a crush on cast member Sammi “Sweetheart”, another cohabitator of the house. After “Sweetheart” shows initial interest in “Situation” she starts to fall romantically for another cast member Ronnie (no nickname). Ronnie and “Sweetheart” develop a relationship over the course of their stay in the house. Ronnie and Sammi experience various relationship turmoil as other opportunities to meet other potential mates present themselves (once again at clubs at the Jersey Shore).

Meanwhile, Angelina, another cast member, who is involved in a relationship with a married man, gets dumped by stated man on like the 2nd or 3rd episode and she leaves the show for the season. “Situation” and another cast member Paul “DJ Pauly D” meet various girls out at the local clubs for the rest of the season and their quest to “hook up” with random girls is well documented. Cast member Nicole “Snooki” looks for a guy to “hook up with” all season and is not successful in finding an appropriate suitor. “Snooki” describes her ideal suitor as being a “typical guido.” Cast member Jennifer “Jwoww” has a steady boyfriend who is not on the show. “Jwoww” hooks up with “DJ Pauly D” admits her infidelity to her at home boyfriend, who then reconcile. She does not stray from her relationship for the rest of the season.

Tension begins to build in the house as cast member Vinny (No nickname) gets romantically involved with “Situation’s” sister who visits the home on an occasion. Tension also mounts for “Situation” and cast members Ronnie and “Sweetheart” as “Situation” appears to be jealous that “Sweetheart” chooses Ronnie over him (“Situation”). Tempers even flare between “Situation” and “Jwoww” over an occurrence at a nightclub in Atlantic City.

At the end of the season, Ronnie (despite being arrested for punching someone at the Jersey Shore) and “Sweetheart” remain together. “Situation” appears to make amends with most of his house mates. “Jwoww” continues her relationship with her at home boyfriend. Vinny and “Situation’s” sister’s relationship comes to an end. And “Snooki” never finds love.

Season 2 takes place in Miami with all original cast members signing on for the season. Previews show that Vinny and “Snooki” may have a brief affair. Also, we see “Sweetheart” and “Jwoww” come to fisticuffs with what appears to be some kind of fight over Ronnie.

Can’t wait for Thursday….

Glory Days... Glory Daaaaaaayyyyyyss!! (Well they'll pass you by)

2010-07-24T09:36:00.005-04:00

Evan recently wrote that, like an abused spouse, one needs to cut themselves off from the Knicks in order to protect oneself emotionally. I couldn't agree more, and came to that conclusion some years ago.

However...

Aren't we allowed to look at photos or videos now and then and remember what the good times were like? Are we entering the dangerous trap of allowing oneself to reminisce and thus re-opening that scar tissue?

I must. (Isn't YouTube great?) Partly for nostalgia sake, but partly to look back on better days in the NBA. Days of true hatred and passion, cold-hearted bad-ass "villians" like Reggie Miller, and gritty, kick-ass teams like the Knicks.

I was a senior in high school. It was spring of 1994. The Knicks were great. Jordan retired and the door was open for a championship. The Knicks got to the Eastern Conference semi-finals and first beat those pesky Bulls who put a righteous scare into them...

Can you imagine the level of emotional devastation we all would have felt if the Knicks lost to the Bulls sans Jordan? It could've happened.

The Eastern Conference Finals brought the Indiana Pacers. Reggie Miller did this in Game 5.

Fucking amazing. That is the definition of "on fire". In particular, that long 3 at 5:40 takes some fucking balls to take. But we were triumphant:

Finally, in the midst of the O.J. insanity, the Rockets finally did us in. It was bittersweet, to come so close and come up short. How short did we come up? This short:

(sigh)... Will I ever love a team again like those Knicks teams?

"Quadruple Who"

2010-07-16T09:58:00.005-04:00

... or "Why The Knicks Ownership Is More Incompetent Than Mr. Bean"

Could it get worse than this? Oh yeah... much, much worse.

First, they leave the free-agency bonanza with Amare Stoudamire and Raymond Felton. Ok. Not terrible, not great. Felton is a decent point guard, by the way. A glimmer of optimism starts to shine on the Knicks faithful.

Then... oh, sweet God do the Knicks suck.... then...

...they give up David Lee for three guys my father memorably dubbed "Who", "Double-Who", and "Triple-Who". In other words, three irrelevant guys.

Yes, I understand that David Lee was going to cost a lot of money, and they are trying to build for the future. I get it. But, come on, let's put on our common sense hats for a minute. How can you placate a passionate and hungry New York public with these band of jokers? This was the crushing blow that sent many New York faithful, including BotG, into a Knicks-hating frenzy.

... then, in a serious context, an article breaks that they have seriously considered bringing Isiah Thomas back to run the team. Isiah Thomas! Isiah Fucking Thomas! I don't know what to even say about this. What kind of cruel joke are they trying to play on New York?

... And finally, the coup de gras... they sign some Russian big man... does his name really matter? All you need to know about him is this:

- He, of course, got the moniker "Quad Who" from Pop. I'll be calling him that a year from now... if he's even in the NBA.
- He averaged less than 8 points and 7 rebounds IN THE RUSSIAN LEAGUE. (Matt Dabney once averaged double digits in the Russian league. As did I. We were teammates there.) If somebody's coming from Russia to get any minutes of substance or make any serious contribution, he better be putting up LeBron numbers over there.
- Speaking of this, I made an immediate bet with eternal optimist Pop - that Quad Who would average less than 10 minutes per game next season.
- Two words: Frederic Weis.
- Don't believe me? This is a HIGHLIGHT REEL for him. Jay Koeppel looked better in the Maccabi games when he had more of a height advantage than Wilt Chamberlain. In his highlight reel, he shoots an airball and misses layups. Oy vey.

Is he going to help the Knicks leave the valley of suckdom? I say, "Nyet".

(Hat-tip to BotG for finding this clip and for reminding me of how it was reminiscient of Jay Koeppel's Maccabi games highlight reel.)

Rat Alley

2010-07-12T12:02:00.002-04:00

Since my move to Boston several months ago, I’ve had to get accustomed to rodents, specifically, the rat. Growing up in the suburbs we never had rat problems. I read a book recently titled Rats, which was fascinating. Rats basically live in the cities, on human garbage. So, the worse the waste management system is, the higher the likelihood that there will be a rise in the numbers of rats in your neighborhood.

I live in a very nice neighborhood in Boston called Back Bay. The architecture of my neighborhood is mainly brownstones. The neighbored is laid out in a grid, and between each of the streets there are huge alleyways, which you can drive down. My girlfriend decided that it would be a good idea to bring up bicycles that she had from Jersey for exercise. So, we strapped the bikes to the back of the car and brought them up to Boston from Jersey. We arrived at nighttime in Boston and I drove down the alley. My girlfriend and I were unloading the bikes and other items into my apartment which has an entrance on the backside of the building. Now, the alleyway is also where people leave the garbage for pick up. The ironic part of what was about to occur was on the drive up I remarked to my girlfriend after being in the city for a few weeks “Wow, the neighborhood is great, and unlike New York, I haven’t seen a single rat.” Turns out, I spoke to soon.

While I was unstrapping the bikes my girlfriend was taking in some items into the apartment. I looked down the alley and saw a rat running across the street about twenty yards away. I didn’t think much of it, but took note, because after a prior rat sighting in New York City, I knew my girlfriend was not fond of the creature. Once my girlfriend was inside, I heard a little scuffle behind me and there, running along side a wall in the alley I saw about three more rats running. I looked to my left to see many more rats. My girlfriend was walking back to the car to retrieve more items, but I quickly advised her to go inside and stay there.

I later told my girlfriend why I advised her to stay inside to which she was happy that I spared her from being in an alley filled with rats, but also a little freaked out that there were so many rats in close proximity to where we lived. Now, I thought, as long we avoided the alley at night, especially on garbage pick up nights we might avoid future encounters with the rodents. But, no such luck.

Last weekend, my girlfriend took the car, which had been parked on the street from Boston back to Jersey. She went to visit her family and I had friends come up and visit, including co-blogger Moon. My girlfriend called me one day after arriving in Jersey. She relayed to me what occurred a few minutes before her phone call. She advised me that one of the headlights went out when she was driving the car the previous evening. So, she asked her 18 year old brother if he could change the bulb the following morning. My girlfriend popped the hood of the car so her brother could remove the casing for the light. As soon as the hood was opened a rat ran across the engine of the car! That’s right; the rat must have crawled underneath the car in Boston, made a home in the engine, and then made the drive from Boston to New Jersey! I couldn’t believe it, but it was true. My first thought was the episode of the Simpson’s when Bart brings a frog to Australia, and since frogs are not indigenous to the habitat the frogs multiple at a rapid rate. I pictured my girlfriend’s suburban town overrun by rats. Anyway, the rat seemed to run away after seeing my girlfriend and her brother discovering its home and I have not heard anything about rats taking over the suburbs of Jersey.

I love living in Boston so far. The city is great! My neighbored truly is amazing. But, I guess there is always a downside. So far, the only problem has been dealing with the rats. Knock on wood, my girlfriend and I have not had to deal with one inside the apartment yet.

The Decision

2010-07-09T09:28:00.004-04:00

Ok, I’m giving everybody reading this post inside information. I’ll call the few people who read this blog my inside sources. So you, as my inside sources, can now leak this information to the public. After long consideration and deliberation I’ve come to a decision. It’s been a very difficult time, for me and my family, but I’ve made a decision. I don’t make this decision lightly…I’ve decided to take my talent as a fan to the Boston Celtics!

I know everyone is shocked but I feel this is the right decision for me. A lot of people call my brother Walt a sports sell out, since his move to Philly and decision to become a Philly sports fan. A lot of people have given him shit about selling on the Knicks (Ok, most of the shit comes from me), but I never understood why he sold out, until now. My eyes are open now. As Samuel Jackson said in Pulp Fiction “I’ve had what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity.”

I realize now, that I was suffering from Battered Woman Syndrome. The Knicks have abused me for 10 years, but I’ve reached my tipping out. Most people I know including: LJT, Open Bar, Side Bar’s Brother, my brother Walt, and just about the rest of the breathing sports world had abandoned the Knicks at some point in the past 10 years. Like a child waiting for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, I waited patiently. But, Santa never came. I watched for the past 10 years the Knicks made one horrendous move after another. There was a point where I wanted George Bush to become to the GM for the Knicks, because, even he couldn’t make such bad decisions. I sat through: Marbury, Steve Francis, Glenn Rice, Jerome James, and Eddy Curry. I watched the Knicks trade away picks for nothing, and sexually harass interns along the way. I stood by them. I would come home from work put on a game, and have the Knicks kick my in the balls…for 10 years! The Knicks were my “Buttercup Baby.” They would “Build me up, just to let me down.” But, no more! As Chris Rock said… “I’m giving in my glove.”

I have to root for Boston! Not only do I live here, but they have likeable guys in: Rondo, Pierce, Allen, and Garnett. They have a likeable coach in Doc Rivers and a loyal fan base. They also have a great history. Most importantly, they might be the only team who can take on Miami in the east. So, I’m dumping the Knicks, after years of loyalty, and joining the Celtics. The Celtics are my new boyfriend. They work hard, make good decisions, and are reliable, you know, all the things the Knicks are not. I’m leaving my abuser today. But like every battered woman, I’m allowing myself a chance to jump back on the bandwagon if the Knicks pull off a miracle real soon and get someone like Carmelo Anthony. Short of that, I’m out like Tina on Ike Turner.

I think the final nail in the coffin for me was the Knicks signing and trading away David Lee. David, has been my safe place from my abuser. Like an abused child hiding under the bed. He has been the one bright spot the past few years. But like usual, the Knicks kick me in the balls! I don’t blame them for Lebron not picking them. What I do blame them for is that they traded away Lee, their only all star, for some guys named Anothony Randolph and Ronny Turiaf, or as my dad called them “who” and “double who.” Either let him go or get a real player in return like Tony Parker.

So, I depart the Knicks with three words… Let’s Go Celtics!!!!

Signs of the Ghetto

2010-07-07T15:00:00.002-04:00

I drove to South Boston the other day and was wondering if I was in the ghetto. I tried to compare it to past experiences being in ghetto areas and was thinking about what signs there are in an environment to know if you are in the ghetto. Here is what I came up with so far:

1. At the corner store they sell loosies. (For those who don’t know, loosies are cigarettes that are sold on an individual basis and not in a pack). I think this made its way into the ghetto because people in the ghetto can’t afford to buy a whole pack at a time, thus the owner of the store, opens the pack, and sells cigarettes on an individual basis.
2. Chris Rock said it best (paraphrased) “If you’re on a Martin Luther King Boulevard you’re in the ghetto!” Having worked in some ghetto areas in Jersey, I would expand the street names from Martin Luther King to include Rosa Parks, Muhammad Ali, or any other name that includes a civil rights activist.
3. A lot of fried chicken places, that are not KFC. Whenever I’m in a ghetto area there is always an abundance of places like “King Fried Chicken” or “Chicken Palace” you know establishments that sell nothing but fried food.
4. People using the fire hydrant as a public sprinkler system. You will see this in the summertime in ghetto areas as a means of cooling down.
5. There are guys who sell random shit in the street. Usually the items sold will be flowers but this can also include produce, jewelry, or any such random item.
6. There is an abundance of graffiti or murals painted on the wall. Don’t get me wrong, I like some graffiti and murals, however, you don’t see this is none ghetto areas.
7. Bars on people’s windows. The bars being on the windows of their home residence.
8. Crazy people talking to themselves on the street. These people usually suffer from mental health disorders and are usually in the middle of a street somewhere. You usually see them yelling at themselves or no one in particular in the street. Everybody who lives in the neighborhood either walks by the person or says hi like they are engaging in normal behavior.

I know there are more sings of a ghetto, but these are just some that come to mind.

Old School Rap Sunday

2010-06-27T09:43:00.002-04:00

... and now, for your viewing pleasure, one of the greatest rap songs in history. This still holds up. Enjoy.

No Freaking Way!

2010-06-25T11:51:00.001-04:00

After watching last night’s draft, it’s clear to me that the Knicks odds of landing Lebron next season are dropping faster than (Ok, removed) in a Teaneck High School hallway (HYHY, that was one of the biggest Joe’s ever btw). So, in answer to the question “Is Lebron coming to New York?” Well, as my dad would say, “No freaking way!”

So, I learned during the draft last night that Miami can sign three max guys. That means, in theory, they can have Wade, Lebron and Amare. Apparently it seems that Lebron and Wade probably won’t play together, but if they decide to, Miami would seem like a good destination. As a side note from the Lebron thing, any combination of Wade plus two of the big free agents (Amare, Lebron, Johnson, Bosh, Nowitski) would equal mad championships with a couple decent role players.

I also learned that Chicago will dump Hinrick and their pick to clear up cap space to sign two max guys. That means that Lebron plus any one of the big free agents above could join the Bulls with: Rose, Noah, Deng, and Gibson.
Now, if I was Lebron, I would go to Miami. I would play with Wade and get either Amare or Bosh to sign on. But, based on something about Lebron and Wade each wanting their own team, this may not happen. So, it appears that Lebron will end up in Chicago.

At this point, New York has little to offer. Miami and Chicago are not bad markets to play in. Yeah, these markets are not New York, but they are much closer to NY than Oklahoma. Plus, Lebron needs to win. New York does not have the cap space to compete with Miami, nor the talent base to compete with Chicago. The odds of landing Lebron seem very unlikely to me. Of course I’m still hoping, but it feels like wishing for Lebron in NY is like wishing that my lottery numbers will produce the winning ticket.

NBA Championship

2010-06-18T00:02:00.002-04:00

What a terrific, classic, game 7 to decide the NBA championship.

All the great play aside, my favorite part of the game was Ron Artest. He is the first player ever to thank their psychiatrist in their post-game interview immediately after winning a championship game.

Carnival rides....

2010-06-13T11:30:00.003-04:00

...are fun!

There is a carnival set up in our local parking lot shared by Home Depot and Walmart. We took the kids there last night and it is very interesting how different all three of my kids reacted to the rides. Maybe it has something to do with their ages, but mostly I think it's their own individual personalities.

While in most of his daily activities, he's a bit of a wuss, Nicky really enjoyed the rides. He, Thomas and I went on the big boat swing ride. Nicky was into putting his arms up in the air at the peaks of the swings, while Thomas would not let go of the bar. The three of us also went on the ride where you stand with your back against the wall and the ride spins at a great speed while the axis of rotation changes. Alexis stayed away from the bigger rides. The only ride she went on was one of those "teacup" type rides where you sit in the car and you can control the spin of the car by turning the steeringwheel-like device in the center of the car.

(note: not actual ride)

Video of actual ride:

(note: video taken by me with my iphone - just one more reason to love the iphone!)

One Picture and Two Random Videos

2010-06-05T12:06:00.005-04:00

Here is a photo of the last actual Hobo With Cheese I ate at Five-Star. I'd love to somehow embed this into the header of our blog. If anybody wants to work on this, let me know. I tried this once and wasn't successful.

Here is my all-time favorite basketball highlights / music video. I posted this once before and wanted to re-post it in light of Moon's Mike Nurse post and in light of our collective lamenting of the fact that guys aren't as passionate in professional sports as they once were.

Finally, I've had Sirius Radio for a few months now and have been able to listen to Howard Stern before. If you have not been able to make the jump and/or not interested in Howard Stern, here's a taste of song parodies of people sweating Robin Quivers' breasts.

(Sexual references / foul language follow - NSFW.)

Dirty Dancing Debate

2010-05-31T08:56:00.004-04:00

"I carried a watermelon."

So BotG and I have had a long-standing debate about a scene in the movie in Dirty Dancing.

(side note: I thought about searching for a YouTube clip or a link to this scene somewhere but then I realized: that's not necessary, everybody knows every scene of Dirty Dancing!)

Remember the scene where a bunch of the rich old guys are playing cards and one guy tosses a bunch of money at Patrick Swayze to give his wife "extra dancing lessons" as his card game might last all night? The guy's cougar wife, who later sleeps with Robbie, the slimy young guy who got Penny pregnant, looks lustfully at Patrick Swayze. The implication made there is that in the past, she has had sex with him and given him money...

(paraphrasing:

"You don't know how it is Baby... I mean, one day, you're dancing, hustling on the street, and the next day women are throwing money at you."
"I understand, you just used them for sex, I understand."
"No, no, it wasn't like that... it wasn't like I was using them, it was like, they were using me.")

... and Patrick Swayze, in a dramatic turning point in the movie, gives the guy the money back and declines to give dancing lessons to the wife, as Baby looks on with pride at Patrick, thus solidifying the relationship between Patrick and Baby and setting up the dramatic last scene.

Anyway, here's the question:

Did the old guy know that Patrick Swayze had been routinely sleeping with his wife during these extra dancing lessons, and just not care much, as she was just out of his hair and wasn't bothering him for sex? Or was he ignorant to the fact that she was boning Patrick and the dance lessons were more than just lessons?

Star Wars, the Dabney Edition

2010-05-26T17:07:00.002-04:00

Kids says the darnedest things

2010-05-19T18:53:00.002-04:00

Overheard at the dinner table at the Dabney household tonight:

Nicky had just finished showing me and Jennie the "lattice" method for performing multiplications.

Nicky: "Mom, did you understand it?"
Me: "Nick, math is not mommy's strong suit."
Nicky: "Yeah, shopping is."

Back to the Future

2010-05-19T12:47:00.003-04:00

Back in Time…Does anyone know all the words to that song from Back to the Future (without looking it up)? Anyway, I was thinking about Back to the Future II the other day, and was remembering the part in which Marty McFly goes to the future. I think you remember…there were: flying cars, hoverboards, and the city was mad clean. I forgot what fictional year it was when this was occurring, so I looked it up…2015. That’s right, five years from now, and I can’t help but think how far we are away from that.

Yeah, I know the first response is “Beer-on-the-Girl, that’s a movie, not real life.” And my response is, “I know it’s a movie.” But the point of the fictional future in the movie, was the depiction of forward movement into a *better* society. Not that the images portrayed in the movie were a utopia from everyone’s perspective, but it did appear *better* in most ways than Marty McFly’s 1985 in which we see: a homeless person (can’t remember his name), a porno theatre, bad clothes, and a feeling of despair for Marty’s future (i.e. “You’re a slacker!” “No McFly ever amounted to anything in the history of Hill Valley!”)

It’s just sad that since 1985 we have: a floating garbage island in the Pacific, the gulf of Mexico contaminated from out latest oil spill, more people without heath care than ever (here in the US), a growing disparity between the rich and poor, increases in traffic, and global warming.

I know a common response to the current stance of the “things suck argument” is “look what we have today.” I know we have: Iphones, internet, online banking, and free porno online, which is all great! However, my point is this …we, in a negative way, are a lot more than 5 years away from the Back to the Furture’s portrayed 2015 future and have taken some serious steps backwards since 1985.

How the Fraziers deal with bullies

2010-05-15T18:29:00.004-04:00

Part I: "Walt Clyde Frazier" vs. "Karon"

My brother Evan (Beer-on-the-Girl) and myself (Walt Clyde Frazier) moved to Teaneck in the spring of 1985. I was 8 and at the end of third grade, and BotG was 5 and in kindergarten. My parents (PopsRick and Linda) picked Teaneck for many reasons, I assume a couple of which were its diversity and quality school system. Shortly after we moved in, the summer came and I got to playing around in my neighborhood and meeting other local kids. I was a couple of blocks away with kids from the neighborhood doing whatever kids do. One kid, we'll call Karon, was one of the tougher kids in the neighborhood and for whatever reason wanted to kick my ass. As I don't remember this personally, the rest of the story is told with the help of PopsRick's recollections.

(from PopsRick's perspective): I was in the sunroom in the new house working on screens or some such when I heard someone run up the front stairs and slam the door...only moments later did I hear a young voice yell from outside... "[Walt}, I'm gonna fuck you up!"

I tend to move slowly in these situations, let them play out a bit...the next voice was [Walt]'s, excited, challenging, maybe 5 seconds later...

"Oh yeah, come in here, Karon, let's sit down and see who can play the piano better!"

Pause...

(young voice, Karon's)..."Forget you, Karon."

Karon walked away and never messed with me again.

Part II: Beer-on-the-Girl vs. "Ron"

Not long thereafter, Evan ran into a bully of his own. Once again, PopsRick recounts the story...

When Evan started taking the bus, the pick-up was at the corner of Selvage on Margaret...there were usually 5 or 6 kids, no parents, so Linda and I took turns 'keeping track' of Evan. I normally turned the corner on Selvage and pulled over to the side. One day I saw (in the rearview mirror) a boy MUCH BIGGER than Evan come up to him and push him hard. Evan looked at the boy, dropped his bookbag off his shoulders, and assumed a karate stance (Walt and Evan both were taking karate classes at the time....The big boy did nothing, and backed down to a kid half his size. That night I told Linda not to worry about the bus stop anymore.

And Evan never had to worry about that kid again... (who we recently found out grew up to be a thug as an adult).

So, two different styles... one tough, one, uhh... unorthodox... and the Frazier boys got along fine in Teaneck after that.

Overrated! (DA DA DADADA)

2010-05-14T14:06:00.001-04:00

So, after I wrote about the top 5 movie directors, see below (also you should click on the Pulp Fiction link) I began to think of the top 5 most overrated directors:

1. Brian DePalma- This guy has been a director forever, since 1960, directed 37 films, and his best accomplishment is that he has directed a couple of mediocre movies. I have no idea why they let this guy direct for so long. Movies that I saw and sucked: The Black Dahlia, Snake Eyes (ironically starring the most overrated actor Nick Cage), Bonfire of the Vanities, and Scarface (read Chucks comments here about why Scarface sucks). Mediocre movies: Carlito’s Way, Carrie, Wiseguys and Raising Cain. The mediocre movies were almost good in spite of him and get mad weird at points (i.e. Carrie). This clown has also made mad other movies you’ve never seen (that probably stunk): Redacted, Mission to Mars, The Fury, etc…

2. Kevin Smith- Airplane problems aside, this guy gets too much hype! I should love him being from New Jersey, but I don’t. Let’s go over his movies. Clerks, was ok and cool because it was shot on a shoestring budget, but I don’t think it holds up. Then Mallrats, which basically just sucked aside from Jason Lee as Brodie. Chasing Amy, as Sidebar pointed out, seemed great when I first watched it but doesn’t really hold up either. Chasing Amy is like the girl that you thought was hot when you picked her up at the bar, but after you wake up with her in the morning and look at her, you just want her to leave. Then came Dogma, which I thought sucked! Then Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Jersey Girl, Clerks II, Reaper…need I say more.

3. M. Knight Shyamalan- We all saw the Sixth Sense and loved it! We all thought that this guy was going to be great, until… he made more movies. Then came Unbreakable, where Smith got to work with the one and only Samuel L. and still put out a mediocre (at best) movie. Then Signs, an in, I which I had that 106 minutes of my life back, Signs. Then the Village, what the fuck was that?! After that, The Lady in the Water. The man should have had the sixth sense not to make any more movies after the Sixth Sense.

4. Ang Lee- I shouldn’t even know this guys name, but I do, as do you. Brokeback, was good, and other than that the only movie that he’s done which you’ve seen is Crouching Tiger which was mediocre at best. Why do we all know this clown?

5. Steven Spielberg- Ok, I already discussed this (see below) but it’s worth mentioning again. Every movie this guy makes is a hit, I mean a huge block buster smash, movie of the year hit, but they are all always mediocre at best. The movies that were okay were: Jurassic Park, Indiana Jones, E.T. Give me the amount of money it costs to make these films and I can make a decent movie. A great example of why this guy is an overrated clown was War of the Worlds, another huge budget movie (which sucked huge balls!) which was all formula and no substance. His best movie, Jaws, was good partially because he couldn’t get the over priced shark to work. The problem with Spielberg is all his movies are formulaic, overdone, and not original.

Ineptitude / Irony of my school district

2010-05-12T18:26:00.004-04:00

Read this letter I received this morning (Wednesday, May 12th, 2010) in my mailbox:

And we wonder why we are not performing well!

The All Mike Nurse Team--Take One

2010-05-11T14:37:00.005-04:00

So I'm not sure how many of you know this, but mid-'90s THS basketball Mike Nurse is the standard by which I judge all athletes. And that's only a bit of a hyperbole. In essence, what he represented for me was an athlete who:

A. Came up big and played his best in big games. To me, the true measure of a player is how honed and focused he is when the pressure's on. Anybody can put up 30 in game 40 of 82. Only the big boys bring their "A" game when it's needed. Just ask Joe Johnson and the cornball Atlanta Hawks.

B. Wasn't afraid to take the big (sometimes ridiculous) shot. To say he had confidence in himself is an understatement. I recall--correctly or incorrectly--countless times where he pulled up without hesitation from 35 feet and rained threes on the other team. Then he'd backpedal and turn in rhythm to run back on defense with this half disinterested smirk that said, "I KNEW that sh** was going in the whole time." Which brings me to my next point...

C. Always acted like he'd "been there before" when he had success. In other words, he wasn't clapping himself up when he made a big shot or got a big steal. He was clearly pumped up because he was in the zone and he translated that energy into pressure defense, rather than crying out for attention from the crowd. It was him and his competition, and HE was going to win; that's it. There was no one else in the gym. As much as I love a guy like Chad Ocho Cinco, he's no Mike Nurse when it comes to this...

D. Was uber-competitive to the point where he took winning and losing PERSONALLY. I admit I'm projecting this one onto Mike from my very limited interactions with and observations of him, but he struck me as this type. I love an athlete who responds to challenges on the court as though they are a PERSONAL test of their worth as an individual human being. Too many athletes take the "that's the way the ball bounces sometimes" outlook to failure. The ones with the real cojones respond to getting dunked on or getting the ball stolen from them by taking the next 3-5 possessions out on the other team. THAT is what I'm talkin' about...

So just today, I was thinking about how Rajon Rondo has elevated himself to Mike Nurse status in my mind.

This inspired me to create an All Mike Nurse Team. Here goes:

PG-Rondo (of course). Just look at his mug. Have you ever seen him smile? Even in interviews? Clearly, he's thinking about who he's going to beat (or embarass) next. All the time. Supposedly during the regular season when the Celtics were playing the Hornets, he almost made Chris Paul cry by barking, "you know you want to be me, but you never will" (referring to the fact that Paul was trapped on the Hornets and would probably never win a ring). Heartless. The guy's a killer. Incidentally, even though I love Chris Paul, this is why I couldn't pick him over Rondo.

SG-Dwayne Wade. See D Wade post from last month...Wade needs to be here, because NO ONE takes a challenge more personally than him. This year I watched Danilo Gallinari elbow him in the mouth in the 4th quarter. Wade checked to see that his teeth were still there, gave him the death stare, and you could just see the whole countenance change. He didn't complain or yap. He just took over the game and embarassed the Knicks with the basketball. You need a guy like this in the foxhole with you.

SF-Artest. If you don't know how I feel about Ron Ron by now, just ask me when I see you. No All Hall team will exclude him. He's nuts, but that's what you gotta love about him.

PF-I gotta play Lebron here to clear a spot for Ron Ron at SF. I think he's a peg below D Wade and two steps below Jordan in terms of competitive fire (because he cares too much about putting on a show for the crowd) but he's still way up there.

C-I almost constructed this team without a center because I didn't think anyone was worthy of an All Nurse nod, but if I have to pick one, I'll put Joakim Noah here. He ain't ready yet, but he has potential to get there in the next couple years. I put him on it because I love how he's not afraid to yap at the other team. The smack talking between him and Cleveland this postseason was priceless. Love how he gets in the other team's head. He has potential to develop into this generation's Dennis Rodman.

In short, know this: If anyone could get me a Mike Nurse #53 T-Neck jersey, I promise to wear it to every sporting event for at least the next 15 years.

**Disclaimer: Granted, my memory may be tainted by time, and with each passing year, Mike seems to get better, but whatevs...

And the winner is (drum roll)… Martin Scorsese

2010-05-11T10:35:00.006-04:00

My Top 5 Movie Directors List, In Order:

1. Martin Scorsese- Mainly because of one movie, Goodfellas. I have watched Goodfellas too many times, and still love every moment from “Am I clown?” to “Come on Karen!” I also loved: Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Color of Money, Cape Fear, Casino, Gangs of New York, The Aviator, and The Departed.

2. Stanley Kubrick- To me, the Patrick Ewing of directors. Yeah, he never scored that great movie for me, but I have liked everything that he has done: Full Metal Jacket, The Shinning, Dr. Strangelove, Clockwork Orange, Eye’s Wide Shut, etc… All solid movies with longevity to his movie making career with no duds.

3. Quentin Tarantino- Yes, primarily because Pulp Fiction is fucking a-mazing… “Royale with Cheese.” But I also loved Reservoir Dogs and Jackie Brown. I wasn’t a hue fan of the Kill Bill series (but I respect the try to do something new) Worth noting, Inglourious Basterds was good

4. Oliver Stone: I loved: The Doors, JFK, and Midnight Express. And, I don’t care if JFK was factually accurate; it was damn entertaining and was a movie not a documentary. Decent movies: Natural Born Killers, Born of the 4th of July, Any Given Sunday, Platoon, Wall Street. And yes, I agree with Chuck that Scarface is overrated which was written not directed by Stone.

5. Steven Spielberg- I think he’s overrated, generally speaking, but has still made some good movies. I don’t think I love any Spielberg movie the way I do Goodfellas or Pulp Fiction. But movies that I liked were: Jaws, Jurassic Park, All the Indiana Jones (cover your heart Indy!), Schindler’s List, E.T., and Munich. Movies that I thought were overrated, and if were not directed by Spielberg would have never been huge hits: Saving Private Ryan, A.I, Catch me if You Can, War of the Worlds. This guy knows how to make crowd pleasing hits but most of them are pretty cheesy.

Random Stuff 5.2.2010

2010-05-02T07:14:00.004-04:00

Random thoughts on a random Sunday morning...

1) So much for my big predictions about Denver coming out of the West in the NBA Playoffs. What does this tell me?

- I guess a coach can make a big difference in the NBA, and
- I don't see how anybody can stop L.A. from coming out of the West.

So who am I rooting for now? I hope Cleveland wins. It's hard to dislike LeBron. But, even more than wanting Cleveland to win, there are two teams I am actively rooting against: L.A. and Orlando. I hate the smugness of L.A. (particularly Kobe and Phil Jackson) and I hate the bitchiness of Vince Carter and Dwight Howard.

2) I love my new MacBook. I wish I made the switch years ago.

3) Eminem's song "Kim" (from the Marshall Mathers LP) is downright frightening.

I remember once being under the influence of some chemicals in college (I believe it was the same chemicals that make Mario big) and listening to the Beatles "Revolution 9" from the White Album ("Number nine... number nine...) all the way through and getting slightly freaked out.

What other songs are "scary" or have ever scared you, sober or not? I can't think of any others offhand.

4) When George W. Bush II was our president from 2000 - 2008 and he got on TV, I hated him so much that he caused such a visceral reaction in me that I literally couldn't stay in the room. If I did, I would either mock him or yell things like "FUCK YOU!!!" at the screen, to the point where my wife would say "Would you shut up? I just want to hear what he's saying. I hate him too. Just stop!" but I couldn't control myself because I couldn't look at his stupid fucking face anymore.

I haven't had that kind of reaction since to anything on TV until I tried to watch American Idol again. I watched the first couple of seasons and got tired with the dragged out, formulaic idiocy of it. I tried again this season and just found myself yelling at the screen, particularly when Randy Jackson would be on. I would just yell "YO YO YO YO YO YO YO DOG CHECK THIS OUT YO YO YO YO YO DOG DOG DOG AIGHT AIGHT DOG DOG" in anger until my wife would once again tell me to shut up so she could at least give the show a chance.

5) I wish there was some food I loved, and attacked with such zest and passion, as my cockatiels do with millet spray. It's weird. Millet spray seems so bland and yet they love it more than any other fresh food, cereal, and everything else we've given them.

Comfortably Jordan

2010-05-01T18:38:00.005-04:00

All of us Knicks fans in our 30s remember the Bulls' intro during the 90s. The song was very cool and added to the ambiance of their dramatic opening, particularly the electric guitar kicking in at the end as you heard "frommmmm North Carolina, at guard, 6'6", Michaelllll JORDAN!"

The song is called "Sirius" by a group called the Alan Parsons Project in 1982. It annoyed me that it seemed to me to rip off another particular famous classic rock song recorded earlier in the late 70s, particularly the guitar solo and the chord progression in general. I "researched" the Alan Parsons Project here. I found out there that Alan Parsons was an audio engineer for Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon project, and there were other ties with Pink Floyd and Alan Parsons. Then, it came clear where his influences were.

Anyway, compare the Bulls' intro song to this (fast forward to 4:30). Also, YouTube has some cool live versions of Comfortably Numb.

(How do you do that thing where you can automatically make the link jump to a certain point, like 4:30, instead of instructing your readers to do so?)

X is chillin'

2010-04-23T11:46:00.002-04:00

Overheard during a free period I have...

I am sitting at my desk doing work in my room, next to another teacher who teaches in my room during my free period. He is giving a math test to his class. A student comes up to ask him a question. They are talking...

Teacher: "Well, before you do anything else, you have to get x by itself."
Student: "Ok..."

[uncomfortable pause]

Teacher: "You're not sure how to get x by itself?"
Student: "No."
Teacher: "Ok, well, what is x doing right now?"
[pause]
Student: "Chillin."
Teacher (laughing) "Ok, well, it's chillin' now with what kind of sign attached to it?"

... and the conversation continued.

However, in ten years of teaching math I'd never thought of a variable as chillin'. I guess I could see the student's point. X, indeed, at the moment wasn't doing anything - just chillin'.

NY Times Sports...Get It Together!

2010-04-20T10:36:00.001-04:00

Let me preface this little rant by stating that generally, the NY Times is the best newspaper, period(.) That being said, I am continuously disappointed with the Sports Section of the NY Times. Overall, their Sports Section sucks!

My first complaint is usually that it’s in the back of some other section, usually the Business Section. Next, is my major complaint… What the times loves to do is cover some obscure angle of a big sporting event, and give no, I mean NO, coverage of the actual event. To further complain, it’s not once in a while that they do this; it’s all the fucking time!

A great example of this happened right before this year’s NBA playoffs. The other day, I opened the paper and was excited about finding some coverage of the NBA playoffs. I don’t know what I was expecting, but something like: predictions, major story lines, I don’t know. Instead, I open the paper (back of the Business Section btw) to find expansive coverage on Kevin Ollie. What? You got to be kidding right? We have the playoffs coming up this week, and you have a multi-page article on this clown. You’re kidding me Times, right? What about a Where Are They Now, Teaneck Highwayman Edition? Or how about an extended edition of the upcoming Teaneck Jewish Center Summer League?

Ok, I’m done bitching about this for now, but not forever.

All NBA Teams

2010-04-20T08:28:00.001-04:00

1st Team All NBA:

PG- Wade
SG- Kobe
SF- Bron
PF- Durant
C- Howard

2nd Team All NBA:

PG- Nash
SG- Williams
SF- Melo
PF- Dirk
C- Duncan

(I know these guys are out of position, but this is how I’d play them.)

Most Improved: Russell Westbrook
6th Man: Jamal Crawford
Rookie of the Year: Tyreke Evans
Coach of the Year: Jerry Sloan
MVP: Bron
Biggest Bitch of the Year: Al Harrington
Least Improved: Devin Harris

70's Movie Trivia

2010-04-19T09:06:00.002-04:00

Ok, same rules, 70's.

1. I must be crazy to be in a loony bin like this.
2. All right. This one time I'll let you ask me about my affairs.
3. Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed.
4. You have city hands, Mr. Hooper. You been countin' money all your life.
5. Thank God for the rain to wash the trash off the sidewalk
6. You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder
7. Here are your grade point avarages. Mr. Kroger: two C's, two D's and an F. That's a 1.2. Congratulations, Kroger. You're at the top of the Delta pledge class.
8. And I'm the Devil. Now kindly undo these straps.
9. Saigon... shit; I'm still only in Saigon... Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back in the jungle.
10. I don't know what you mean. I can't tell you something's safe or not, unless I know specifically what you're talking about.

What's Not To Love About Dwayne Wade?

2010-04-18T18:04:00.002-04:00

First of all, check this out:

Dwayne Wade is sick. He's just a killer, plain and simple. I'm not sure what in God's name possessed him to just go directly at Varejao and give him a nut sandwich, but he did. And the best part about it is that he doesn't stand over him not most clowns would, he just walks away like a stone cold killer and hollers something at the crowd.

But this isn't the only reason to respect the guy. As a Knicks fan, I'm mad excited about July 1st. However, I must say that I really love what D-Wade had to say recently about signing with other teams, particularly Chicago:

"It's like when you're young and at school, and you find out that girl wants you," Wade said Friday on "Mike & Mike". "The girl you had a crush on for a long time, wants you, and you get excited about it. But it might not be the right situation for you, you don't know. I don't necessarily think about it as much as people think I do."

"Chicago is my home city, and I love Chicago," Wade said. "But my heart is here in Miami.

Translation: "you don't gotta bang every chick that winks at you."

You gotta respect that....

90's Movie Trivia

2010-04-16T15:13:00.002-04:00

Ok, same rules as the 80's trivia game (see below). Have fun!

1. Saying goodbye in their own way. Playing outlawed tunes on outlawed pipes
2. I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking *use* them!
3. I'm a god. I'm not *the* God... I don't think.
4. You are an embarrassment to the game of pool and should be glad I even let you play at my table.
5. Pumping iron, and eating. Ain't nothing else to do in the motherfucking pen.
6. Fundamentally, people are suckers for the truth. And the truth is on your side, Bubba.
7. Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.
8. I was just thinking that of all the trails in this life, there are some that matter most. It is the trail of a true human being. I think you are on this trail, and it is good to see.
9. He was the only one I wasn't 100% on. I should have my fuckin' head examined, going on a plan like this when I wasn't 100%.
10. I don’t want his pork chop…I want his life!

NBA Playoff Predictions

2010-04-16T08:33:00.002-04:00

So here are my not so bold NBA playoff predictions:

1st Round: All the favorites except I see a couple potential upsets. I think the Celtics, Mavs, and Denver are all vulnerable.

2nd Round: East: Cavs over Celts. Atlanta over the Magic (toss up).
West: Mavs over Suns. Lakers over Denver.

Conference winners: East = Cavs.
West = Lakers.

Finals winner: Lakers

Hypothetical Game of Basketball

2010-04-13T20:20:00.002-04:00

Who would win the following game of regulation rules basketball:

Lebron James and nine randomly chosen 6th graders, some of whom may be athletic and some who might not

versus

The authors of Where's Luke and Hobo Con Queso combined?

A couple of random thoughts

2010-04-13T07:40:00.002-04:00

While watching tv with my two boys on Sunday, a commercial for the iPad comes on and Thomas says, "Wow! Look at that big phone! Daddy, you have the same thing, only smaller." Later that night while watching some tv with Alexis, the same commercial comes on and she says, "Look at that big phone!" I have not seen it in person or read any in-depth reviews of the iPad, but I can't argue with my kids - it looks to me like a bigger version of the iPhone.

For all of those who are reading this and have kids, you'll be able to relate. There is nothing that tugs at your heart or makes you feel so powerless as having a sick child.

Fresh cut grass smells great.

There is no comparison to the taste of steak cooked on a charcoal grill versus a gas grill.

It's a little early for Mother's day, but I've got to comment on my wife. While I can't say my kids are perfect (because really, no one is perfect), they are pretty darn good. While I would like to take some credit for their upbringing, Jennie has spent many more hours with them than I have, of which I am very jealous of. In my profession, and most others I think, communication is one of the most vital components to a successful project. So you would think that I would realize this and communicate more with my wife. Nope. Maybe it's because that's just how males are hardwired, or maybe just because I'm an idiot, but I don't tell her often enough how great she is. So Jennie, if you're reading this, you are the best wife/mom I could have ever hoped for. Thank you for everything, and sorry I don't tell you that more often.

Enough mushy stuff.

Legos might be the greatest toy ever invented.

Avatar was a awesome in the movie theater in 3D. It was just OK when I watched it at home. Maybe when I get the blu-ray version, I'll enjoy it more.

The wii is great. I really recommend it for the entire family.

I really enjoy my job. I like doing what I do. All the hardships and problems which were big deals then, but seem trivial now, were all worth it when you have the finished (almost) product in hand.

Ok, back to work now....

80’s Movie Trivia

2010-04-12T10:06:00.001-04:00

I love movies from the 80’s! I also tend to remember movie quotes, maybe because I watch the same movies over and over. Anyway, below if a list of famous quotes (famous to me anyway) from 80’s movies. How many movies can you name? What about who said them (the name of the movie character)? No cheating (looking it up). If you’re going to answer do not provide the actual movies, just give a number for the number of movies out of this list, as well as the number of character’s you can name. Answers to follow.

1. Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything.
2. Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.
3. Sumerian, not Babylonian.
4. All balls itch! It’s a fact!
5. Buckle up, son! This is the real world out here!
6. It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
7. There were only twelve hundred and eighty-one people. But to me, it was the whole world.
8. The Lord said, do whatever you have to do. And he didn't say "Joe, be polite."
9. Good, cause it's going to be filled. We'll keep going. You want another one? Just say the word say it. Instead of going to prison you'll come here. Are you through?
10. Now listen hear fairy fart, I don’t give a rat’s ass about your wimp weather reports.

Quit Stalling Verbal

2010-03-19T09:57:00.003-04:00

"Now, I know there was dope on that boat."

Now that we (Americans) embark on the final push before a vote on health care, I have to say I’m very disappointed in the Dems. Yeah, this is nothing new, but the fact that it took this long to get a vote and it’s this close to actually getting done (if at all) goes to show that liberals (Dems, I use these terms interchangeably) really don’t have a chance to push most of their agendas because of their approach and own nature.

Many people ask “How come the Democrats can’t get things done?” The correct answer is because, collectively we are pussies. That’s right, we’re pussies! We try and compromise and help everyone, so much so, that our enemies take advantage of our nature. We (liberals/Dems) try and understand everyone’s position and then compromise to respect their feelings, after all that’s who liberals are. The fact that Barrack has spent so long trying to convince those opposed to Health Care Reform of the benefits of changing the system shows the problem with our approach. We have all known for a long time that the Republicans have been stalling and we allowed them to. Obama should have been like Agent Kujan from the Usual Suspects trying to the nail the Republicans down on their stalling tactics. Obama should have said to the Republicans "Quit stalling Verbal, you know what I’m getting at!” Then, Obama should have thrown Jon Boehner to the floor like Kujan did to Verbal. Yeah, I’m getting carried away. And maybe the Usual Suspects is not the greatest analogy, but the movie does have some good quotes.

Look at the shit that Republicans pushed through over the Bush Years: a war on false premises, torture as formal policy, no federal response at the onset of Katrina, we all know etc… But the point is, we (Dems) have come to accept this. On the other side of the coin, we have taken over a year to get a vote on getting more people covered under health care. When Republicans are in charge, we take the shit that they give us and try to soften the blow or make the most of it. Now that we’re in power, we don’t deliver any blows, we still try and compromise.

There’s a scene in Mississippi Burning when Gene Hackman tries to convince William Dafoe that, sometimes as a liberal, you need to fight with backwards people in matters that don’t come naturally to a liberal. Dafoe’s character Ward (the pussy liberal) says, "Don't drag me down to your gutter, Anderson." Hackman character Anderson (the tough liberal) parries with, "These people crawled out of the sewers, Mr. Ward. Maybe the gutter is the place we have to be." I guess what I’m saying is, just because you’re liberal this should not necessitate you being a pussy. So Dems, change up the strategy or else we won’t be able to get anything done!

Two Incidents from School Today

2010-03-15T15:03:00.004-04:00

Can't make this stuff up...

1) Overheard as class is wrapping up...

Girl 1: "See, this is why you're failing. Mr. [Frazier] taught all period and you didn't pay attention at all. You did other stuff!"
Girl 2: "I'm not failing, I'm underachieving!"

Awesome, awesome line. Self-aware, true, and funny. Perhaps a pre-planned line, not entirely ad-libbed, but the first time I'd heard it.

2) After school ended, I'm walking down a long empty hallway in my school and see a container of lip balm. I absent-mindedly kick it halfway down the hallway. A female student I've never talked to before rounds the corner at the opposite end of the hallway, sees the lip balm careening down the hall towards me, walks up to me, and loudly and angrily says:

Her: "Why are you kicking my lip balm down the hallway?"
Me: "Is that your lip balm?"
Her: "Yes, and I don't know why you're kicking it."
Me: "Are you serious?"
Her: "Yeah!"

I reach down to pick it up but before handing it to her, annoyed that I am being talked to in such an angry tone by an irrational teenager, I reply in ...

Me: "Ok. I suppose I just assumed that because it was laying in the hallway in the middle of nowhere with nobody around, that it must be garbage. I apologize. Next time, I'll wait to see if a student I've never seen before comes out of nowhere to claim a lip balm that was laying in an dirty empty hallway before I kick it."

I walked away. She turns to a friend and mumbles something (probably rude) under her breath. I smile smugly to myself.

This incident was so bizarre - not that the incident itself was weird, but that it happened - just surreal.

New York State of Mind

2010-03-14T18:12:00.004-04:00

Bill Simmons writes something that touches on something I wrote some time ago:

Speaking of songs, I spent the past few days in New York City and decided that Jay-Z's "Empire State of Mind" was one of the five most brilliant songs ever made. It's like Jay made the decision: "It's 2009 … I've made enough money, I've cemented my legacy, I married Beyonce … really, I guess the only thing left would be to supplant Sinatra with the No. 1 New York-centric go-to song that (A) goes through someone's head every time they walk around Manhattan, and (B) gets played before and after every New York sporting event for the next 25 years, and if that's not enough, becomes a mortal lock to get played at Manhattan clubs once an hour for the rest of eternity. Tough task, but I think I can pull it off. I'm Jay-Z."

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

2010-03-12T08:58:00.003-05:00

(<----This is a picture of my new street)

I think most you reading this post know that I recently moved to Boston. I moved to Boston mainly for a job, but also for a new experience. Having never lived outside the Garden State, even for college (I went to Rutgers for undergrad and grad); living outside New Jersey thus far has been great.

Boston is a real awesome city! Most people from the New York Metropolitan Area have hatred towards Boston and everything related to Boston, especially most Yankee baseball fans. I think another reason people from the New York also hate Bostonians because is the way they talk, which is funny to me (i.e. I have to pahk the cah, LOL). But, I have to say, I’m very impressed with the city thus far. There’s a lot to do, and everything is within walking distance from where I live (Back Bay for those who know Boston). Also, the area is real clean (for a city) and the restaurants/bars are fun. A side bar, I live on the same block as Cheers ( HY, pun intended with the word bar). There’s also a lot of cultural shit: museums, historical site seeing, parks (pahks HY), etc... The city has a lot of history and a lot to see. For those who have not been to Boston I guess the best way to describe the city (for me) is it’s kind of a cross between New York and New Jersey.

The job also has been great. For those who don’t know, I worked for Child Protective Services in NJ for eight plus years. I got a job with the Fed in Boston, hence the recent move. Although the experience of working in NJ was great in a lot of ways, I got feed up with certain aspects of the system, especially the impediments of upward mobility and really just tired of the work. But, I digress because this post is really about my living experience in Boston not in NJ. Working in Boston has been great. It’s great to work with intelligent, good hearted, helpful people. I’m also handling issues on a macro level which is much more interesting than dealing with people’s individual problems.

I think that after all my years in the Garden State I needed a change of scenery. Boston (so far) has been a great change!

Totally Krossed Out

2010-03-10T10:36:00.003-05:00

Notorious LJT’s latest post about Chi-Ali got my thinking about bad rap bands from my youth and my mind kept going back to Kris Kross. I think most people remember Kris Kross from their hit Jump on their 1992 album, Totally Krossed Out. Thinking about Kris Kross reminded me of a funny story.

Some background on Kris Kross is needed for those who don’t remember. Kris Kross, like Chi-Ali, was a band composed of adolescent /teenager(s). In the case of Kris Kross the group was composed of two kids, apparently each named Chris. Each of the Chris’s took on a “street name” one taking the name “Daddy-Mac” and the other “Mack-Daddy.” Kris Kross was capitalizing on the emergence of hip-hop as popular music in the early 90’s. I think some record executives decide that it would be a profitable to sell adolescent rappers to the public when hip-hop was entering the main stream. I guess the gimmick of having two adolescent peep-squealers was not enough, and Kris Kross added an over the top gimmick… they wore all their clothes backwards!

Why did Kris Kross where their clothes backwards? Who knows? But at the height of Kris Kross fame, I was caught up in the hype. Being an impressionable 12 year old, I actually thought the idea of wearing your clothes backwards was cool! I thought about rocking the style of wearing all my clothes backwards to school.

Now, at that age what you wore to school was probably the largest determining factor in your place in the social hierarchy. Given the importance of the decision on what to wear to school, I didn’t want to make any faux pas. So, I decided a trial run of wearing my clothes backwards would be the best thing, in case there were any unforeseen errors. One day after school, I went to my room alone, and reserved my clothing. Now, at that age my jeans were not exactly baggy, nor were they super-tight. I guess you can say my jeans fit just right, slightly on the tight side for fashion in Teaneck, NJ at the time for my age bracket. I didn’t realize before my trial run that the knee area in my jeans had more give in the front and not in the back. When I attempted to walk after putting my clothes on backwards, my knees really didn’t bend that well.

You might think that the logistics of not being able to walk would be enough to thwart my plan of wearing backwards clothing to school; however, I was not deterred. I continued to try and walk (in an uncomfortable fashion) around my room. It wasn’t until I looked up in the mirror and saw myself did I realize how ridiculous I looked. Here I was, a 12 year old white boy from the suburbs, with semi-tight jeans on, a backwards shirt, almost falling from walking around my room.

I idea of wearing my clothes backwards died that day. Shortly after, my admiration for Kris Kross died as well.